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Please help me to check this IELTS writing task 1 essay!

The given bar chart compares the cost of average house in five different cities, named as New York, Madrid, Tok
yo, Frankfurt, and London over a period of 13 years, starting in 1989.

Generally, a decrease can be seen in the average house prices in most of cities between 1990 and 1995, but between 1996 and 2002, most of cities saw rising prices, especially a sharply increase in the change of average house prices in London.

In the first five years of the period, to compare with the house cost in 1989, Madrid house prices and Frankfurt house prices inceased 1% and 1,5% respectively, but all the three other cities house prices experienced a fall down by 5% in New York and 7% in Tokyo and London.

Between 1996 and 2002, prices jumped around 12% above the 1989 average in London. Homebuyers in New York also had to pay significantly more, with prices rising by 5% compared to the 1989 average house prices, but Tokyo house prices remained more cheaper than they were in 1989. The house cost in Madrid increase almost 2%, reached 4% higher than the figure in 1989, as a light decline can easily be seen in the cost of house in Frankfurt compared to those in the first five years of the period, but also higher than the 1989 average house prices

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The given bar chart compares the cost of the average house in five different cities, named as New York, Madrid, Tokyo, Frankfurt, and London over a period of 13 years, starting in 1989. (That is incorrect. You did not accurately tell the reader what is on the chart. I think you did not understand this chart. )

Generally, a decrease can be seen in the average house prices in most of cities between 1990 and 1995, (Incorrect. The chart does not show the change in house prices from 1990 to 1995.) but between 1996 and 2002, most of cities saw (Cities cannot see anything. They do not see!) rising prices, especially a sharply (wrong form) increase in the change of average house prices in London. (Incorrect. The chart does not show the change in house prices from 1996 to 2002. )

In the first five years of the period, (There are no periods on the chart. There are ranges over which an average price is calculated.) ) to compare with the house cost in 1989, Madrid house prices and Frankfurt house prices inceased 1% and 1,5% respectively, but all the three other cities house prices experienced (Only people and animals have experiences.) a fall down by 5% in New York and 7% in Tokyo and London.

Between 1996 and 2002, prices jumped around 12% above the 1989 average in London. Homebuyers in New York also had to pay significantly more, with prices rising by 5% compared to the 1989 average house prices, but Tokyo house prices remained more cheaper (wrong comparative form) than they were in 1989. The average house cost in Madrid increase (wrong tense) almost 2%, reached 4% higher than the figure in 1989, as a light (wrong word - slight) decline can easily be seen in the cost of house in Frankfurt compared to those in the first five years of the period, but also higher than the 1989 average house prices


Model :

The bar chart compares changes in average house prices in five different cities which happen to be in five different countries: New York, Madrid, Tokyo, Frankfurt and London. Prices are averaged over two time periods, 1990-1995 and 1996-2002 and those averages are compared to the baseline, which is the average price of a house in 1989.

Overall, the average house price had dropped in three of the five cities for the first period. The greatest increase and price swing was for London; even though it had 7% lower prices in 1990-1995, it had 12% higher prices in the later period. Only one city, Frankfurt, had lower average prices in 1996-2002 than in 1990-1995, but the difference was slight.

For the period 1990-1995, prices were higher than in 1989 in both Frankfurt and Madrid, but the increase was 2% or less. London and Tokyo showed similar declines, about 7%. New York had an average that was 5% lower. In the later period, 1996-2002, average prices in all cities except Tokyo had recovered to be over their 1989 level. New York had a swing of 10%, from 5% below its baseline to 5% above. That swing was of less magnitude than London, at 19%.

Comments  

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 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.

Thanks a lot for your comment. But does it not need to be divided into 2 bodies? I have learnt that the body of IELTS writing task 1 essay must be splitted into 2 parts

Hàn NguyệtI have learnt that the body of IELTS writing task 1 essay must be splitted into 2 parts

split


There is no rigid format for Task 1 essays, except that it must be more than one paragraph and more than 150 words.


My guidelines are three paragraphs, and 160-180 words, but this can vary depending on the kind of figure you are writing about. For example:

For charts and graphs:

Paragraph 1: Introduction: Describe the figure, but not the information content (data)
Paragraph 2: Write two or three main observations. Begin: "Overall, ..."
Paragraph 3: Write about some interesting details.

For "before" and "after" pictures:

Paragraph 1: Introduction: Describe the situation presented.
Paragraph 2: Write about the "before" state picture.
Paragraph 3: Write about the "after" state, contrasting it with "before".

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