Ielts Writing Task 1 - Pie Chart

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Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. You make a lot of vocabulary errors. These posts show you proper vocabulary for Task 1.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

The pie charts (How many?) illustrate (wrong word. Read my advice) the proportion of money (poor English) that households in the UK and New Zealand spent on different categories (What are the categories? How many? You need to introduce the categories to improve coherence and cohesion.) from 1980 to 2008. (Incorrect. It is not a continuous time period. There are only two points in time.)

Overall, families in both countries spent the smallest proportion of money on transport in both years. Also, a large percentage of spending was on utility bills and food and drink.

In both countries, utility bills accounted for similar proportions of spending in both years, at around 28%. As for food and drink, the patterns were different. While households in New Zealand spent 7% more on this category than in the UK, the gap increased to 12% in 2008 with families in New Zealand spending nearly twice as much money.

Regarding transport, the proportions of household spending in New Zealand were 2% higher than those in the UK in both 1980 and 2008. By contrast, people in the UK spent more on entertainment than those in New Zealand in both years. Specifically, in 1980 the figure (wrong word. Read my advice) for households in the UK was 27% compared to 18% in New Zealand. In 2008, UK household spending on this category was two times higher than that of their counterpart, at 34% and 17% respectively.

There is not much coherence and cohesion in your essay.

You did not effectively group the categories.

There is a lot of repetition.

If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one.

Thank you very much for your comments! However, I have some concerns about them.

1. Your comments on me using "illustrate" and "figure for" are quite confusing to me because these words/phrases are recommended by Simon, an ex-IELTS examiner. Please see the links below for reference and enlighten me.

- https://www.ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2014/07/ielts-writing-task-1-shows-compares-illustrates.html

- https://www.ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2011/12/ielts-grammar-number-amount-proportion-figure.html

2. Can you explain why "proportion of money" is poor English? cause I don't really get it.

3. About "from 1980 to 2008", I used this expression because I saw "between 1980 and 2008" in the task's rubric. So is the problem with the rubric or is there a difference between "from 1980 to 2008" and "between 1980 and 2008"?

4. "There is not much coherence and cohesion in your essay." I understand the part about coherence but don't know why there is not much coherence in my essay because I used a lot of connective devices to link ideas. Can you explain in detail?

5. "If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one" -> Yes, please! I would really appreciate it!

Thank you!

papaya navy 266illustrate

Illustrate is good for some types of figures (infographics), like drawings, sketches, flow charts, maps and diagrams.

I am a scientist. I recommend verbs used in scientific and math contexts. Task 1 is suppsed to be for a math or science professor.

Other teachers have no science or math background.

Read the advice posts for Task 1 essays.

Use "illustrate" when you are asking the reader to create a picture in their minds. Here are examples of using the verb "illustrate." However, they are not really appropriate for Task 1 because I am making an inference or drawing a conclusion rather than reporting the information.

These pie charts illustrate the increasing predilection of the British for self-indulgence in leisure as compared to the more pragmatic New Zealanders.

These pie charts illustrate the point that the British have more discretionary income than New Zealanders. In addition, they have more in 2008 than they did in 1980.

Sample essay: (~195 words)

The two pairs of pie charts, one for the UK and one for New Zealand, break down the average household spending into five categories: Leisure, Transport, Utilities, Food and miscellaneous (other). Data is given for two years, 1980 and 2008.

Overall, in 1980, food plus utilities took up a significant part of the budget. In the UK, it was nearly half, and in New Zealand, well over half. In 2008, these two categories remained high in New Zealand, but not in the UK, due to the rise in leisure spending.

In detail, British people allocated much more of their income to leisure activities than New Zealanders, and the difference grew substantially. In 2008, it was 34% versus 17% compared 27% versus 18% in 1980. The most significant change was the 10% drop for food (23% to 13%) in the UK. New Zealand had no category with such a large change, the largest being a 4% decrease in food offset by an equal rise in utilities. Transportation persisted within a narrow range of 14% and 17%, as did the miscellaneous category, which was 9% in 1980 and 11% in 2008 for both nations.

Thank you for your effort! How about these other questions?