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Hi everybody, I am going to take the IELTS test in February and I want to improve my writing skills. This is my writing for IELTS Writing task 2. May you please review it and give me some comments. By the way, can you mark my writing in 4 criteria of IELTS Writing? Thank you so much!


Topic: Some people say that sports play an important role in society. Others, however, think that it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.



It is true that some skeptics would advocate that the importance of activities relating to sports in society is undeniable. Nevertheless, there are others who argue that playing sports is just a free time activity. In this essay, I will outline my idea to support the former idea.


To begin with, some people think that playing sports is just one of many activities which can be done in their past time in order to remain healthy. In fact, playing sports frequently may help individuals to keep a well-proportioned body and prevent from suffering dangerous diseases such as cancer and heart attack. For example, by spending at least half an hour every day on jogging, I can enhance my stamina as well as my flexibility, which results in the more effective daily work and study.


Apart from a regular activity, I strongly believe that the influence of sports in society is considerable. Firstly, there is a significant increase in the number of organizations whose works associate with sports. In details, these organizations have the authority and responsibility to manage many professional sports tournaments and competitions which attract numerous people around the world to watch and enjoy. As a result, sports can play a role as the means of entertainment in society which can bring happiness and relaxation for spectators. Secondly, since sports are becoming prevalent in the community, they also have many financial advantages. For example, in football, not only do football players can receive huge salaries and bonuses for their good performance but their managers may also take benefit of money generating by using their well-known players for advertising.


In conclusion, although some people believe that sports are merely a leisure activity, I suppose that sports are vital in society due to their advantages to people in terms of entertainment and finance.

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It is true that (These "it-clauses" add nothing to your essay. Would you write something that is false? These are grammatical, but poor style.) Some skeptics would advocate that the importance of activities relating to sports in society is undeniable. Nevertheless, there are others who argue that playing sports is just a free time activity. In this essay, I will outline my idea to support the former idea.

(This is not a proper thesis statement for an academic essay. Never mention your essay or writing. Just write one sentence that is the main point you will argue or defend. eg. I side with the first opinion; sports both enhances our lives and brings us together as a society.)

To begin with, some people think that playing sports is just one of many activities which can be done in their past time (wrong words, wrong usage - leisure time.) in order to remain healthy. In fact, playing sports frequently may help individuals to keep a well-proportioned body and prevent them from suffering dangerous diseases such as cancer and heart attack. For example, by spending at least half an hour every day on jogging, I can enhance my stamina as well as my flexibility, which results in the more effective daily work and study.

Apart from a regular activity, I strongly believe that the influence of sports in society is considerable. Firstly, First, there is a significant increase in the number of organizations whose works associate (wrong word, wrong usage ... organizations which are associated with sports.) with sports. In details, (wrong form) these organizations have the authority and responsibility to manage many professional sports tournaments and competitions which attract numerous people around the world to watch and enjoy. As a result, sports can play a role as a the means of entertainment in society which can bring happiness and relaxation for spectators. Secondly, Second, since sports are becoming prevalent in the community, they also have many financial advantages. For example, in football, not only do football players can (wrong verb form) receive huge (too informal for an academic essay. - large, exorbitant) salaries and bonuses for their good performance but their managers may also take benefit of money generating (wrong verb form) by using their well-known players for advertising.

In conclusion, although some people believe that sports are merely a leisure activity, I suppose claim / assert that sports are vital in society due to their advantages to people in terms of entertainment and finance.