Please help me review my academic essay for Ielts. I'm ascending to a band 8.0

Q: Many high street shops have gone out of business in recent years? Why do you think this has happened? Is it positive or negative development?

A:

Recently, numerous street-side stores have closed down mainly because of the explosion of the digital markets. Many benefits it might bring about, this phenomenon also proves to be detrimental both for individuals in the market and the economy in general.


Online businesses have come with the gloss of convenience and low - cost products, which the traditional stores, with venue costs and required tax, can hardly compete. Online shopping, thanks to the accessibility of the Internet, allows people to make purchase from the comfort of their home and receive delivery immediately without worrying about transportation or traffic jams. Digital business, moreover, can be reached from anywhere, providing people with a large variation of products and costs which we rarely find in a physical store.


In our industrial era, online shopping is a preferred choice with a great deal of benefits. With digital market, customers can get access to various shops regardless of their locations, choosing the most suitable goods for their demands while sitting on the couch. To the sellers, moving online is an opportunity for them to widen their customers' boundary, ascending to people outside the states. Furthermore, as the Internet enhance people's experience in shopping, the online markets raise the revenues of businesses, facilitating commercial activities and elevating the development of the economy.


However, there are many problems caused the online movement of many kinds of business. Buying and selling online, the customers and sellers are faced by fraudulent information and individuals. Even then, they are not comprehensively protected by the law since there have not been official systematic regulations for online sales. The rapid development of the online economy will be followed by the collapse of enumerated brick-and-mortar stores, causing dramatic rise in unemployment rate. Besides, the downsize of the digital shop systems will level the real estate markets, leading to another serious problems for the general economy.


To sum up, the active online commerce undeniably comes with many advantages. Nevertheless, in my view, those benefits are outweighed by the number of problems it has made.


Thanks a lot!!!

anonymousI'm ascending to for a band 8.0 score.

Have you sat for IELTS before, and if so, what were your scores?

Hello Anonymous;

If you want my feedback, you will have to register here. I do not spend time and effort on people who don't take the few seconds of time to register. All these anonymous posts are all lumped together and do not reflect the work of individual students.