Please help me assess my essay below! Thank you in advance!
The table displays trends concerning the amounts of fast food consumed in Melbourne. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
You should write at least 150 words.
The given statistics illustrate the amounts in units of five most typical types of fast food, which are hamburgers, fried chicken, salads, fried rice, and noodles, eaten in Melbourne at three different points in time: 2005, present, and a forecast for 2025.
Overall, the rank order of these items is virtually similar for the different time values, with hamburgers and fried chicken always being the most popular types among the others. In addition to this, the consumption of junk food has increased since 2005 and is expected to be higher in the coming years with the figures for salads being considerable.
Breaking down the details, the most favorite fast food items were hamburgers and fried chicken, which stood at 40 and 35 units respectively in 2005. Afterwards while the consumption of fried chicken has slightly increased by 2 units, that of hamburgers has decreased with the same value. However, predictions show that the consumed amounts of hamburgers and fried chicken would grow moderately in 2025 to 51 and 45 units in turn, making them still the most-eaten fast food.
In the contrast, the three other items were less preferred by Melbourne people, with the figures for fried rice and noodles in 2005 being 6 units each, 1 unit higher than the figure for salads. Thereafter, the amount of salad eaten has risen markedly to 15 units in the present and is estimated to shoot up in 2025 to 41 units, making it become a more common fast food choice. Meanwhile, fried rice and noodles are still the least favorite items on the fast food menu, with modest increases to 9 and 8 units respectively, and are predicted to remain at the same level in 2025.
Please read my advice for Task 1 essays
IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice
This page describes the vocabulary words that you use incorrectly: figure,
You wrote over 280 words, while the minimum is 150.
You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons.
First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for these errors.
Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. In Task 1, you are likely writing about everything, rather than following the instructions and picking out only the significant points for a summary. This will cost you points.
Third, you will take a lot of the limited time writing, and not have time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, and that lowers your score.
Fourth, you will not have enough time to devote to Task 2, and get a lower score there. Task 2 counts twice as much for your overall score.
Aim to write 170-190 words for Task 1.
You can use this word counter:
https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/
The given statistics (That is not good. "Given" is very unnatural. Native speakers would not use it. Also "statistics" is not appropriate. The figure is a "Table", so use "table". That is accurate and correct.) illustrate (wrong word, read my advice. "Illustrate" is for photos, maps and diagrams, not charts, graphs and tables.) the amounts in units of five most typical types of fast food, which are hamburgers, fried chicken, salads, fried rice, and noodles, eaten in Melbourne at three different years points in time: 2005, present, and a forecast for 2025.
Overall, the rank order of these items is virtually similar nearly the same / identical for the different time values, with hamburgers and fried chicken always being the most popular types among the others. In addition to this, the consumption of junk food amounts have has increased since 2005 and is expected to be higher in 2025 the coming years with the figures (wrong word) for salads being considerable. (wrong word)
Breaking down the details, In detail, the most favorite fast food items were hamburgers and fried chicken, which stood at were 40 and 35 units respectively in 2005. Afterwards while the consumption of fried chicken has slightly increased by 2 units, that of hamburgers has decreased the same amount. with the same value. However, predictions show that the consumed amounts of hamburgers and fried chicken (8 words are compressed into one word. ) both would grow moderately in 2025 to 51 and 45 units in turn, making them still the most-eaten fast food. (Delete. repetitious. You already noted that the order did not change!)
In the contrast, the three other items were less preferred by Melbourne people, with the figures for (verbose) fried rice and noodles in 2005 were being 6 units each, 1 unit higher than the figure for salads. Thereafter, the amount of salad eaten has risen markedly to 15 units in the present and is estimated to shoot up (wrong expression) in 2025 to be 41 units, nearly even with the top two favorites. making it become a more common fast food choice. Meanwhile, fried rice and noodles are still the least favorite items on the fast food menu, (repetitious) with show modest increases to 9 and 8 units respectively, and are predicted to remain at the same level in 2025.
Sample essay (~190 words)
The table lists the amounts (in units) of five fast food menu items eaten in Melbourne for 2005, now (2015) and a forecast for 2025. The items are hamburger, fried chicken, salad, fried rice and noodles.
Overall, the items' ranking is nearly identical for the different years, with hamburger in first place and fried chicken second. The exception is salad, which shows an increase from fifth to third place. The people eat larger amounts now than in 2005, and this trend is expected to continue.
In detail, in 2005, people ate 92 units of these foods. Hamburger was 40 units or 43%, more than twice as much as salad, fried rice and noodles added together (17 units). Chicken, 35 units, was in second place. From 2005 to now, all amounts, excepting hamburger, went up, totaling 107 units. Notably, salad rose threefold, from 5 to 15 units. In 2025, the total is forecast at 155 units. Fried rice and noodles are expected to remain in last place, 9 units, in contrast to salad, which jumps to 41 units, competing with hamburger (51) and fried chicken, (45).
Thank you very much for helping me revise the essay!
Thank you for your advice!