Please check and give me your opinions about this essay. Thanks for your kind !

Topic:


An increasing number of people are buying what they need online.

What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online.


Answer:

Recently, the number of people who purchases various products and services online is increasing more than ever before. There is no denying the fact that online shopping has become more popular than in-store shopping. This trend has both positive and negative impacts on customers and suppliers as well.


On the first side, online shopping is indeed convenient. Customers do not need to go outside to shop, they can purchase anything simply with a few mouse clicks from the comfort of their houses. Furthermore, online shopping allows people to select from a wide range of products, and the prices and features are often compared enabling customers to choose the right products that suit their needs. For retailers, it is easier to manage the business, all they need is the warehouse and an office, hire a couple people to start our own online businesses. Plus, the business can be exposed to people throughout the day to fit different groups of customers needs.


On the other side, the ease of online shopping has made many people compulsive shoppers. Most of us spend lots of time on the internet every day. And while we are on the internet, we get bombarded with numerous advertisements. The fact that online shopping encourages us to buy things that we do not need or use cannot be denied. This can lead to debts. Also, there are security concerns. When we buy things online, we run a small risk of getting our financial information exploited by hackers. There are some disadvantages for the suppliers also. The biggest concern is in relation to the returning policy.It is reasonable for people to try on clothes, and they have the right to return the product if they don't fit. However, to the retailers, this kind of situation will create a lot more works and lower the efficiency.


In conclusion, Online shopping has been very familiar to many of us nowadays. Besides many benefits, this kind of business also brings some problems for both customers and retailers.

Lover englishRecently, the number of people ... is increasing .

"Recently" refers to a period up to now. Therefore we need present perfect: has been increasing. (Continuous as it still is).

https://www.google.com/search?lr=lang_en&tbs=lr%3Alang_1en&tbm=bks&ei=o2aMXJL5MNLz9QO1u5bYAQ&q=%22Recently%2C+the+population+has+been+increasing%22&oq=%22Recently%2C+the+population+has+been+increasing%22&gs_l=psy-ab.3...4499.8498.0.8978.14.12.2.0.0.0.190.1845.0j11.11.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..1.0.0....0.SCTMSvkWmi4

https://www.google.com/search?hl=uk&tbo=p&tbm=bks&q=%22Recently+the+number+has+been+increasing%22&num=10

Lover englishThere is no denying the fact that online shopping has become more popular than in-store shopping.

Really? Have you any evidence to support this?

Lover englishon customers and suppliers as well.

"as well" is unneeded. Alternatively: on customers as well as suppliers.

Lover englishOn the first side

Do you mean "on the plus side"? Or 'on the one hand' ?

Lover englishfrom the comfort of their houses

https://www.google.com/search?lr=lang_en&tbs=lr%3Alang_1en&tbm=bks&ei=q2eMXJHjENS7rQHxqqMQ&q=%22from+the+comfort+of+their+own+homes%22&oq=%22from+the+comfort+of+their+own+homes%22&gs_l=psy-ab.3...83551.92859.0.93164.45.40.3.0.0.0.327.5849.0j16j12j1.29.0....0...1c.1.64.psy-ab..26.6.1235...0i19k1.0.q-swo5u3EYI

of their own homes

Lover english all they need is the warehouse and an office, hire

all they need is to set up a warehouse and office, and (to) hire

Keep the grammar parallel.

Lover englisha couple people

https://books.google.com/ngrams/graph?content=a+couple+of+people%2Ca+couple+people&year_start=1960&year_end=2008&corpus=15&smoothing=3&share=&direct_url=t1%3B%2Ca%20couple%20of%20people%3B%2Cc0%3B.t1%3B%2Ca%20couple%20people%3B%2Cc0

a couple of people.

"A couple people" is apparently used in some sections of American English.

Lover englishour own

Retailers ...... their own

Lover english business can be exposed

A business could be exposed to risks. A more suitable phrase might be "open for business", 'shopping 24/7' or similar.

Lover englishOn the other side

On the other hand, ...

There are languages, such as Russian, in which people do say "on the other side", but not in English please.

Lover englishthe ease of online shopping has made many people compulsive shoppers

Really? Any evidence that "many" people have become compulsive shoppers as a direct result of the internet? Be careful not to over-generalize: it will disbar the essay from a Band 8 for Task Response. "Some people" would be fine.

Lover englishlots of

informal

Lover englishMost of us spend much time on the internet every day.

Again, this implies a majority of the entire population. I would suggest this goes too far.

Lover english we get bombarded with numerous advertisements.

Not if you use an ad-blocker.

Lover englishcannot be denied

It can be denied. I have never bought anything on the internet that I did not need, so your argument is unfounded.

Lover englishreturning policy.It i

returns policy. It ... (leave a space after punctuation).

Lover englishdon't

do not

Lover englishworks

'Work' is rarely plural.

Lover english the efficiency

lower efficiency (no article)

Lover englishOnline

Why capitalized?

Lover english has been

has become

Lover englishBesides many benefits

Besides the many benefits (referring to those already mentioned)

Lover english brings some problems

creates/causes/leads to some problems

Thank you for your support !