Topic: Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career,
while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views and give
your opinion.

My essay:

It is apparent that after graduating from schools, highschoolers, with no doubt, face the dilemma of whether to pursue higher education or not. While some people opine that attending universities or colleges is key to decent jobs, other strongly embrace that students should involve in the labor force as soon as they leave high schools. Personally, I lean towards the former.

On the one hand, there are sufficient grounds for a host of people to contend that attending higher education is not of essence. To begin with, a number of students might desire to earn money right after school graduation with an aim to share the monetary burden with parents. In fact, students who have poor financial backgrounds could ill afford to enroll in universities due to high rate of school fees. In addition to this, it is undeniable that working as an employee could enrich youngsters' hands-on experiences and also cultivate relevant practical job skills, which facilitate their career path. Specifically, by having an opportunity to try divergent types of job from the young age, people might be able to soon recognize their real passions, thereby boosting working efficiency and climbing the career ladder.

On the other hand, there are also compelling reasons for me to advocate the great significance of tertiary schooling. Firstly academic certificates are required by a vast majority of businesses for white-collar professions. In other words, university's degree might work as a passport for graduates to land lucrative jobs since their knowledge and qualifications are proved via academic performances. Another justification is that university or college offer a superb foundation for students to hone their soft skills. Obviously, by engaging in a wide range of activities and tasks at school the young are able to equip themselves with essential skills such as teamwork or leadership, which are highly appreciated by recent recruiters. Hence, higher-educated candidates can stand out from those who exclusively finished high school education in such a intensively competitive labor market.

By and large, I would reaffirm that young generation had better attend tertiary schooling for a brighter future due to aforementioned justifications.

PLEASE LET ME KNOW MY SCOREBAND IF POSSIBLE.

I AM IN DIRE NEED OF YOUR FEEDBACKS.

THANKS A MILLION !!

Youngsters are kids aged 7-12. They are younger than teenagers. They are attending primary school. They are not working. Besides it is a very casual and informal word. Avoid using it in academic writing.

It is apparent that (Avoid these dummy-it clauses. They add nothing to the essay and do nothing but distract the reader from your statement.) After graduating from schools, highschoolers, (After they graduate, they are no longer in high school.) with no doubt, adolescents face the dilemma of whether to pursue higher education or not. While some people assert opine (That word is too old-fashioned.) that attending universities or colleges is key to decent jobs, other strongly embrace (wrong usage) that students should involve (wrong word) in the labor force as soon as they leave high schools. (repetitive) Personally, I lean towards the former. (Why? give your most important reason.)

On the one hand, there are sufficient grounds for a host of (very unnatural) people to contend that attending higher education is not of essence. (wrong usage) To begin with, a number of students (wrong word. After they graduate, they are not students.) ) might desire to earn money right after school graduation with an aim to help support their siblings and share the monetary burden with parents. In fact, students (wrong word) who have poor financial backgrounds could ill afford to enroll in universities due to high rate of (wrong usage) school fees. In addition to this, it is undeniable that working as an employee (redundant.) could enrich youngsters' (wrong word) hands-on experiences and also cultivate relevant practical job skills, which starts them off on facilitate (wrong word) their career path. Specifically, by having an opportunity to try types of job (wrong form) from the (wrong article ) young age, people might be able to soon recognize their real passions, thereby enabling them to determine which company they want to work for and set their career goals. (That does not make sense) boosting working efficiency and climbing the career ladder.

On the other hand, there are also compelling reasons for me to advocate (Do not put opinions in the body paragraphs. The opinions go in the opening paragraph. The body paragraphs give arguments supporting your opinion.) to recognize the great significance of tertiary schooling. Firstly First, an academic degree from a good university is certificates are required by the a vast majority of businesses for white-collar professions. In other words, university's degree might work it works as a passport for graduates to land lucrative jobs since their knowledge and qualifications are proved via their academic performance. s. Another justification is that studying at a university or college offers a superb foundation for students to hone their soft skills. Obviously, by engaging in a wide range of activities and tasks at school they the young are able to equip themselves with essential skills such as teamwork or leadership, which are highly appreciated by recent recruiters. Hence, higher-educated candidates with higher education can stand out from those who with a exclusively finished high school education in such a intensively competitive labor market.

By and large, I would reaffirm that members of the younger generation had better continue their education after high school attend tertiary schooling for a brighter future due to aforementioned (Never use aforementioned, aforesaid, or mentioned They are antiquated and stiff. ) justifications.


Your essay is too long. Aim for 270-290 words in Task 2.

Ngọc Phan Thị MỹI AM IN DIRE NEED OF YOUR FEEDBACKS.

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Thanks so much for your valid advice, this is my first time posting my essay so I would definitely note such mistakes for not repeating them the next time.