# Ielts Writing Part 1

•  2

The bar graph above illustrates the expenditure of spenders in two distinct nations on consumer goods in 2010. The monetary value is in pound sterlings.

Overall, the UK spent more money on consumer goods than France in the period given. The French spent the least money on cameras, while it was perfume in the UK. What is more, the most money of the French and the UK people was spent on cars, whereas the biggest expenditure gap between the two countries was cameras. In terms of cars, people in the UK spent about 450000 , which was 50000 more than the French. Similarly, the British spent approximately 100000 pounds more than people in France.Furthermore, the expenditure on cameras of the UK people was respectively 350000, which was twofold that of France, who only spent around 150000.

On the other hand, the French’s expenditure on the remaining goods was depicted to be higher.The figure for computers spending was slightly higher than that of the UK, with the amount of money spent above 350000 . Perfumes was the lowest figure of the UK, as the money spent was just a little bit less than 150000, while the French also only spent about 200000 on it.

You did not include the essay task instructions. I have this from another user, and it seems to have the same information. So I will assume that the instructions apply to your practice essay.

The bar graph above (not a good choice. Do not use "given", "provided" "above" "below" or other similar words. Just describe the figure, no where it is. ) illustrates (wrong word. Read my advice.) the expenditure of spenders (That is a very unnatural and awkward phrase. No native speaker would write this.) in two (Look at the figure. Look very very carefully. Count the number of countries.) distinct (wrong word. All nations, by definition, are distinct. ) nations on consumer goods (Inadequate. There are different categories of these items. You have to tell the reader, or your essay will not have good coherence and cohesion.) in 2010. The monetary values are given is in pound sterlings. (wrong form.)

Overall, the UK spent more money on consumer goods than France in the period given. (Redundant. You already gave the time reference.) The French spent the least money on cameras, (That is not a category) while it was perfume in the UK. What is more, the most money of the French and the UK people was spent on cars, (awkward) whereas the biggest expenditure gap (wrong phrase, unnatural) between the two countries was cameras. In terms of cars, (That is not a category o n this figure.)people in the UK spent about 450000 , (Do not write specific amounts in the "overall" paragraph. Put it in the "detail" paragraph.) which was 50000 more than the French. Similarly, the British spent approximately 100000 pounds more than people in France. Furthermore, the expenditure on cameras of the UK people (wrong phrase, unnatural) was respectively 350000, which was twofold that of France, who only spent around 150000.

On the other hand, the French’s expenditure on the remaining goods was depicted to be higher.The figure (wrong word. read my advice.) for computers spending (That is not a category on this figure.) was slightly higher than that of the UK, with the amount of money spent above 350000 . Perfumes was the lowest (incorrect reporting.) figure (wrong word) of the UK, as the money spent was just a little bit less than 150000, while the French also only spent about 200000 on it.

You will get a very low score on this essay. You did not mention Germany or Italy. Your facts and numbers did not match those in the bar graph. Your phrases and words are unnatural.