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I've written an essay of IELTS writing task 2. And I want some comments on this. this is the first time I've finish an overall essay.

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.


There are some different views about whether school boards should compel their students to concentrate thoroughly on academic studies or make physical education become a core subject at schools. In my opinion, it is necessary that students take part in physical activities due to some benefits of this action.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that physical exercises bring back youngsters some good points of health. Actually, many researchers has said that doing exercise regularly will help to maintain a good memory for things and boost the process of the body’s metabolism which is essential for the young age. Today, many students regard this activity as the superd way for them to keep fit and unwind after an overwhelming schedule at schools. Moreover, students who readily participate in physical exercises in education environment will find it much easier to make friends with others and learn more about some prime skills, including effective teamwork, public speaking and conflict resolution skill.

On the other hand, if pupils spend all of their school lifetime improving academic standards, some serious outcomes may happen expectedly. Not only will they highly suffer from extreme mental fatigue and stress but they are also lacking in some necessary social skills. For example, the fact that a student is very good at solving the most difficult Maths exercises does not mean he or she easily figure out a solution to a specific urgent circumstance. So, keeping students active at schools by organizing some sports activities and clubs will help teachers to connect pupils to others, adapting the conditions of global integration in the recent years.

In conclusion, although being proficient in academic subjects gives students a potential advantage over otheer competitors when finding employment in the future, it is still important for them to have a good mind and healthy lifestyle which can be got from doing physical activites often especially at schools. I believe that balancing knowledge with fitness is a key to lead a successful school life.

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I've written an essay of for IELTS writing task 2, and I want would appreciate some comments on this. This is the first time I've finish an overall written a complete essay.

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

There are some different views about whether school boards should compel require their students to concentrate thoroughly solely on academic studies subjects or to make physical education become a core subject at schools. In my opinion, it is necessary that students take part in physical activities due to some the undeniable benefits they bring. of this action.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that physical exercise s bring back is very beneficial to the health of youngsters. some good points of health. Actually, many researchers has said have proven that doing exercise regularly will helps to maintain a good memory for things and boosts the processes of the body’s metabolism as well as the immune system. which is essential for the young age. Today, many students regard this activity physical education classes as the superd [That is not a word!] best way for them to keep fit and unwind relax after an overwhelming schedule at school. Moreover, students who readily participate in physical exercises in education an academic environment will find it much easier to make friends with others and learn more about some prime many social skills, including effective teamwork, public speaking and conflict resolution. skill.

On the other hand, if pupils students spend all of their time at school lifetime improving learning purely academic subjects, standards, some serious undesirable outcomes may be inevitable. happen expectedly. Not only will they likely highly suffer from extreme mental fatigue and stress, but they are may also lack ing in some necessary social skills. For example, the fact that a student is very good at solving the most difficult maths exercises does not mean he or she can easily deal with life's challenges figure out a solution to a specific or various urgent circumstances. So, Furthermore, keeping students active at schools by organizing some sports activities and clubs competitions will help teachers to connect better with their students. pupils to others, adapting the conditions of global integration in the recent years.

In conclusion, although being proficient in academic subjects gives is important for students, a potential advantage over otheer competitors when finding employment in the future, it is still just as important for them to have a good mind and healthy lifestyle which can be got from doing do physical activities often especially at school to ensure that they stay healthy and develop useful social skills. I believe that balancing knowledge with fitness is a key to lead a successful school life. [ Do not introduce new ideas or points in a conclusion]

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thank you so much

there are many mistakes in my essay

can you tell me whether the structure of my essay is okay or not? I was quite confused and unsure when starting to write it.

Ngoan ĐoànThank you so much.

You're welcome. Always start a sentence with a capital letter and end it with an appropriate punctuation mark. Emotion: smile

Ngoan ĐoànThere are many mistakes in my essay.

Don't let that get you down. In fact, you should see it as an opportunity to learn and improve. We all make mistakes, but the more we practise, the sooner we can improve.

Ngoan ĐoànCan you tell me whether the structure of my essay is okay or not? I was quite confused and unsure when starting to write it.

I don't see any structural problems with your essay. However, if you have the time and the inclination, you can take a look at my replies in the threads below, which talk about structuring an essay.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/DoesAnyoneCheckingTheseSentences/bkdvzz/post.htm

https://www.englishforums.com/English/PleaseReviewMyShortEssay/bjvdnh/post.htm

https://www.englishforums.com/English/PleaseHelp/bjjdcb/post.htm

https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayAgreeDisagreeYoungEnjoyLife-Older/bjnlwx/post.htm

https://www.englishforums.com/English/CanAnyoneCheckEssay/bwpzmg/post.htm

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