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This is my completed academic writing task 2. Please point out my mistakes and give me a band score for each criterion if possible.

Here are some of my additional questions: Will I lose marks without mentioning examples? And also, I was wondering whether I have to state my opinion along with ideas in both the introduction and conclusion paragraphs or not. Because that is what I was taught to do in my opinion essay and I've just approached the discussion-opinion essay. Thanks in advance.


Topic: In some countries, some high school leavers are choosing to work or travel for a period
of time before going to university. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of those school
leavers’ decision. Give your own opinion.


After graduating from high school, some students tend to get a job or go on a trip for some time before university life. While there are benefits and drawbacks of this decision, I would argue that it is better to take a gap year to work or travel.

The option to take a year off straight after school is disadvantageous to some extent. The main shortcoming is that a number of students will start their professional careers later than their fellows who do not get a job or travel. These students, therefore, may have fewer chances to get a promotion. In addition, taking time off to travel costs a lot of money. If they travel right after school, they will earn no money and have to ask their parents for their expenses. It is not advisable that people should take this option.

On the other hand, it seems to me that students, after graduating from high school, should work or travel for a period of time because of some undeniable advantages. Firstly, by working and visiting different places, they will have good chances to gain some valuable experience, which may later help them solve many practical problems. Secondly, these students are able to clarify their real passion to follow in their studies and careers and thus develop a sense of enthusiasm and perseverance themselves.

In conclusion, I believe there are various advantages for young graduates from high school who start working or traveling prior to beginning their university studies, despite the fact this decision has some notable disadvantages.

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Mike MkyWill I lose marks without mentioning examples?

In an academic essay, you must present a thesis statement, that is, the central point of the essay. The thesis statement is presented in the opening paragraph and restated in the concluding paragraph.

The body paragraphs contain points or arguments that support your thesis. If you can adequately and logically support your thesis without giving any specific examples, then you will not lose points. However, it may be quite challenging to do that.

Mike MkyI was wondering whether I have to state my opinion along with ideas in both the introduction and conclusion paragraphs or not.

Not every essay asks for your opinion. If an essay topic does not ask for an opinion, do not give one.

As an example, there are two types of essay that ask you about advantages and disadvantages of some decision or practice. The first asks that you simply discuss the advantages and disadvantages. The second asks the same thing, but adds an instruction to give your opinion on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

For essays that ask for your opinion, a clear statement of your opinion becomes your thesis statement. Present that in the first paragraph, and restate it in the conclusion.

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After graduating from high school, some students tend to get a job or go on a trip for some time before starting their studies at a university life. While there are benefits and drawbacks of this decision, I would argue that it is better to take a gap year to work or travel.

The option to take a year off straight after school is disadvantageous to some extent. The main shortcoming is that a number of students who take this path will start their professional careers later than their peers fellows who do not get a job or travel. These students, Therefore, they may have fewer chances to get a promotion. In addition, taking time off to travel costs a lot of money. If they travel right after school, they will earn no money and have to ask their parents to support them. for their expenses. For these reasons, it is not advisable that people should take this option.

On the other hand, it seems to me that students, after graduating from high school, should work or travel for a period of time because of some undeniable advantages. Firstly, First, by working or and visiting different places, they will have good chances to gain some valuable experience, which may later help them solve many practical problems. Secondly, Second, these students are able to clarify their real passion to follow in their studies and careers and thus develop a sense of enthusiasm and perseverance confidence in themselves.

In conclusion, I believe there are various advantages (You can use "benefits" to avoid repetition.) for young graduates from high school who take a job or travel start working or traveling prior to beginning their university studies, despite the fact this decision has some notable disadvantages. (You can use "drawbacks" to avoid being repetitive.)

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Comments  
AlpheccaStarsFirstly, First, by working or and visiting different places, they will have good chances to gain some valuable experience, which may later help them solve many practical problems. Secondly, Second,

Thanks a lot for the feedback but can you please explain why I should use first and second instead of firstly and secondly.

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.

Firstly is distinctively British English. In American English, it seems archaic and strange.


First, second .. are equally accepted in both varieties of English.
So if you want to learn international "business English," it is good to recognize this.

We had a discussion on this. Here is the thread.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/FirstlyDiscussion/bxgbvk/post.htm