Hello! I'm preparing for my IELTS exam. I chosed this question from Cambridge IELTS 7 (test 2). I'm hoping for some comments. Thank you very much!
The line graph gives the information about the use of four type of meat in the European country from 1979 to 2004.
Overall, there was more fluctuation in chicken, beef and lamp in 25 years. On the beside that, although the consumption of fish decreased slightly, there wasn’t any large change in the period of time.
It can be seen from the graph before 1989, the consumption of beef was the highest, and reached a pick of about 250 grams in 1983. The figures for chicken and lamp were lower, but they have a different trend, the increase for chicken and the decrease for lamb. However, fish had the lowest number with about 50 grams.
In the period between 1989 and 2004, the European country witnessed a significant growth in the consumption of chicken, about 250 grams in 2004. On beside that, there was a powerful decrease in beef and lamp, 100 grams of beef compared to about 60 grams of lamp in 2004. The consumption of fish was the lowest and remain above 50 grams per person per week.
./.
The line graph gives the information about the use (wrong word) of four type (wrong form) of meat in the (wrong word) European country from 1979 to 2004.
Overall, there was more fluctuation (wrong word) in chicken, beef and lamp (wrong word) in 25 years. On the beside that, (wrong phrase) although the consumption of fish decreased slightly, there wasn’t any large change in the period of time. (wrong usage. The period of time did not change at all. "The consumption of fish decreased slightly over the 25-year period, from slightly over 50 grams per person per week in 1979, to slightly under that value in 2004.)
It can be seen from the graph Before 1989 (There is no data shown before 1979.) , the consumption of beef was the highest, and reached a pick (wrong word) of about 250 grams (That is not the units of measure on the Y-axis.) in 1983. (Fragment, not a complete sentence.) The figures for chicken and lamp (wrong word) were lower, but they have a different trend, (wrong form) the increase (wrong form) for chicken and the decrease (wrong form) for lamb. However, fish had the lowest number with about 50 grams.
In the period between 1989 and 2004, the European country witnessed a significant growth in the consumption of chicken, about 250 grams in 2004. On beside that, there was a powerful decrease in beef and lamp, 100 grams of beef compared to about 60 grams of lamp in 2004. The consumption of fish was the lowest and remain above 50 grams per person per week. (Good! That is the correct measurement.)
Fluctuation looks like this:
Fluctuation around a trend line:
Hi AlpheccaStars, thank you for your comment, but I don't understand clearly my mistakes in the 2nd sentence in paragraph 3. So, I rewrite my task and hope you check again. Thank you very much.
The line graph gives information about the expenditure of four types of meat in a European country from 1979 to 2004.
Overall, there was more alteration in chicken, beef and lamb in 25 years. Moreover, the consumption of fish decreased slightly over the 25-year period, from a litter over 50 grams per person per week in 1979, to under that value in 2004.
Before 1989, the consumption of beef was the highest, and reached a peak of about 250 grams per person per week in 1983. The figures for chicken and lamb were lower, but they have different trends, an increase in chicken and a decrease in lamb. However, fish had the lowest consumption with about 50 grams per person per week.
In the period between 1989 and 2004, the European country witnessed a significant growth in the consumption of chicken, about 250 grams per person per week in 2004. Furthermore, there was a decrease in beef and lamb, 100 grams of beef compared to about 60 grams of lamp in 2004. The consumption of fish was the lowest and remained above 50 grams per person per week.
./.
Hi AlpheccaStars, thank you for your comment, but I don't understand clearly my mistakes in the 2nd sentence in paragraph 3. So, I rewrite my task and hope you check again. Thank you very much.
romeotranlk94he line graph gives information about the expenditure of four types of meat
The line graph gives information about the expenditure of four types of meat in a European country from 1979 to 2004.
Expenditure: the action of spending money - buying something = the amount of money spent
Consumption: the action of eating something for food = the amount of food eaten
These two words are not synonyms. e.g. We don't spend grams of beef for example to buy a cell phone...
We do eat grams of beef because beef is food.
Here is a model opening paragraph:
The line graph compares the amounts of beef, chicken, lamb and fish that people in a European country ate on a weekly basis during a specific 25-year period, 1979 to 2004. The units of measure are grams (of meat) per person per week. The values in the graph range from a low of about 50 to a high of 250.
Note:
If you tell the reader in the first paragraph that the units are "grams (of meat) per person per week", then you do not have to repeat this in the body paragraphs. It is very useful to do this in Task 1.
If you give the overall range of values in the data, then the reader will have a good idea of the area of the graph. Use "value" or "values" for one or more data points, and "data" for the aggregate of data points.
romeotranlk94Overall, there was more alteration in chicken, beef and lamb in 25 years.
Overall, there was more alteration in chicken, beef and lamb in 25 years.
Chickens or lambs do not alter. I have never seen a chicken or a lamb do that.
Model sentence:
There was more variation in the amounts of meat (chicken, beef, or lamb) that people ate than in the amount of fish that they ate. People tended to eat the same amount of fish per week, but it decreased slightly over the period, from a little over 50 grams in 1979, to a bit under that value in 2004.
Note:
You have specified the period of time in the opening paragraph. You don't need to repeat it.
In the model sentence, we recognize that "fish" is not classified as a type of "meat."
romeotranlk94The figures for chicken and lamb were lower, but they have different trends, an increase in chicken and a decrease in lamb. However, fish had the lowest consumption with about 50 grams per person per week.
In line graphs, we can talk about trend lines, which is the best fit of a straight line to the data. Avoid using "figure" which is used primarily in describing finance and business results.
Model paragraph (chicken and lamb details):
The values for chicken and lamb consumption started out in 1979 as being nearly the same, (150 grams) but their data had opposite trends; the data for chicken showed an increase and lamb a decrease. The ending values were substantially different: 250 (chicken) and about 60 (lamb). Except for the first two or three years, people ate more chicken than lamb.
Model paragraph (beef):
Like lamb, the trend line for beef consumption was negative (decreasing). Starting at about 220 in 1979, the values peaked and plateaued from 1980 to 1987 at about 230, and then declined to a final value of about 100 at the end of the period. The amount of beef and chicken consumed per week was about the same during the three-year period from 1988 to 1991 at about 200 grams.
Model Summary paragraph - the total meat and fish in the average diet can also be compared as well as their relative proportions:
The total amount of meat and fish eaten per week was 20% lower at the end of the period than at the beginning (570 versus 450 grams), but the proportion of chicken in the diet nearly doubled, from 36% (220/570) in 1979 to over 75% (250/450) in 2004.
This last paragraph shows keen observation - not just reporting the individual curves, but adding them up at the start and the end and making comparisons where significant. In this graph, the rise of the dominance of chicken in the diet is outstanding.
This kind of in-depth reporting will get you a high score.
Model Essay:
The line graph compares the amounts of beef, chicken, lamb and fish that people in a European country ate on a weekly basis during a specific 25-year period, 1979 to 2004. The units of measure are grams (of meat) per person per week. The values in the graph range from a low of about 50 to a high of 250.
There was more variation in the amounts of meat (chicken, beef, or lamb) that people ate than in the amount of fish that they ate. People tended to eat the same amount of fish per week, but it decreased slightly over the period, from a little over 50 grams in 1979, to a bit under that value in 2004.
The values for chicken and lamb consumption started out in 1979 as being nearly the same, (150 grams) but their data had opposite trends; the data for chicken showed an increase and lamb a decrease. The ending values were substantially different: 250 (chicken) and about 60 (lamb). Except for the first two or three years, people ate more chicken than lamb.
Like lamb, the trend line for beef consumption was negative (decreasing). Starting at about 220 in 1979, the values peaked and plateaued from 1980 to 1987 at about 230, and then declined to a final value of about 100 at the end of the period. The amount of beef and chicken consumed per week was about the same during the three-year period from 1988 to 1991 at about 200 grams.
The total amount of meat and fish eaten per week was 20% lower at the end of the period than at the beginning (570 versus 450 grams), but the proportion of chicken in the diet nearly doubled, from 36% (220/570) in 1979 to over 75% (250/450) in 2004.
thank you very much!
I highly appreciate your model essays, AS. Each model can be a complete lesson for learners as these essays are written (purposefully?) in length and are replete with useful vocabulary and structures.
AlpheccaStars but the proportion of chicken in the diet nearly doubled, from 36% (220/570) in 1979 to over 75% (250/450) in 2004.
In the above-cited sentence, I think there is a miscalculation; chicken accounted for one-fourth (140 grams) of the whole diet at the beginning of the period and was responsible for more than half of the diet in 2004, a two-fold increase.
There was a miscalculation. Here is the recalculation.
Total consumption of meat and fish in 1979 was about 570 gm. (Fish - 60, Beef - 220, Chicken - 140 and Lamb -150) Chicken (140) was about a fourth of that total. The total in 2004 was about 460 gm (40+60+110+250) and chicken (250) represented about 55%.
A few years ago, I tended to write longer essays. Experts advise a maximum of 200 words.
Here is a revision.
The line graph compares the amounts of beef, chicken, lamb and fish that people in a European country ate on a weekly basis during the 25-year period, 1979 to 2004. The units of measure are grams per person.
Overall, here was more variation in the amounts of meat (chicken, beef, or lamb) that people ate than in the amount of fish that they ate. People tended to eat about same amount of fish per week. Total consumption decreased, and the proportion of chicken went up.
In detail, the values for chicken and lamb consumption started out in 1979 as being nearly the same, (150 grams) but their data had opposite trends; the data for chicken showed an increase and lamb a decrease. The ending values were substantially different: 250 (chicken) and about 60 (lamb). Except for the first two or three years, people ate more chicken than lamb. Like lamb, the trend line for beef consumption was negative. Starting at about 220 in 1979, the values peaked in 1984 to 1987 at about 230, and then declined to a final value of about 100. The total amount of meat and fish eaten per week was 20% lower at the end of the period than at the beginning (570 versus 450 grams), but the proportion of chicken in the diet more than doubled, from 25% (220/570) in 1979 to 55% (250/450) in 2004.
Right, chicken accounted for around 55% of the diet by the end of the period.
AlpheccaStars25% (220/570)
I think you omitted to change it to 140.
The line graph provides information about the usage of four different types of meat in the European country from 1979 to 2004.
Overall, it is evident that consumption of chicken fluctuated a lot yet significantly increased over the period, while usage of lamb and beef in the European countries significantly decreased. Meanwhile, fish consumed by Europeans declined marginally throughout the given period.
The European country consumed almost 150 grams of chicken per week at the start of the period, which significantly increased reaching a high point of almost 250 grams by 2004. Although, consumption of beef was at the highest, being eaten around 200 grams per week in 1979, which eventually fluctuated and declined to around 100 grams by the end of the period.
In 1979, it is apparent that exactly 150 grams of lambs were eaten in the European countries, yet sharply declining to around 50 grams over the given period. With a similar trend, consumption of fish witnessed a marginal dip form 60 grams in 1979 to 50 grams in 2010.