Please review my essay.
Organised tours to remote places and communities are increasingly popular. Is this a positive or negative development for local people and the local environment?
Tourism is becoming increasingly popular as concepts like eco-tourism and village tourism are gaining momentum in the current times. Local communities have come to the forefront as more people are visiting seldom explored villages on the outskirts to delve into the environmental and cultural significance of such areas. This is indeed a positive development as it moots the livelihood and economic progression in rural areas.
Eco-tourism, heritage tourism, and cultural tourism and the likes are gaining popularity among tourist enthusiasts and countries are equipping their tourism markets by focusing on such emerging trends that highlight the importance of environment, heritage and culture. This in a way is helping the resuscitation of nature which has been severely deteriorated with the advent of industrialization. For example, Kochi, one of the fastest developing cities in Kerala was facing various environmental threats including industrial fires, pollution and so on. However, with the effective development of the tourism sector on the outskirts of Kochi, it has become an eco-tourism hub of Kerala.
The increasing benefit for local communities is another reason that has helped the tourism industry thrive in remote areas. Promoting tourism among local communities certainly gives a fillip to their indigenous industries such as arts, handicrafts, painting, etc. It also helps in spreading the cultural and historical legacy of such places. For instance, Fort Kochi which was a Jew-settlement area in the colonial era is now a popular tourist destination visited by people from all across the world. The town is now known after its Jewish cathedrals and museums. It has also revived the livelihood of the shrinking Jewish population who has been long forgotten by the people.
Organising tours to remote places has to be highly encouraged as long as it contributes to the flourishing of its local communities without disturbing the environmental and cultural balance of its ecosystem.
Tourism (The task is not concerning tourism in general. You need to focus directly on the given task.) is becoming increasingly popular as the Covid pandemic has subsided. (Now, that is much more believable, isn't it? But it is irrelevant for the task.
Advice: Do these three things first, before you even begin thinking about the task.
- Read the task instructions.
- Read the task instructions.
- Read the task instructions.
You need to read very very carefully to understand the topic and to be able to focus on it.
Vacationing concepts like eco-tourism and village tourism are gaining momentum. in the current times. (The present tense main verb obviates the need for a time expression. This is redundant and unnecessary.You can also use the present perfect continuous. ) Local communities have come to the forefront in touring companies' planning as more people are interested in visiting seldom-explored villages on the outskirts (Of what? Most of these villages are in the middle of nowhere, as deep in the African savannah or high in the mountains of Nepal.) to delve into the environmental and cultural significance of such areas. This is indeed a positive development as it moots (wrong word. Moot means irrelevant or insignificant) promotes the livelihood and economic progression in rural areas.
Eco-tourism, heritage tourism, and cultural tourism and the likes (wrong usage.The singular, not the plural form is correct. Also, do not use "..." or "etc." and phrases that cause the reader to be distracted from your argument. The essay needs to be 100% yours. You need to guide the reader's mind and thinking. If you put these indeterminant phrases in, the reader's mind goes away from your essay to their internal ideas as they try to think of words that complete the series. Sloppy writers also use these terms when they run out of their own ideas. That destroys the coherence and cohesion of your essay. ) are gaining popularity among tourist enthusiasts (wrong phrase) adventurous and wealthy travelers who want to go off the beaten track. and countries are equipping (??? Usually private tour companies do this, not the governments. They might have to ask for permits to visit sensitive areas. ) their tourism markets by focusing on such emerging trends that highlight the importance of the environment, heritage and culture. This in a way is helping the resuscitation of nature which has been severely deteriorated with the growth of industry the advent of industrialization. (Avoid the word "advent". It is mainly used in a religious - Christian - context. Most of the time, it does not fit.) For example, Kochi, one of the fastest developing cities in Kerala (missing comma) was facing various environmental threats including industrial fires, pollution and so on. (see previous comment. Twice in the same paragraph you send the reader's imagination away from your arguments. You need to keep the reader engaged, continuously. ) However, with the effective development of the tourism sector on the outskirts of Kochi, (Is Kochi a "remote location?" Why would tourists looking for pristine nature and primitive villages be attracted to an industrial area devastated by fires and pollution? That is off topic. Take a look at this list, which contains tourist destinations that fit this topic.
https://www.fabhotels.com/blog/15-remote-yet-beautiful-locations-in-india/
This is from WIkipedia: Kochi is the most densely populated city in Kerala. As of 2011, it has a total urban population of more than of 2.1 million, making it the largest and the most populous metropolitan area in Kerala. I would not use the suburbs of Kochi as an example for this topic.)
it has become an eco-tourism hub of Kerala.
The increasing benefit for local communities is another reason that has helped the tourism industry thrive in remote areas. Promoting tourism among local communities certainly gives a fillip (I have not heard this word. The reader may confuse it with "Give a flip" which is slang. It is probably more common in Indian English. ) to stimulates / enlivens their indigenous industries such as arts, handicrafts, painting, etc. (see previous comment. This is the third distraction. Your coherence and cohesion score will plummet with each uncompleted thought. ) It also helps in spreading the cultural and historical legacy of such places. For instance, Fort Kochi which was a Jew-settlement (Not a good collocation) an area settled by Jews in the colonial era is now a popular tourist destination visited by people from all across the world. (It is not a remote destination! You have contradicted yourself and gone off-topic) The town is now known after for its Jewish cathedrals (wrong word. A cathedral is a holy place for celebrations of the mass for Catholics. A synagogue is the place of worship for Jews. Catholics historically persecuted the Jews. ) and museums. It has also revived the livelihood of the shrinking Jewish population who has been long forgotten by the people.
Organising tours to remote places has to be highly encouraged as long as it contributes to the flourishing of its local communities without disturbing the environmental and cultural balance of its ecosystem. (Do not add new ideas or argument points in the concluding paragraph. There was no mention of "disturbing the ecosystem" in the body paragraphs. Also, you need to answer the prompt again in the conclusion: Is it a positive or negative development?)
Dear Alpheccastars,
I feel deeply indebted to you for painstakingly going through my essay and giving accurate and convincing suggestions. Thank you so much!!
Thank you. I worry a lot about being overly picky and critical.
Many essay writers have the writing skills for a superb essay, but fail to read the task carefully enough to answer on-target. Even native speakers get lower marks, not because of grammar or vocabulary, but because of missing the mark and silly mistakes!