Some people regard videos game as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos game are having an adverse effected on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawback of video games outweigh the benefits?

Nowadays, videos game are a common choice for leisure time, children in particular really enjoy playing videos game. While I accept that these games have some benefits for children development, I believe that they are more likely to have negative effects on children.

On the one hand, videos game can be both educational and entertaining. They improve kids problem-solving and develop creativity. In videos game, children always have to struggle with challenge missions to get higher levels, which seem to help children learn how to make decisions, use strategies and express their personalities. Furthermore. Videos game bring to children an opportunity to make friends. Schoolchildren may have a tendency to play games with a group friend, either in the same room or online. In that way, they might be easier to make conversation or get a chance to meet people who have different backgrounds, as a result, they would expand their relationship circle.

On the other hand, videos game can be addictive and promoted such isolation, health problems. Children seem to spend too much time playing games rather than physical playing outside, which is a factor of missing out on their social life. They tend to immerse in the virtual world, so take no notice to real-life pastimes. This type of addiction can have effects ranging from lack of sleep to problems at school. To complete challenging tasks and get a higher score of their friends, they might scarify for hours on the computer and console and totally ignore their homework. Videos game take responsibility for obesity. The major number of children who get obesity are gamers who are likely to stick on a desk, have a sedentary lifestyle and lack of exercise.

In conclusion, I consider that the potential danger of video games are more significant than the possible merit.

I made some corrections for you.

huyen thu

Some people regard X-videos game [video games] as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that X-videos game [video games] are having an adverse X-effected [effect] on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawback of video games outweigh the benefits?

*The question had some errors, for some reason.

Nowadays, X-videos game [video games] are a common choice for leisure time, [;] children in particular really enjoy playing video game. While I accept that these games have some benefits for children['s] development, I believe that they are more likely to have negative effects on children.

On the one hand, video game can be both educational and entertaining. They improve kids['s - or leave out/informal usage..] problem-solving and develop creativity. In video game, children always have to struggle with challenge missions to get [get to / achieve ] higher levels, which seem to help children learn how to make decisions, use strategies and express their personalities. Furthermore.[,] [v]ideo game X-bring to [give] children an opportunity to make friends. Schoolchildren may have a tendency to play games with a group [of] friend, either in the same room or online. In X-that [this] way, they might X-be [find it] easier to make conversation or get a chance to meet people who have different backgrounds X-, [;] as a result, they X-would [can] expand their relationship [social] circle.

On the other hand, X-videos video game can be addictive and X - promoted[promote] X-such ? isolation, [and] health problems. Children seem to spend too much time playing games rather than X-physical (delete) playing outside, which is a factor X-of missing out [that has negative effects] on their social life. They tend to immerse [get immersed/immerse themselves] in the virtual world, [and] so they X-take no notice to [neglect] real-life X-pastimes.(check spelling) This type of addiction can have effects ranging from lack of sleep to problems at school. To complete challenging tasks and get a higher score X-of [than] their friends, they might scarify (?) for hours on the computer and console and totally ignore their homework. Videos [Video] game X-take responsibility for-> [can lead to] obesity. The X-major [highest] number of children who X-get[have] obesity are gamers[,] who are likely to X-stick on [sit at] a desk, have a sedentary lifestyle and X-lack of [neglect/not] exercise.

(True? A general statement might be best here: "Many children who are gamers have problems with obesity because they are....")

In conclusion, I consider that the potential danger of video games are more significant than the possible merit.

Thank you for your help

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It is generally well-written, as far as cohesion and clarity and task achievement are concerned. That is the most difficult part, so good work.
Thank you for your feedback. It's really helpful for me to improve writing skill. I'm quite bad at writing.

Huyen thu

As I see it, you have a wide vocabulary and you are aware of the many different ways to express an idea. You use transition words and phrases correctly.

Sometimes you chose the phrase that was not the best one, but that is actually evidence that you know many different ways to say things. I can try to give you more useful feedback the next time. Now, I am texting on my mobile, sorry.

Example:

"Thank you for your feedback. *It is very helpful for me to improve writing skill." (Awkward)

Notes:

1. It is very helpful for me.

*helpful (adj) for me + to improve..= This is awkward/does not fit together for the specific context in the above message. (See below.)

2. It helps me to improve MY writing.

3. It helps me to improve MY writing skillS.

4. It helps me improve my writing.

5. It helps me (to) improve.


General: "[It] is very helpful for me to improve my writing skills," is a general statement. It does not specifically refer back to the previous sentence about "feedback."

"[It] it is very helpful for me," however, DOES refer back to "feedback."

The issue is that over five different sentences are possible- and you know that.

For reference:

5 sentences are possible with "It helps..."

It helps 1 / me 2 / to improve 3 / my writing 4 / skills 5

Bye for now

Nel

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

Thanks, I really appreciate it. You're so nice