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This is my ielts writing task 1.Can someone help me check it and give me some advices ,please,thank you very much.

this is link of the charts (you can copy and search it on the Internet):

https://scontent.fhph1-2.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.15752-9/68525170_447674379152557_5758648840026587136_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_oc=AQlflSzIPs0fspMvoD0DfMoLY9PH3Xa6h68HPWHBfsFOwBk7kOSUX_WuVMojbGW3ozBTlhY0Om33H_yKK_Hn9GYM&_nc_ht=scontent.fhph1-2.fna&oh=07120c27969d0296af737e6d5008a35e&oe=5DC90EFE

And this is my essays:

The pie chart and the table illustrate major reasons triggering land erosion and their influences on three areas of the world (NA,E,O) in the 1990s.

Overall,it is clear that over-grazing is the principal reason causing soil degradation .Also, land in Oceania took high proportion in over-grazing ,nevertheless, the figure for Europe reached the biggest in total land degraded. Looking at pie chart in more details,we can see that the proportion of over-grazing is the highest in the number of causes,at 35% .In terms of deforestation and over-cultivation ,the number of them is quite similar with 30% and 28%,respectively.There are other factors that have responsible for 7% of land degradation.

Looking more specific in three regions affected ,obviously 0.2% of deforestation impacts on NA was the lowest while 9.8% of this problem belonged to E ,in contrast and there was about 1.7% in the O figure.When it comes to over-cultivation, the figure for NA and E were both higher than acceptance(3.3% and 7.7% ) while O was not attacked by this factor .However, there was a problem in the percentage of land in O degarded by over-grazing ,which accounted for 11.3%,twice as much as the percentage of E.Finally,the proportion total land degraded by 3 problems were also the highest in E(23%).

P/S ; By the way do you think how many scores i can get in IELTS exam with this essay? I will be very glad to your comments.

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In the future, please post essays in the essay forum so we don't have to move it.
https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

engish is goodCan someone help me check it

Your request is incorrect. Consider these three sentences.

1) Please help me to carry my bags ( You carry the bags, but I assist you. )
2) Please carry my bags. (I carry the bags for you. )
3) Please help me by carrying my bags. (If I carry your bags, it will be good for you.)

1) Please help me to check my essay. (You check your essay, but I assist. The web site does not allow this.)
2) Please check my essay. ( I check your essay and give you feedback. )
3) Please help me by checking my essay. (I check your essay and give you feedback. That will help you.)
engish is goodgive me some advices

We do not use "advices." Advice is non-count.

engish is goodP/S ; By the way do you think how many scores i can get in IELTS exam with this essay? I will be very glad to get your comments.

Never use "i" when you mean yourself. "i" is the ninth letter of the alphabet. "I" is the personal pronoun.

You will get only one score for the essay. Essays are awarded an average "band score" which can range from 0 to 9. The highest score is equivalent to an educated native speaker.

The score has 4 components.

engish is goodAnd this is my essays:

Do not use the plural form if there is only one. I think you posted one essay, not two or three.


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You have a lot of spacing errors. Put a space after each punctuation mark. Do not put a space before a punctuation mark.

Read my advice on Task 1 essays. You make the same mistakes as many writers.

After you read this, fix the spacing errors and other problems noted below and re-post your new version.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice



The pie chart and the table illustrate major reasons for triggering (wrong word) land erosion and their influences on three areas of the world (NA,E,O) in the 1990s. (Do not use your own abbreviations. You can use abbreviations and acronyms if they are extremely commonly used and recognized, such as GPS for Global Positioning System, USA for The United States of America, and UK for the United Kingdom.) Your first paragraph is incomplete. You do not name the specific causes listed in the figure.

Overall,it is clear that over-grazing is the principal reason causing soil degradation .Also, land in Oceania took high proportion in over-grazing ,nevertheless, the figure for Europe reached the biggest in total land degraded. Looking at pie chart in more details,we can see that the proportion of over-grazing is the highest in the number of causes,at 35% .In terms of deforestation and over-cultivation ,the number of them is quite similar with 30% and 28%,respectively.There are other factors that have responsible for 7% of land degradation.

Looking more specific in three regions affected ,obviously 0.2% of deforestation impacts on NA was the lowest while 9.8% of this problem belonged to E ,in contrast and there was about 1.7% in the O figure.When it comes to over-cultivation, the figure for NA and E were both higher than acceptance(3.3% and 7.7% ) while O was not attacked by this factor .However, there was a problem in the percentage of land in O degarded by over-grazing ,which accounted for 11.3%,twice as much as the percentage of E.Finally,the proportion total land degraded by 3 problems were also the highest in E(23%).

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
Comments  

thank you very much for your feedback. I will try to improve writing skills in my next essays.

But there is a small problem :You told me not to use clauses expressing opinion such as: "It is clear that" ;"Looking at the chart in more details" or "as can be seen ".... But actually I study these words from a teacher who used to be an IELTS examiner (Do you know Simon? He is very famous in my country). Here is the link:

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/ielts-writing-task-1/

And I always see my teacher write sentences like that, so I am very confused when hearing you said that . And do you mind explaining it again for me,please ?

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.