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Hi Everyone. I'm new here and I would love to see you. Please help me with this essay for IELTS.

Writing Task 1: Cambridge 10 Test 3


Essay
The graphs illustrate the number of British graduate and postgraduate students participating in a variety of work, excluding full-time one in 2008. Overall, the percentage of students engaging to voluntary work, undertaking further study and even being unemployed are similar for both graduate and postgraduate students, whereas this number for students getting part-time jobs is remarkably diverse.
For UK graduates, further study after leaving college is the most destination of 29,665 students, nearly doubled the number of the unemployed at 16,235 students. With a similar amount to the unemployment, 17,735 students considered part-time jobs. Meanwhile, only 3,500 graduate students took part in voluntary work, contributing to the lowest selection.
In contrast, most postgraduates decided to undertake further study, reached to 2,725 students in 2008. For these students, part-time work is regarded as the second choice when 2,535 of them choosing it, much more higher than this figure of unemployment at 1,625. However, the lowest options for postgraduates went without change for voluntary work at 345 students that year.

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The graphs (The figures you attached are not graphs. Please use the correct vocabulary words. Read the pages that I posted for the correct terms. And also tell the reader how many there are if there is more than one..) illustrate (Wrong word. "Illustrate" means "make a picture". The word "illustration" is related. Use "illustrate" for process flows, diagrams, sketches, photographs, maps and other figures that are like pictures. Do not use it for mathematical plots or tables. Use list, give, compare, plot, or show for these types of figures.) the number of British graduate and postgraduate students (After they graduate, they are not students any more. Do not refer to them as students. That is not accurate.) participating in a variety of work, (That is not good. We do not participate in work. We take a job. Also "unemployed" is not any variety of work! ) excluding full-time one (wrong usage of pronoun) in 2008.


Example opening:

The two bar charts, one for UK graduates and the other for UK postgraduates, compare how these people were occupied after they finished their degrees in 2008, unless they accepted a full-time job. Specifically, the charts give the number of people in each of four categories: part-time work, voluntary work, unemployment, and continuing their education.


(Start a new paragraph when you finish describing the figures and start writing about the data content.)

Overall, the percentage (That is not the units of measure. Please explain if you use a different unit of measure than what is given. If you compute percentages, please tell the reader a little about your computation, at least give the resulting values. See my comments below.) of students (They have finished school, so they are not really students anymore.) engaging to in voluntary work, undertaking further study and even being unemployed are similar for both graduate and postgraduate students, (I do not understand. The numbers are different by a factor of ten.) whereas this number (Do you mean percentage?) for students getting part-time jobs is very remarkably different. diverse.
For UK graduates, further study after leaving college is the most frequent destination of 29,665 students, nearly doubled the number of the unemployed at 16,235 students. With a similar amount to the unemployment, 17,735 students took considered part-time jobs. Meanwhile, only 3,500 graduates students took part in voluntary work, contributing to the lowest of the four options. selection.
In contrast, most (Most mean much more than 50%. That is not a good description, since it was less than 40%) postgraduates decided to undertake further study, reached to 2,725 students in 2008. For these students, part-time work is regarded as was the second most frequent the second choice when 2,535 of them choosing it, much more higher than the number of this figure of unemployed, ment at 1,625. However, the lowest options for postgraduates went without change for voluntary work at 345 students that year.


Note on percentages:

If you compute percentages, it will take some time, but may be worthwhile because of the opportunity for comparisons. Here are the computations:

Graduates:

25% part-time, 5% voluntary, 44% further study and 24% unemployed

Postgraduates:

35% part-time, 4% voluntary, 37% further study and 22% unemployed.

So you can write about the percentages like this:

Even though the total number of graduates (67135) was more than nine times the postgraduates (7230), the pattern of what they did after graduation was quite similar. For example, about 5% did voluntary work and about 23% were unemployed in both groups. The differences were in part-time work and further study. A quarter of the graduates accepted part-time work compared to a little more than a third of postgraduates. And almost half (44%) of the graduates went on to continue their education compared to 37% of the postgraduates.

Comments  
The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.


Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

Thank you.


Please read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post


Doan BùiThe charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

You need the word university there. That's because unlike in the USA, the word college is not a synonym for universities in general, in the UK. When used generally in British English it means educational institutions that offer secondary and vocational education, like sixth forms. See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/College#United_Kingdom

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.

Thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it. 😍😍

You can see the same data as a pie chart.
Which one is better, (Bar chart or Pie Chart) in your opinion, and why?

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?