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Hello all,


Here is my first attempt for an IELTS Writing Task 2 on a topic discussed in the following.

Below are some factors examiners of IELTS will assess the writing task 2 and I don't whether or not you are completely familiar with them:

  1. Task Achievement (25%)
  2. Coherence and Cohesion (25%)
  3. Lexical Resource (25%)
  4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (25%)

Will you pretend to be an IELTS examiner and point out the advantages and disadvantages of this writing please? Please give me a score from 1 to 9. Pieces of advice are also warmly welcomed. Emotion: smile


Topic:

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerable.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Write at least 250 words.


My answer:

A number of people state that the retire age of individuals must be increased greatly as a normal consequence of rise in the life length.


Those who are against fixed age limit for people working in the society argue that while the life has augmented we ought to follow that pattern for our regulations in work period and a time for retiring. If employees take advantages of longer lives, they can, undoubtedly, have more benefits for the community and a large time space between their withdrawal from the workplace and the time they are no longer effective, shall be utilised be elevating the retire age.


On the other hand many contradict that opinion and consider that a misuse of workers undergoing a lifetime of toil in offering different services for other people during work time. One good looking man in a healthy and robust situation of body was shown on TV stating he has worked for thirty years from the time he was a teenager and it is time to enjoy the rest of life conveniently. He said, he has produced good products for a fair amount of time and that is sufficient for a given person.


In conclusion, I believe both ideas are reasonable and worth taking into consideration to gain a final point to make a decision in this regard. people are practically usefol when they are young and feel courage to carry on their work. Boredom and disillusionment could be an outcome of overly use in a company, for instance. It is worth to say that, when people reach their retire time and still wish to continue they are allowed owing to that fact interest is the most important factor for activities.



If I devoted more than 40 minutes to the task I think I'd do it better. I myself personally suppose I get 6.5 or 7 for that task.


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Here is my first attempt for an IELTS Writing Task 2 on a topic discussed in the following.

Below are some factors examiners of IELTS will assess the writing task 2 and I don't whether or not you are completely familiar with them:

  1. Task Achievement (25%)
  2. Coherence and Cohesion (25%)
  3. Lexical Resource (25%)
  4. Grammatical Range and Accuracy (25%)

Will you pretend to be an IELTS examiner and point out the advantages and disadvantages of this writing please? Please give me a score from 1 to 9. Pieces of advice are also warmly welcomed.


Topic:

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerable. (wrong form - it must be an adverb, not an adjective.)

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Write at least 250 words.

My answer:


A number of people state that the retire retirement age of individuals must be increased greatly as a normal consequence of rise in longevity. the life length.

Lexical resource: attempts to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy (band 6). The following paragraphs rank between a band 5 and 6.

Task Achievement: Does not include a thesis statement in the opening paragraph. (That is a major flaw in Task achievement. band 4)

Those who are against a fixed age limit for working people working in the society argue that while the life has augmented we ought to follow that pattern for our regulations in work period and a time for retiring. If employees take advantages of longer lives, they can, undoubtedly, have more benefits for the community and a large time space between their withdrawal from the workplace and the time they are no longer effective, shall be utilised be elevating the retire age.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy (band 5)
attempts complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences
may make frequent grammatical errors and punctuation may be faulty;
errors can cause some difficulty for the reader

On the other hand, many contradict that opinion and consider that a misuse of workers undergoing a lifetime of toil in offering different services for other people during work time. One good looking man in a healthy and robust situation of body was shown on TV stating he has worked for thirty years from the time he was a teenager and it is time to enjoy the rest of life conveniently. He said, he has produced good products for a fair amount of time and that is sufficient for a given person.


In conclusion, I believe both ideas are reasonable and worth taking into consideration to gain a final point to make a decision in this regard. people are practically usefol when they are young and feel courage to carry on their work. Boredom and disillusionment could be an outcome of overly use in a company, for instance. It is worth to say that, when people reach their retire time and still wish to continue they are allowed owing to that fact interest is the most important factor for activities.

Task Achievement: Does not include a statement that answers the topic question. (That is a major problem for Task achievement. band 4)

Coherence and Cohesion: (final paragraph). There is little cohesion in the sequence of sentences (band 5). The overall essay cohesion might get a band 6.

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Here is a public disclaimer of the IELTS band score descriptors. People trained in scoring the exams have to rely upon their experience in assigning a particular band for a descriptor:

https://takeielts.britishcouncil.org/sites/default/files/2018-01/IELTS_task_1_Writing_band_descriptors.pdf

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
Comments  

Thank you very much As.

To sum up, you say that the essay was considerably off-topic and there are little cohesion and accuracy when using long sentences as well as in terms of grammar and spelling mistakes. Yes, please?

If so, this writing task 2 I assume brings me with a score of 5.5 utmost, probably. Agree?

Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies

You have the skills to get 7 or higher score, but you just need to learn some main tricks for writing an essay.

1. The first paragraph, the introduction, must directly and clearly answer the topic question and give the main point that you are going to argue or support. NEVER refer to your essay in the thesis sentence. e.g. "In this essay, I am going to give three reasons why ..." (Very bad)

2. The last paragraph, the conclusion, must not introduce new ideas or material. In particular, do not give any examples in the last paragraph. Just sum up your main points and repeat your answer in different words.

3. The body paragraphs must support your main point, your thesis, as specifically as possible. Each paragraph must have one main point. For IELTS, aim for either 2 or 3 body paragraphs.

Look at this video about writing the first paragraph.

The only criticism I have of this instructional video is how she starts the thesis statement: In my opinion, I agree...

The verb "agree" incorporates your opinion, so the phrase "In my opinion" is redundant and unnecessary. I would have suggested either of these two. The second is a more obvious answer to the topic question.

In my opinion, daily exercise is the most beneficial method to achieve and maintain a healthy body.
I completely agree that daily exercise is the most beneficial method to achieve and maintain a healthy body.

YngqHl_BLOU

Dear AS, I don't know how I can thank you, my favorite teacher. If I have only one wish about you, I wish I had you as my English teacher in person.

KhoshtipManI wish I had you as my English teacher in person.

Emotion: smile

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