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Given high unemployment rate, it is recommended that the governments only provide primary education and no secondary education. What do you think? (IELTS ACADEMIC - WRITING TASK2)

Unemployment can be considered as one of the most serious issues which the government desires to implement appropriate methods to tackle. While it is believed that omitting the education in secondary schools is a rational approach, I advocate that secondary education also has a vital role to play.

Students graduating from primary schools cannot be well-placed people for the job market containing the fierce competition for some sound reasons. The first reason is that primary education only helps children acquire basic literacy. That is the reason why after graduating they can only read, write and make simple calculation without sufficient in-depth knowledge which is an indispensable requirement sought by almost every recruiter. Other than that, joining in workforce may be intellectually and physically demanding for primary graduates. Unless they are educated in secondary schools, they lose chances to engage in extra-curricular activities including group discussions and voluntary work, which means that it is impossible for them to develop social competence before entering employment.

On the other hand, the higher unemployment rate can be attributed to the disappearance of secondary schools for compelling explanations. First of all, they do not have ability to gain BA’s degrees that are necessary for white-collar jobs, which leads to the surplus of labor for blue-collar jobs. This is because knowledge students learn in secondary schools lays foundation for the application and acquisition of knowledge in tertiary education. Moreover, if all secondary schools are forced to close, thousands of teachers and the staff will become jobless.

All in all, closing secondary schools is not a practical way to curb the growth of the unemployment and even it can worsen the phenomenon.

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Unemployment can be considered as one of the most serious issues which the government needs desires to implement appropriate methods to tackle. While it is believed that omitting the education (Not a good phrase.) in secondary schools is a rational approach, I advocate that secondary education also has a vital role to play. (For what purpose?)

Students graduating from primary schools cannot be well-placed people for a the job market in which there is containing (wrong word) the fierce competition for some sound reasons. The first reason is that primary education only helps children acquire basic literacy. That is the reason why after graduating they can only read, write and make simple calculation (wrong form). They lack without sufficient in-depth knowledge which is an indispensable requirement sought by almost every recruiter. Other than that, joining the in workforce may be intellectually and physically demanding for primary graduates. Unless they are educated In secondary schools, they lose chances to engage in extra-curricular activities including group discussions and voluntary work, which enables means that it is impossible for them to develop social competence before entering employment. (The original sentence did not make much sense.)

On the other hand, (That is not an appropriate transition phrase. On the one hand / On the other hand are introduce opposing views. e.g. On the one hand, playing video games allows students to develop dexterity and keen observation skills. On the other hand, children can get addicted to them and neglect their schoolwork.) the higher unemployment rate can be attributed to the disappearance of secondary schools for compelling explanations. First of all, they (who?) do not have ability to gain BA’s (wrong form) degrees that are necessary for white-collar jobs, and that which leads to the surplus of labor for blue-collar jobs. This is because the knowledge students learn gain (We do not learn knowledge. We learn theories, history, foreign languages and science. That gives us knowledge - e.g. what we know.) in secondary schools lays the foundation for the application and acquisition of knowledge in tertiary education. Moreover, if all secondary schools are forced to close, thousands of teachers and the staff will become jobless.

All in all, closing secondary schools is not a practical way to curb the growth of the unemployment and even it can worsen it. the phenomenon. (wrong word)

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