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The bar chart plots the number of Britains who migrated to Australia, Spain, New Zealand, the USA, and France from 2004 to 2007.

Overall, the numbers of immigrants in 2006 and 2007 were lower than in 2004 and 2005. Australia had been the most popular destination throughout the four-year period while the opposite was true for the USA.

In 2004 and 2005, nearly 20 thousand Britains migrated to the USA and there were a twice number of that going to Australia. The number of UK citizens moving toward France increase significantly from around 22,000 to approximate 43,000 in these years.

In the last two years, 2006 and 2007, the figures for Australia continued to be the highest number in term of UK immigration, which reached a peak at 53,000 in 2006 and then declined to 43,000 in 2007. At the same time, the number of British immigrants in Spain experienced a moderate drop, from nearly 35,000 to 27,000. On the other hand, New Zealand and America had less UK immigrants with only around 20,000 people in 2007, compared with the three remaining countries.

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Please attach an image of what you are writing about. We cannot help you if we can't see the figure.

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The bar chart plots the number of Britains citizens of the UK / British people who migrated to Australia, Spain, New Zealand, the USA, and France annually from 2004 to 2007.



Overall, the numbers of immigrants emigrants in 2006 and 2007 were lower than in 2004 and 2005. (That is not a good observation. Just the opposite is true. If you add up the numbers, there were a total of 287,000 in 2006-7 and 256,000 in 2004-5.) Australia had been was the most popular destination throughout the four-year period while the opposite was true for the USA.

In 2004 and 2005, nearly 20 thousand (Wrong number. The total in 2004-5 is 43, not 20 thousand.) Britains migrated (wrong clause structure) to the USA and there were a twice number (wrong expression) of that (wrong pronoun) going to Australia. The number of UK citizens moving toward (wrong word) France increase (wrong form) significantly from around 22,000 to approximate (wrong expression) 43,000 in each of these years.

In the last two years, 2006 and 2007, the figures (wrong word) for Australia continued to be the highest number in term (wrong form) of UK immigration, which reached a peak at 53,000 in 2006 and then declined to 43,000 in 2007. At the same time, the number of British immigrants in Spain experienced (wrong word, Only living creatures have experiences or witness things or see things. Numbers do not have experiences. "the number dropped / declined / decreased moderately" ) a moderate drop, from nearly 35,000 to 27,000. On the other hand, New Zealand and America had fewer less UK immigrants with only around 20,000 people in 2007, compared with the three remaining countries.


Vocabulary: figure

In math and science articles a figure is a diagram or graph within the text. Avoid this word to mean a data value.

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Comments  
Khoa Ngọc Cônumber of Britains

Should be Britons https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/briton?q=Briton

 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.

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Oh Thanks

 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.

Your proofreading is very meaningful to me, I have stuck at 6.0 writing for so long. With your help, I will work hard and am going to improve. To make sure that I can fully understand your feedback, I decided to rewrite my essay according to errors that you pointed out and also write another version.

1. I hope you can have a look at two essays and tell me which one is better.

2. I also have a question that why " the figure for" is a wrong word. Because I have read many model IELTS essays using this word as well as " the statistic of"

I am looking forward to hearing from you. Thanks.

Version 1: After correcting the errors.

The bar chart plots the number of citizens of the UK who migrated to Australia, Spain, New Zealand, the USA, and France annually from 2004 to 2007.

Overall, the total number of emigrants in 2006 and 2007 was higher than in 2004 and 2005. Australia was the most popular destination throughout the four-year period while the opposite was true for the USA.

In 2004 and 2005, nearly 43,000 British residents migrated to the USA, which was half of the number of those going to Australia (around 22,000 people). The number of UK citizens migrating to France increased significantly from around 22,000 to approximately 43,000 in each of these years.

In the last two years, 2006 and 2007, the figures for Australia continue to be the highest in terms of UK immigration, which reached the peak at 53,000 in 2006 and then decline to 43,000 in 2007. Simultaneously, the number of British immigrants in Spain dropped moderately by, from 35,000 to 27,000. On the other hand, New Zealand and America had fewer British immigrants with only around 20,000 individuals in 2007, compared with the three remaining countries.

Version 2: Redo the essay in

The bar chart plots the number of citizens of the UK who migrated to Australia, Spain, New Zeland, the USA, and France annually from 2004 to 2007.

Overall, the numbers of British emigrants going to Australia and Spain are higher than in New Zealand, USA, and France. There are two dramatic increases in the number of British immigrants happening in Australia and France, in 2006 and 2005 respectively.

As the most popular destination, nearly 40 thousand British residents emigrated to Australia in 2004-5. Spain had fewer immigrants with around 35 thousand people in 2005 and it gradually declined to approximately 30,000 in 2007. On the other hand, The figures for New Zealand and America remained low with no greater than 25,000 throughout the four-year period.

The British population migrating to Australia reached the highest number at 52,000 in 2006, but then felt substantially to roughly 43,000. However, it was still the most preferable place for British emigrants. Although the statistic of France was the lowest in 2004, it climbed up sharply and reached the peak at nearly 34,000, which approximated to the number of British immigrants in France each year from 2004 to 2007.

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