Hello everyone, I'm new here and I would like to ask your help with my writing task 1. Of course, I took a writing course, but I want to see if there is anything different between English native teachers and foreign teachers. I really appreciate if you can tell me which one I did wrong in my article. Thanks in advance.

The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Age group

Female

Male

0-9 (the youngest age group / children under 9 9 years old)

51.3

50.3

10-17 (children between 10 and 17 years old)

42.2

24.6

18-39 (the middle age group / young adults aged 18-39)

17.1

9.7

40-59 (the second oldest age group)

12.3

8.0

60+ (the oldest age group)

18.5

13.2

Version 1

The table compares the proportion of men and women of various age groups, who were interested in riding bicycles in a particular town in 2011.

Overall, it is clear that men and women liked to ride bicycles when they were under 17 years old and everything has changed when people aged. However, the number of female riders were always higher than men in the five age groups.

The percentage of female riders took the lead of the youngest age group and the children group (between 10-17 years old) at 51.3% and 42.2%, making it higher than that of their males counterparts at 50.3% and 24.6% in the same groups.

It is noticeable that the figures for women in 18-39 and 40-59 age groups downed to 17.1% and 12.3%, but they were still nearly double the figure for men in those groups, at 9.7% and 8.0%. In terms of the oldest age group, the percentage of females using bicycles increased significantly at 18.5%, slightly more than the proportion for males, at 13.2%.

Version 2
The table gives in the information about the percentage of bicycle riders by gender and five age groups in a specific town in 2011.

On the whole, bicycles were by far the most popular for females and males when they were under 9 years old, with the figure for females being higher than that of their males counterparts in all age brackets. When people aged, they were less likely to use bicycles than before. Generally, females used bicycles more than men in their life.

According to the data, male riders in the youngest group accounted for 50.3%, which was not quite as popular as female riders in the same group, at 51.3%. Regarding the children group (between 10-17 years old) showed the largest gap of both genders among the given age groups, with the figure for females was nearly double that for male at 24.6%.

It is noticeable that the proportion of women riding bicycles in the middle age group and the oldest age group were nearly twice as popular as the percentage of men in those groups, at 9.7% and 8.0% respectively. Nearly one fifth of females still rode bicycles when they got over 60+, as opposed to 13.2% of their male counterparts at the same age.

mtrhuynhI really appreciate if you can tell me which one I did wrong in my article.

I do not understand this question. What do you mean by "one"? Which article is yours?

mtrhuynhVersion 1
mtrhuynhThe table compares the proportion of men and women of various age groups, who were interested in riding bicycles in a particular town in 2011.

Just because they were interested in riding bicycles, does not mean that they actually did. Or if they did, it does not mean that they were interested in doing it. This is an inaccurate statement.

mtrhuynhVersion 2 The table gives in the information about the percentage of bicycle riders by gender and five age groups in a specific town in 2011.

That is ungrammatical.

mtrhuynhVersion 1
Overall, it is clear that men and women liked to ride bicycles when they were under 17 years old and everything has changed when people aged. However, the number of female riders were always higher than men in the five age groups.

The table says nothing about likes or dislikes. It is inaccurate.

mtrhuynhVersion 2
On the whole, bicycles were by far the most popular for females and males when they were under 9 years old, with the figure for females being higher than that of their males counterparts in all age brackets. When people aged, they were less likely to use bicycles than before. Generally, females used bicycles more than men in their life.

Again, it is not about popularity. Maybe the kids rode because it was the only way they had to go to school. Maybe the older people rode to go shopping or for exercise. There is nothing in the table that shows reasons or likes and dislikes.

This is inaccurate. It does not focus only on the information given, but adds opinions or draws conclusions.


In my opinion, neither of these are high-scoring essays.

When I give advice for Task 1 essays, I focus on using scientific or mathematical vocabulary consistent with a university level. I do not make assumptions, inferences or draw conclusions. I only describe the data as presented in the figure or table. This is according to some of the instructions ("write for a university lecturer.") My background is science and engineering.

Other teachers may have a liberal arts background and take some leeway when they write a Task 1 essay.

Hello AlpheccaStars., thank you so much for helping me. I really appreciate your suggestion that's why I post my writing here to get feedback from a Native Speaker. Can you tell me where I can get a write for "a university lecturer" course like you mentioned?

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.

Here is title of this chart:

"The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant."

According to this title, I have to make a comparisons by selecting and reporting the main features, therefore I think it's okay when I used "figure" in this writing task.

mtrhuynhVersion 2 The table gives in the information about the percentage of bicycle riders by gender and five age groups in a specific town in 2011.

That is ungrammatical.

=> Can you tell me more clearly about what were wrong in this sentence? I wrote it because this chart describes a comparison of bicycle riders by age and gender.

mtrhuynhtherefore I think it's okay when I used "figure" in this writing task.

Think what you like.

Please read my advice on vocabulary for Task 1. "Figure" is regularly misused in these essays.

"Figure" is used to refer to data values only in particular contexts, specifically, business performance reporting, and mostly plural.

"Sales figures for quarter 1 were lower than comparative figures for the previous year." 

You can use it here, and a reader will understand what you mean, but it is not very suitable for the context.


Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Pot


mtrhuynhThe table gives in the information about the percentage of bicycle riders by gender and five age groups in a specific town in 2011.

The table lists gives in the information about the percentage of bicycle riders by gender in each of and five age groups in a specific town in 2011. The age groups are young children (0-9), older children (10-17), young adults (18-39), middle-age adults (39-59) and older adults (60 and over.)

Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
mtrhuynhCan you tell me where I can get a write for "a university lecturer" course like you mentioned?

There is one in Coursera.

https://www.coursera.org/learn/stem

This site lists quite a few free English courses.

https://www.servicescape.com/blog/17-free-online-academic-english-writing-courses

Thank you so much for your information.