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So, I`d like to ask some help in checking my IELTS writing again.

Here is the task:
Some people think that human history has been a journey from ignorance to knowledge. Others argue that this underestimates the achievements of ancient cultures, and overvalues our achievements.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people argue that human history has been a journey from ignorance to knowledge. While on the surface this may seem true we have to look into some historical examples first. It is easy to say that people living two thousand years ago were all ignorant peasants incapable of any rational thought. But those who say so forget to mention that in that time some of the most genius philosophers, scientists, engineers were born. Plato, Socrates, Cicero, Aristoteles, Euclides to name but a few. Upon the works of these people we were building for thousands of years, perfecting their ideas, adapting them to the times and circumstances. And in some respects the people living in the antique times were much less ignorant and devoted a lot more of their time on finding the truths of nature and existence. Now we can not forget the horrors that happened during the Dark Ages, but while Europe was suffering from feudalism the rest of the world was flourishing and developing further. That era in the muslim world is known as "the golden age" and rightfully so. Arts were flourishing, new discoveries were being made and spread. As more discoveries bread more knowledge, led to more inventions, which in turn led to more discoveries. At first this process was slow, but by the time we reached the industrial revolution it had become unstoppable, rising in a geometrical progression. That is the reason why in the last 50 years more inventions were made than in the past 5000 years. Concluding all that has been said above, there is no way we can look into the future without remembering our past.
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Some people argue that human history has been a journey from ignorance to knowledge. While on the surface this may seem true, we have to look into some historical examples first. It is easy to say that people living two thousand years ago were all ignorant peasants incapable of any rational thought. But those who say so forget to mention that in that time some of the most genius (ingenious) philosophers, scientists, engineers were born. Plato, Socrates, Cicero, Aristoteles, Euclides to name but a few. (fragment) Upon the works of these people we were have been building for thousands of years, perfecting their ideas, adapting them to the times and circumstances. And in some respects the people living in the antique (ancient) times were much less ignorant and devoted a lot more of their time to on finding the truths of nature and existence. Now we can not forget the horrors that happened during the Dark Ages, but while Europe was suffering from feudalism the rest of the world was flourishing and developing further. That era in the muslim world is known as "the golden age" and rightfully so. Arts were flourishing, new discoveries were being made and spread. As more discoveries bread more knowledge, led to more inventions, which in turn led to more discoveries. (fragment) At first this process was slow, but by the time we reached the industrial revolution it had become unstoppable, rising in a geometrical progression. That is the reason why in the last 50 years more inventions were made than in the past 5000 years. Concluding all that has been said above, there is no way we can look into the future without remembering our past.
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Thanks a lot Emotion: big smile