Hi, I am preparing for the IELTS, and would appreciate if any moderator could check the following essay, and thanks for any advice.

----Subject "Is Raido Still Necessary in Modern Society?"----

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With unprecedented advances in communication skills, there are so many wonderful means of communication like television or Internet that radio seems to being ignored by more and more people.

When it comes to radio, there will be a debate over whether or not radio is necessary to a person’s daily life. On one side of the debate are those who say that radio is too much old-fashioned and is not be necessary any longer since there are many more efficient means of receiving information. On the other side is the view that despite the new means of receiving information, radio is still necessary for many people who are not yet adapted to them. In my mind, I completely agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons:

Firstly, no one can deny the fact that it is too difficult for the old to understand how to operate a computer to receive information by Internet. An investigation shows that the old tend to have a favourable attitude to radio rather than Internet.

Secondly, it is impossible for the blind to watch television much less using Internet. Radio seems the best way for them to know what are happening in the world.

Finally, radio could be the best method to receiving information under certain circumstances when people can not or should not use television or Internet. For example, when you are going on a journey or when you could bother other people who are sleeping or studying if you watch television.

To conclude, nowadays, radio is not the only way to communicate with the world, but it is still necessary for many people.

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Thanks again for your support.

Best regards
Henbeibi
HI Henbeibi,

I bolded some of the more glaring errors.

----Subject "Is Raido (sp.) Still Necessary in Modern Society?"----

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With unprecedented advances in communication skills, there are so many wonderful means of communication like television or Internet that radio seems to being (use of be) ignored by more and more people.

When it comes to radio, there will be a debate over whether or not radio is necessary to a person’s daily life. On one side of the debate are those who say that radio is too much old-fashioned and is not be (use of be)necessary any longer since there are many more efficient means of receiving information. On the other side is the view that despite the new means of receiving information, radio is still necessary for many people who are not yet adapted to them. In my mind, I completely agree with the latter opinion for the following reasons:

Firstly, no one can deny the fact that it is too difficult for the old to understand how to operate a computer to receive information by Internet. An investigation shows that the old tend to have a favourable attitude to (awk.) radio rather than Internet.

Secondly, it is impossible for the blind to watch television much less using (parallel) Internet. Radio seems the best way for them to know what are (agreement) happening in the world.

Finally, radio could be the best method to receiving information under certain circumstances when people can not or should not use television or Internet. For example, when you are going on a journey or when you could bother other people who are sleeping or studying if you watch television.

To conclude, nowadays, radio is not the only way to communicate with the world, but it is still necessary for many people.

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Thank you for your help. But I have some question about the sentence "Secondly, it is impossible for the blind to watch television much less using (parallel) Internet. Radio seems the best way for them to know what are (agreement) happening in the world."

1: What's the meaning of parallel? I suppose you are telling me I should use "to use" instead of "using". Is it right?

2: What's the meaning of agreement?
Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Henbeibi
1: What's the meaning of parallel? I suppose you are telling me I should use "to use" instead of "using". Is it right?

- Yup.
Henbeibi 2: What's the meaning of agreement?
Radio seems the best way for them to know what are (agreement) happening in the world."

- It takes a singular verb.

Hope that helps!

I see. Thank you.Emotion: smile