I wrote this short story just days back. No one has commented on it yet. Please anyone with time to spare, do comment on the story with most critical judgment. Any help would be greatly appreciated. 

"The feather fell from the top of the coconut tree.
The young boy who was just under the shade of the lean but closely-knit coconut
leafs, looked up and caught the feather. He was a young boy, a very curious
one; so he looked up eagerly to see the bird which had shed the feather. He had
no choice but to be disappointed, there was no bird on the tree. The feather
colored shimmering blue with a tinge of brown inspired a deep fascination in
him. When he was about to return to his room to read a page or two, a girl
walked over. She was just as old as him, with a white rose carefully tucked
into her hair and holding marigold in her hand. His curiosity could not allow
him to go back. He walked back to the wall, scaled it and went near her. She
asked him whether he would give her the feather. He said he would, only if she
tucks it in her hair. She readily agreed and tucked the iridescent feather in
her hair. Then they both went out to play forgetting about the feather. However
the kingfisher sat inertly, wondering how his feather had achieved such beauty."

Thanks in advance to anyone who has a good heart and a couple of minutes to spare for this silly story. A bunch of thanks in advance. ,

Deepak
1 2
I enjoyed the feeling of colour in this story. I say 'feeling' deliberately because it leaves a sense of bright colours in the mind. The green of the coconut leaves, the blue of the feather - brown tinge - white rose etc.
That said, I have to make a few points. Some sentences would work better if they were put in a more direct, simple way.

For example: "The feather colored shimmering blue with a tinge of brown inspired a deep fascination in him." How about simply "The shimmering blue feather with its tinge of brown facinated him."

Another rule of short story writing: A single sentence should only convey, or contain, one single thought or idea. This is basically the real meaning of the word sentence. It is meant to encapsulate the 'sense' between the Capital letter at the beginning and the full stop at the end.

Thus your sentence: "The young boy who was just under the shade of the lean but closely-knit coconut leafs, looked up and caught the feather" contains three separate sentences joined together to make one and therefore all three ideas have been diluted in the reader's mind.

Consider the alternative:
A young boy happened to be sitting in the shade below. He looked up just as the feather fluttered down. It fell softly into his open hand.

I don't know if the close knit leaves are important to your story but the example is just to make a point.

Hope this helps.
ursulaConsider the alternative:
A young boy happened to be sitting in the shade below. He looked up just as the feather fluttered down. It fell softly into his open hand.
I think the alteration you made here is very good. And I believe when one writes a composition, it's important to depict the details, like the "sitting below", "fluttered", and "open hand" here.

If me, I'd write the interaction between the boy and girl in dialogue, and add the expressions and feelings of both to make the scenes more vivid.

And i'd add a stence to the front of the passage like "the boy was looking out of the window, there was once a feather, a very beautiful feather, and it is still in his memory." (Forgive my poor vacabulary).
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deepblueizeI wrote this short story just days back. No one has commented on it yet. Please anyone with time to spare, do comment on the story with most critical judgment. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
"The feather fell from the top of the coconut tree.
The young boy who was just under the shade of the lean but closely-knit coconut
leafs, looked up and caught the feather. He was a young boy, a very curious
one; so he looked up eagerly to see the bird which had shed the feather. He had
no choice but to be disappointed, there was no bird on the tree. The feather
colored shimmering blue with a tinge of brown inspired a deep fascination in
him. When he was about to return to his room to read a page or two, a girl
walked over. She was just as old as him, with a white rose carefully tucked
into her hair and holding marigold in her hand. His curiosity could not allow
him to go back. He walked back to the wall, scaled it and went near her. She
asked him whether he would give her the feather. He said he would, only if she
tucks it in her hair. She readily agreed and tucked the iridescent feather in
her hair. Then they both went out to play forgetting about the feather. However
the kingfisher sat inertly, wondering how his feather had achieved such beauty."
Thanks in advance to anyone who has a good heart and a couple of minutes to spare for this silly story. A bunch of thanks in advance. ,
Deepak

The formatting looks weird. Did you originally type it in Linux and copy it here?

Monox D. I-FlyThe formatting looks weird. Did you originally type it in Linux and copy it here?

Most of the formatting issues people report on EF seem to be related to Internet Explorer, which is Windows only. Emotion: stick out tongue

Blue Jay
Monox D. I-FlyThe formatting looks weird. Did you originally type it in Linux and copy it here?

Most of the formatting issues people report on EF seem to be related to Internet Explorer, which is Windows only.

People still use that?

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Monox D. I-FlyPeople still use that?

I'm afraid so. Emotion: tongue tied
The other day while checking out a bug report I discovered that bold text in EF posts looks the same as regular text on IE (In fairness to Windows, it shows up really well on Edge, better than it does on Chrome).

Blue Jayit shows up really well on Edge,

Never heard about that browser.

Edge is the default browser in Windows 10.

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