Please help me to evaluate the writing for IELTS WRITING TASK 1. Thank you.

The table displays trends concerning the amounts of fast food consumed in Melbourne. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

The table compares the information about the proportion of fast food eaten by people in Melbourne in terms of five food categories, namely hamburgers, fried chicken, chicken, fried rice and noodles between 2005 and 2025.

It is noticeable that the consumption of convenience food had a slight increase in a period of 20 years. Also, the number of hamburgers and chicken consumed were significantly higher than the remaining kinds of food.

Of the five food, hamburger had the highest consumption, at 40 units in 2005 while the proportion of fried chicken eaten in Melbourne was 5 units lower, at 35%. Melbourne people consumed fried rice and noodle at the same amount, about 6 units whereas the equivalent figure for salads was only 5.

Despite having a small decrease at the present, the hamburgers consumed by Melbourne people is expected to increase continuously, reaching its peak at 51 units in 2025. At the moment, about 37 units of fried chicken are being consumed; however, the proportion is thought to experience a small growth to 45 units. The amount of salads consumed, interestingly, rises exponentially and is predicted to reach 41 units in 2025. However, the fried rice and noodles are forecasted to remain nearly unchanged around 9 units in the period shown.

The table compares the information (what information?) about the proportion (wrong word) of fast food eaten by people in Melbourne in terms of five food categories, (wrong word - food categories are things like meat, vegetables, grains, and starches. The items listed are common fast-food menu items. ) namely hamburgers, fried chicken, chicken, (wrong) fried rice and noodles between 2005 and 2025. (not correct - that is used for a continuous line graph. )


Model Paragraph 1:

The table lists the amounts of five different typical fast food menu items eaten in Melbourne at three different points in time: 2005, present and a forecast for 2025. The items are hamburgers, fried chicken, salads, fried rice and noodles.


It is noticeable that Overall, the amounts consumption of convenience food had (You can't use past tense for a time in the future. Use present.) a slight increase (The increase was from 92 units to 155 units. That increase, about 68%, is not "slight." ) in a period of 20 years. Also, the number (wrong word) of hamburgers and chicken consumed were significantly higher than the remaining kinds of food.

Of the five food, (wrong word) hamburger had the highest consumption, at 40 units in 2005 while the proportion (wrong word) of fried chicken eaten in Melbourne was 5 units lower, at 35%. (There are no percentages shown in the table.) Melbourne people consumed fried rice and noodle (wrong form ) in at the same amounts, about 6 units whereas the equivalent figure for a slightly lower amount for salads, was only 5.

Despite having a small decrease at the present, the hamburgers consumed by Melbourne people is expected to increase continuously, (You have no information for the years between now and 2025.) reaching its peak (wrong word - there may or may not be a peak here. ) at 51 units in 2025. At the moment, about 37 units of fried chicken are being consumed; however, the proportion is thought to have experience a small growth to 45 units. The amount of salads consumed, interestingly, rises exponentially (You can only see exponential growth on a line graph.) and is predicted to reach 41 units in 2025. However, the fried rice and noodles are forecasted to remain nearly unchanged around 9 units in the period shown.


Model Paragraph #2:

The rank order of these items is similar for the different time values, with hamburger always being first and fried chicken second. The total number of units increased 68%, from 92 in 2005 to 155 in 2025. The item with the greatest percentage increase is salads, going from 5 in 2005 to 41 in 2025, an eight-fold jump.

Can you explain why "the number of..." and "the proportion of..." are wrong and suggest me other words to replace them please?

Thank you.

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Trang ThanhCan you explain why "the number of..."

You can't count salad, noodles or rice. These are non-count. Is it 100 noodles? 1000 grains of rice?

Trang Thanh"the proportion of..."

Proportion is a percent or fraction of a whole.

For example:

The proportion of total daily calories from sources of fat should be restricted to less than one-fourth.

The "units" in the table are not defined. Maybe it is calories, maybe it is weight, maybe the number of menu item orders. You can't use proportion or percent for these "units" because you do not know what the "whole" is.

Where is the original sample answer, i thought this guy made good job but later i have been surprised by your feedback and interested in your evaluating style