Please give me feedback on this essay. Thank you very much
The chart shows the proportion of renewable energy in the total energy supply in 4 countries from 1997 to 2010.
The chart provides information about the per
centage of renewable energy in total energy production in Australia, Sweden, Iceland and Turkey between 1997 and 2010.
Overall, Iceland held the top position for using renewable power, Turkey ranked the second. It can also be seen that Iceland and Turkey experienced an upward trend while Australia and Sweden experienced a downward one.
In 1997, almost a half of energy produced in Iceland came from renewable resources. This figure continued to grow steadily to 60% in 2000, then reached 70% in 2010. Meanwhile, there was a light fluctuation when it comes to this aspect of Turkey. The renewable energy rates rose from nearly 40% to about 41%, and declined by approximately 10% in 2010.
Regarding Australia, nearly 10% of the energy supply was renewable in 1997, and this figure decreased gradually to about 7% in 2000 and reached around 5% in 2010. In Sweden, the chart shows a gradual increase from about 6% in 1997 to nearly 10% in 2010.
The chart (What kind of chart is this? Be specific.) provides information about (not good. Information about percentage is puzzling. I have no idea what it means.. ) the percentage of renewable energy in out of total energy production in Australia, Sweden, Iceland and Turkey in the years between 1997, 2000 and 2010.
Overall, Iceland held the top position for using renewable power, Turkey ranked the second. It can also be seen that (Avoid these useless dummy-it clauses. They convey no information.) Iceland and Turkey experienced (poor word choice. Read my advice) showed an upward trend (That is incorrect reporting. The value for Turkey in 2010 was less than it was in 1997. That is not "upward.) while Australia and Sweden (That is incorrect reporting. You have to study the bar chart very carefully. Report accurate information, not bad information.) . experienced a downward one.
In 1997, almost a half of the energy produced in Iceland came from renewable resources. This figure (wrong word.) It continued to grow steadily (How do you know this? There is no information from 1998, and 1999. "Steadily" is for descriptions of line graphs where you can see a continuous increase or decrease.) to 60% in 2000, then reached 70% in 2010. Meanwhile, there was a light fluctuation (Completely wrong word. You cannot see fluctuations on just three time points.) when it comes to this aspect of Turkey. The renewable energy rates (wrong word. There are no rates plotted here.) rose from nearly 40% to about 41%, and declined by approximately 10% in 2010.
Regarding Australia, nearly 10% of the energy supply was renewable in 1997, and it this figure (wrong word.) decreased gradually (wrong word.) to about 7% in 2000 and reached around 5% in 2010. In Sweden, the chart shows there was a gradual (wrong word.) increase from about 6% in 1997 to nearly 10% in 2010.
Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. It describes frequently misused words like figure, rate, and fluctuation. Do not use words that relate to line graphs with continuous data and bar charts with only two or three data points.
If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one.
IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice
Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post
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Thanks for your advice! I've just learned how to write an IELTS task 1 essay and I'm a little bit confused, can you give me a sample? Thank you so much!!!!
It takes a long time, and many practice essays to become proficient at Task 1.
Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. It has lots of vocabulary words (some to use, some to avoid), an outline, names and examples of typical figures and sources of practice essays.
IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice
Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post
Here are the instructions for ALL Task 1 essays:
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Note the words: summarize, main features, comparisons.
Summarize: pick out the most important elements. Do not write about every data point. Write the essay so a person reading it can visualize the information. In the first paragraph, summarize what the information is all about.
Main Features: One paragraph is devoted to main features. It is very important, so it comes after the introduction
Comparisons: In the final paragraph, compare values across categories, time, groupings, or other aspects. I recommend combining similar categories, where relevant.
Introduction: Describe the infographic, the categories, dates, and subject matter with its units of measure. Do not write about any data values. Be specific. Avoid vague phases like "provides information on XXXX".
Paragraph 2: Overall. Pick out 2 or 3 main features. Those that jump off the infographic. Avoid giving specific data points.
Paragraph 3: Detail. Pick out some interesting details. Focus particularly on comparisons. Aim for coherence and cohesion in the comparisons.
Sample essay ~175 words
The bar chart plots the percentage of total energy that was from renewable sources in four countries, Australia, Sweden, Iceland and Turkey. Data is shown for three years, 1997, 2000 and 2010.
Overall, Iceland stands out as being the country that uses a lot of renewable energy; besides, it has consistently grown its use. In contrast, Australia and Sweden use minimal amounts.
In detail, except for 1997, the majority of energy in Iceland has been renewable. It increased its share from 45% in 1997 to 70% in 2010. That is in stark contrast with Australia. Not only was its share always less than 10%, it decreased by nearly half, from 9% to 5%. Sweden was in the same range as Australia, less than one tenth, but unlike that country, it grew its use of green energy from 4% to 9%. Turkey was in second place after Iceland, with the proportion of green energy ranging between 33% and 41%. Unlike the other three countries, there was no trend or pattern, as its largest percentage was in 2000.