Hi

Please review my IELTS task 1 writing.



The bar graphs compare the exports of international tourism, dairy products, and meat products in Southland in 2000, 2022, and the projected figures in 2025.

On the one hand, the exports in international tourism and dairy products increased between 2000 and 2022, and, on the other, the export of meat products came down. The projections for 2025 show that, of the three, international tourism alone will increase its export from the existing level.

While international tourism increased its exports from eight billion dollars to nine between 2000 and 2022, the export of dairy products, which was seven billion dollars in 2000, touched 10 billion dollars in 2022. However, when the export of tourism industry is projected to increase to 10 billion dollars in 2025, the export of dairy products is estimated to decrease slightly. Additionally, while the export of meat products which was at six billion dollars in 2000, in 2022, it was marginally less, and in 2025, it is expected to slide a little further.


Suresh

1 2

The task does not make sense.

I have heard of exporting oil, electronic equipment, wheat or fruit, but never "international tourism". How can you pack this up on a ship and export it??

Besides 20.. makes no sense as a year. If they wanted to indicate a recent data value, it should have been "last year", not 20..

Feel bad. I am sorry. I had the same doubt about using "international tourism against export". I should have given up on it but went ahead because I thought there is something about it and export as the question was from Cambridge Practice Material given to one of my students.

Thank you for your comments, AlpheccaStars.



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Someone really goofed on this task.

They should have been:

The chart below gives Southland main sources of revenue from other countries in 2000, last year and future projections for 2025.

Bar graph legend should be

"Tourism"
"Meat exports"
"Dairy exports"

Furthermore, the "current year" is not good. Suppose someone is taking the test in January. How can you have accurate, measured data on income from the current year, when it is barely started?


Here is a revision.. Use this one.

Thank you very much, AlpheccaStars.

I will use this question.

Suresh

Hi

Could you check this for me?

The bar graphs compare Southland’s principal sources of income namely, International tourism, dairy exports, and meat exports in 2000, last year, and the projected amount in 2025.

Overall, international tourism and dairy products have contributed to Southland’s revenue substantially more than meat exports both in 2000 and last year. Both are estimated to maintain more or less their present level even in 2025.

In 2000, while the revenue from international tourism and dairy products were eight and seven billion pounds respectively, last year at ten billion pounds, the revenue from dairy exports overtook that of international tourism by one billion pounds. However, in 2025, it is estimated that revenue from international tourism will be slightly more the revenue from dairy exports. Additionally, revenue from meat exports which was at six billion pounds in 2000, decreased to five last year, and it is expected to slide a little further in 2025.

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The bar graphs compare Southland’s three principal sources of income from abroad / from other countries namely, International tourism, dairy exports, and meat exports for three years: in 2000, last year, and the projected amount in 2025.


Better: Uncomplicate the sentence to make it clearer for the reader. Make sure the units of measure are specified so the reader knows exactly what is plotted.

The bar graph compares the amounts of foreign income in billion pounds sterling from three sources for three different years. Sources are International tourism, dairy exports, and meat exports and the years are 2000, the previous year, and an estimate for 2025.


Overall, international tourism and dairy products have contributed to Southland’s revenue substantially more than meat exports both in 2000 and last year. Both are estimated to maintain more or less their present level even in 2025.

In 2000, while the revenue from international tourism and dairy products were eight and seven billion pounds respectively, last year at ten billion pounds, the revenue from dairy exports overtook that of international tourism by one billion pounds. However, in 2025, it is estimated that revenue from international tourism will be slightly more the revenue from dairy exports. Additionally, revenue from meat exports which was at six billion pounds in 2000, decreased to five last year, and it is expected to slide a little further in 2025.


Sample essay: Notice that once I name the three categories, I can "shortcut" the names in subsequent paragraphs. Note the coherence and cohesion in the third paragraph. Starting at the forecast, and then comparing last year and finally the earliest year 2000. You can progress in either time direction, but the final year projection had the highest total income, so I started there. Also note that I compared the totals, adding up the three amounts for each time point. Then I described the relative contribution of each sector.


The bar graph compares the amounts (billion pounds sterling) of Southland's foreign income from three sources for three different years. Sources are international tourism, dairy exports, and meat exports and the years are 2000, last year, and an estimate for 2025.

Overall, tourism and dairy produce higher revenue than meat products. The amount from tourism is on the increase, whereas that from meat is steadily decreasing. Income from dairy products is variable; being the largest last year and in second place in 2000 and the 2025 forecast.

In detail, total income is predicted to be 24.5 billion pounds in 2025, a gain of 3.5 billion over 2000, but equal to that of last year. Tourism (10 billion) and dairy (9.5 billion) will be nearly equal contributors, with dairy in third place at 5 billion. These amounts showed a similar pattern last year, except that dairy exceeded tourism by 1 billion. There were smaller differences between them in 2000, with tourism, dairy and meat contributing 8, 7 and 6 billion pounds respectively.

(~170 words)

Hi AlpheccaStars

Thank you very much for the comments and the sample essay.

AlpheccaStarsBetter: Uncomplicate the sentence to make it clearer for the reader. Make sure the units of measure are specified so the reader knows exactly what is plotted.

Okay. Thank you

AlpheccaStars Notice that once I name the three categories, I can "shortcut" the names in subsequent paragraphs. Note the coherence and cohesion in the third paragraph. Starting at the forecast, and then comparing last year and finally the earliest year 2000. You can progress in either time direction, but the final year projection had the highest total income, so I started there. Also note that I compared the totals, adding up the three amounts for each time point. Then I described the relative contribution of each sector.

I went through this as I read through the third paragraph of your essay. I understand. The first idea of totally up the revenues from the three sources was a very useful lesson.

Thank you once again

Suresh

Here is a good video for cohesion and coherence.

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I have written enough Task 1 sample essays, with and without notes, to fill a book. If you search through the Forums, you can find some.

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