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Hello everyone. My name is Linh. I come from Viet Nam- a beautiful with captivating natural scenery. I start writing IELTS essay. Plz help me check my grammar, sentence structures.

Thanks!


Topic: According to a recent study, the more time people use the Internet, the less time they spend with real human beings. Some people say that instead of seeing the Internet as a way of opening up new communication possibilities world- wide, we should be concerned about the effect this is having on social interaction.

How far do you agree with this opinion?

My essay:

According to a recent investigation, more and more people spend a considerable amount of time using the Internet per day. Thus, spending less time with real people. I strongly agree that although this use of the Internet has greatly increased the level of communication available, it has also had detrimental effects on the amount and type of social interaction that takes place.

First of all, it is an indisputable fact that the Internet has brought significant alters to our lives. In earlier times, communication was only possible by phone or letter, which entailed time and expense. It usually meant just keeping in connect with loved ones or someone who you know. But, thanks to the Internet, this has changed dramatically. Nowadays, a great deal of giant companies like Microsoft, Facebook,.. have created more wonderful and useful apps to revolutionize the way we communicate between people and faraway places, especially in global trade.

That said, there is no doubt in my mind that this has had negative impacts on social interaction. People, especially young generations can spend long hours at their computer terminal, chatting and making new friends. Nonetheless, not all of them has negative influence on communicating, young people should have and maintain real friendships in order to improve their own interpersonal skills. Furthermore, if people spend most of their time communicating online and do not interact with neighborhoods in their local, they can face to the risk of social isolation in the not too distant future. The worst thing can be happened that nobody takes care of you if you need them.

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm that the internet has undoubtedly been beneficial, but there are good reasons to be concerned about social interaction in our societies. It is therefore important that we maintain a balance between our online life and our contact with real human beings.

Thank you!

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The first rule about writing IELTS essays is to read the topic very carefully. You must answer the essay prompt directly and clearly. You must convince the examiner that you have understood the topic.

In your essay, you have not done that. There is no mention of a trend of an increasing number of people using the Internet. Do not write that in the opening paragraph.

You did not make a good paraphrase of the topic.

You did not answer the prompt correctly.

It asks how much you agree with these concerned people's opinion. Are you worried about the negative effects or not?

You will lose a lot of points for "Task Completion". The topic is about the correlation between the amount of time someone spends on the internet and the degree of their personal interaction.


According to a recent investigation, more and more people (off topic) spend a considerable amount of time using the Internet per day. Thus, spending less time with real people. I strongly agree that although this use of the Internet has greatly increased the level of communication available, it has also had detrimental effects on the amount and type of social interaction that takes place. But are you concerned about that or not?

First of all, it is an indisputable fact that the Internet has brought significant alters (wrong word) to our lives. In earlier times, communication was only possible by phone or letter, which entailed time and expense. It usually meant just keeping in connect (wrong word) with loved ones or someone who you know. But, thanks to the Internet, this has changed dramatically. Nowadays, a great deal of giant companies like Microsoft, Facebook,.. (Do not use ellipses, "etc."of phrases like "and so on" in formal essays.) have created more wonderful and useful apps to revolutionize the way we communicate between people and faraway places, especially in global trade.

That said, there is no doubt in my mind that this has had negative impacts on social interaction. People, especially those in the young generations can spend long hours at their computers terminal, chatting and making new friends. Nonetheless, not all of them has (wrong form) a negative influence on communicating, (wrong punctuation. Comma splice error, ungrammatical sentence.) young people should have and maintain real friendships in order to improve their own interpersonal skills. Furthermore, if people spend most of their time communicating online and do not interact with neighborhoods (wrong word) in their local, (wrong usage) they can face to (wrong word) the risk of social isolation in the not too distant future. The worst thing can be happened (wrong form) that nobody takes care of you if you need them. (ungrammatical sentence, no main verb.)

By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm that the internet has undoubtedly been beneficial, but there are good reasons to be concerned about social interaction in our societies. It is therefore important that we maintain a balance between our online life and our contact with real human beings.

Comments  
piano pen 643Hello everyone. My name is Linh. I come from Viet Nam- a beautiful country with captivating natural scenery. I have started writing IELTS essays. Plz Please help me by checking my grammar, and sentence structures.

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 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.

thanks a lot for your help!!!