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The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.



MY REPORT

The charts give information about the how weight the people do in different ages in Charlestown between 1955 and 2015.


In the year 1995, the rate of the ideal people accounted for the biggest part for many ages and the rate of the underweight people was in the second place just after the ideal people. But in 2015, after 20 years, the portion of the ideal residence plummeted in the age of 60-69 and the portion of the obese residence increased dramatically as the age increased


As we can see from the charts, the portion of the ideal people didn't change too much between two different years except for the age of 60-69. This portion decreased significantly in 2015 (approximately 5%) compared to the year 1995 (approximately 45%). About the underweight people, in the year 1995, there were pretty much people that didn't weigh enough about 70% for the age of 20-29, 60% for the age of 30-59 and about 45% for the age of 60-69. However, in 2015 those rates almost went away except for about 20% and 10% in the age of 20-29 and 60-69, respectively.


Next, we can realize that the portions of the obese people were very low for every ages (the highest portion was just about 10% in the age of 50-59. In opposite, the obese people in 2015 increased rapidly when the people get older. Lastly, about the overweight people, the difference after 20 years was not too much. Just the age of 60-69 increased from about 10% to about 25%.

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The (What kind of chart?) charts give information about the how weight the people do (ungrammatical) in different ages (wrong phrase) in Charlestown between (Incorrect word. There is no information for 1956, 1957, 1958, ...) 1955 and 2015.


Suggestion:

The two bar charts show the percentages of people living in Charleston in four different weight categories: ideal, underweight, overweight and obese. This is further divided into five age groups, ranging from 20-29 to 60-69.  The first bar chart shows this weight distribution by age in 1955, and the second shows the data sixty years later, in 2015.


In the year 1995, the rate (wrong word. There are no rates on the graph.) of the ideal people (An ideal person is someone who is a model citizen.) accounted for the biggest part for many ages and the rate of the underweight people was in the second place just after the ideal people. But in 2015, after 20 years, the portion of the ideal residence (An ideal residence is the best house you can imagine.) plummeted (inappropriate word for task 1) in the age of 60-69 and the portion of the obese residence (wrong word.) increased dramatically as the age increased (missing punctuation)


As we can see from the charts, the portion (not a good word. Use proportion or percentage) of the ideal people didn't change too much between the two different years except for people in the age group 60-69. This portion decreased significantly in 2015 (approximately 5%) compared to the year 1995 (approximately 45%). About the underweight people, in the year 1995, there were pretty much people (wrong phrasing) that didn't weigh enough about 70% for the age of 20-29, 60% for the age of 30-59 and about 45% for the age of 60-69. However, in 2015 those rates almost went away except for about 20% and 10% in the age of 20-29 and 60-69, respectively.


Next, we can realize that the portions of the obese people were very low for every ages (the highest portion was just about 10% in the age of 50-59. In opposite, the obese people in 2015 increased rapidly when the people get older. Lastly, about the overweight people, the difference after 20 years was not too much. Just the age of 60-69 increased (The age did not increase. Something else increased.) from about 10% to about 25%.

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Comments  

The charts summarise the weight measurements of people living in Charlestown in 1955 and 2015.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.



MY REPORT

The charts give information about the how weight the people do in different ages in Charlestown between 1955 and 2015.


In the year 1995, the rate of the ideal people accounted for the biggest part for many ages and the rate of the underweight people was in the second place just after the ideal people. But in 2015, after 20 years, the portion of the ideal residence plummeted in the age of 60-69 and the portion of the obese residence increased dramatically as the age increased


As we can see from the charts, the portion of the ideal people didn't change too much between two different years except for the age of 60-69. This portion decreased significantly in 2015 (approximately 5%) compared to the year 1995 (approximately 45%). About the underweight people, in the year 1995, there were pretty much people that didn't weigh enough about 70% for the age of 20-29, 60% for the age of 30-59 and about 45% for the age of 60-69. However, in 2015 those rates almost went away except for about 20% and 10% in the age of 20-29 and 60-69, respectively.


Next, we can realize that the portions of the obese people were very low for every ages (the highest portion was just about 10% in the age of 50-59. In opposite, the obese people in 2015 increased rapidly when the people get older. Lastly, about the overweight people, the difference after 20 years was not too much. Just the age of 60-69 increased from about 10% to about 25%.

Please help me check my essay . Thank you

 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.
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