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In many societies in the world, the population is ageing rapidly and this is leading to an unsustainable increase in the cost of public healthcare.
A nation’s population should pay for their healthcare provision in the future.
To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

Nowadays, in manifold parts of the world, there has been a rise in the average life expectancy which results in a larger amount of money spent on public health attention. It is argued whether the community ought to pay for health insurance to tackle this problem on their own. I strongly believe that there are both merits and demerits of this tendency.

Undoubtedly, there are numerous ways to prepare for the decrease in health when people get old. First of all, health insurance is claimed to be a perfect way to support people in terms of money when they are ill. At young age, they can save their wages for insurance, later, this sum of money can be helpful as it helps people to pay for a big amount of the total expenses of healthcare. Nevertheless, if people do not pay for healthcare provision while they are young, they will have to spend a gigantic amount of money for medical treatment in the hospital, which is a nearly impossible thing because during the time they are seriously ill, they can’t go to work every day to earn money.

On the other hand, many individuals hold that in some circumstances, health insurance seems useless. There is no denying that the amount of money which is spent on medical care is truly necessary when it is big enough to help us. For many people, when they are young, their earnings are not high enough to afford things such as accommodation, food, and health. They concur that governments should provide money for them so that patients can be in an acceptable hospital and good condition. For example, according to American Privacy, youngsters have to pay taxes for the authorities to help the elderly overcome illnesses and provide supplements.

In conclusion, the choice of buying health insurance is affected by many aforementioned factors and it depends on people’s backgrounds.

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Nowadays, in manifold (wrong usage.) parts of the world, there has been a rise in the average life expectancy which results in a larger amount of money spent on public health attention. (wrong usage.) It is argued whether the community ought to pay for health insurance to tackle this problem on their own. I strongly believe that there are both merits and demerits (wrong usage.) of this tendency. (wrong usage.)


You did not answer the topic question: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

This is not an "advantages/disadvantages" essay. To get a good score in "task completion" you must clearly answer the prompt in the first paragraph.


You should use an adverb of extent: completely, totally, wholeheartedly, without reservations, with reservations, partly, partially, somewhat, not at all.

e.g.

I completely agree that government provision of healthcare has no future and people must be forced to save enough of their salaries while working to cover their medical needs when they are old.

I agree with certain reservations. The government must always pay for the healthcare of the poorest segment of the population, while the middle and upper class should pay their own way.

I completely disagree. The government should raise taxes to an extent that will cover the medical needs of the elderly.

Your last sentence is not good. "I strongly believe there are advantages and disadvantages ..." (You can put almost anything here. Almost everything is this world has advantages and disadvantages. You can believe that strongly, but it makes no sense to say so.

Also, do not use a vocabulary word unless you are sure you are using it in a correct and natural manner.


Undoubtedly, there are numerous ways to prepare for the decrease in health when people get old. First of all, health insurance is claimed to be a perfect way to support people in terms of money when they are ill. At a young age, they can save their wages for insurance, (comma splice error. Ungrammatical sentence.) later, this sum of money can be helpful as it helps people to pay for their a big amount of the total expenses of healthcare. Nevertheless, if people do not pay for their healthcare provision (wrong usage.) while they are young, they will have to spend a gigantic amount of money for medical treatment in the hospital, which is a nearly impossible thing because during the time they are seriously ill, they can’t (Do not use contractions in a formal essay.) go to work every day to earn money.

On the other hand, many individuals hold that in some circumstances, health insurance seems useless. There is no denying that the amount of money which is spent on medical care is truly necessary. when it is big enough to help us. For many people, when they are young, their earnings are not high enough to afford things such as accommodation, food, and health. They concur that governments should provide money for them so that patients can be in an acceptable hospital and good condition. For example, according to American Privacy, (wrong usage.) youngsters (wrong usage. In the US a youngster is a child aged 7-12. They are in school and do not pay taxes. ) have to pay taxes for the authorities to help the elderly overcome illnesses and provide supplements.

In conclusion, the choice of buying health insurance is affected by many aforementioned (Do not use this word. ) factors and it depends on people’s backgrounds. (You did not give any examples. Your writing was not very logical and clear. I could not understand many of the arguments. )

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Hello, and welcome to Englishforums, Zedder.

Essays should be posted to our Essay Forum:

https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

I have moved this thread, but please choose the above forum for posting your essays.

Good luck with your studies.

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It seems to me that the key question you were asked was this.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It seems to me that you have not really answered this question clearly. If you think you did, please underline the sentence(s) in which you answered this question, and show us so hat we can comment further.

Clive

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Why "demerits" in that sentence is a wrong usage?

Zedder001

Why "demerits" in that sentence is a wrong usage?

Demerit is not a general-purpose word.

A demerit is black mark you get for some offence (Most of the usage applies to this situation.) It can also be a feature or an aspect of a proposal or performance that deserves a negative review. Even then, it is not used much at all. It barely registers on the Google Ngram viewer.

The 28-year-old Belconnen man was fined $644 and lost four demerit points.
None of us should speed and this is why we have fines and demerit points.

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=merit%2Cdemerit%2Cdisadvantage&year_start=1980&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Cmerit%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cdemerit%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Cdisadvantage%3B%2Cc0

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