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This is my completed academic writing task 2. Please point out my mistakes and give me a band score for each criterion if possible. Thanks in advance!

Topic:

Global warming is one of the most serious issues that the world is facing today.

What are the causes of global warming and what measures can governments and individuals take to tackle the issue?

Regarding environmental issues, global warming is one of the most debatable challenges that the world is encountering up to present. There are several causes for that issue while some measures can be taken to address the situation.

When it comes to this problem, deforestation is considered one of the major contributors which has exacerbated the situation. Since trees absorb the carbon dioxide from the air, a huge number of trees logged results in a large amount of carbon dioxide remaining in the atmosphere. To illustrate, the recorded carbon dioxide is constantly escalating when four million trees are cut down each year. Deforestation accounts for about 15 percent of global carbon emissions, more than the sum total of cars and trucks in the world. One of measures that could be implemented to tackle this issue is the government should impose stricter punishment for illegal logging and forest clearance. Apart from the officials, individuals should actively take part in afforestation community activities, which greatly contributes to the earth’s green atmosphere.

Another cause is that air conditioners are increasingly exploited for cooling demand worldwide. In more detail, the more powerful planet-warming gases from the machines are discharged outside, the more global temperatures are rising. Especially, there is an upward trend in selecting air conditioners for making spaces cooler in some areas such as the United States, the Middle East and Asia. To mitigate this issue, the governments should promulgate education about the negative environmental impacts of air conditioners for people, particularly for each family. Inhabitants would tend to limit their usage if they were knowledgeable about the great damage to their own environment. As individuals, it would be better if residents planted more trees in the garden to create shadows and used alternative appliances such as evaporative coolers.

In conclusion, deforestation and air conditioner overuse are two culprits behind global warming. If the solutions mentioned above are worked out effectively, the severe threat can be alleviated and the earth can be saved.

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AnneDoRegarding environmental issues, global warming is one of the most debatable challenges that the world is encountering up to present. There are several causes for that issue while some measures can be taken to address the situation.

The task did not ask for a debate. It asks for reasons and solutions.

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Your essay is about 330 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write around 270 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter: https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/

Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies
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Regarding environmental issues, global warming is one of the most debatable (Not a good word here.) formidable challenges that the world is encountering up to present. (The situation has not changed. "Up to present" means that it is in the past.) There are several causes for this that issue (Wrong collocation. Be more specific in the opening paragraph.) , deforestation being the most important, while some measures, particularly less use of air conditioners, can be taken to address the situation.

When it comes to this problem, deforestation is considered one of the major contributors which has exacerbated the situation. Since trees absorb the carbon dioxide from the air, a huge large number of trees being logged results in a large amount of carbon dioxide remaining in the atmosphere. To illustrate this, the recorded percentage of carbon dioxide as measured by monitoring stations is constantly increasing / going up escalating when four million trees are cut down each year. The logging trucks and chain saws used for deforestation account for about 15 percent of global carbon emissions, more than the sum total of all the cars and trucks in the world. (Where did you find this information? I think it is not true.)

This is not in the topic of the paragraph. One body paragraph should be the causes. The second body paragraph should be the solutions.

One of measures that could be implemented to tackle this issue is the government should impose stricter punishment for illegal logging and forest clearance. Apart from the officials, individuals should actively take part in afforestation community activities, which greatly contributes to the earth’s green atmosphere.

Another cause is that air conditioners are increasingly being used exploited for cooling demand worldwide. In more detail, (Poor choice of transition. You are not giving more detail on the use of air conditioners - such as "There are 25% more units installed now than there were ten years ago.) The result is that the more powerful planet-warming gases (I do not understand this point. Air conditioners use electricity, which requires fossil fuels. But they do not emit gasses themselves.) from the machines are being discharged outside, the more global temperatures are rising. Especially, there is an upward trend in selecting air conditioners for making spaces cooler in some areas such as the United States, the Middle East and Asia.


To mitigate the seriousness of these sources, this issue, (Wrong collocation. ) the governments should promulgate education (wrong collocation) educate their populations about the negative environmental impacts of air conditioners for people, particularly for each family. Inhabitants would tend to limit their usage if they were knowledgeable about the great damage to their own environment. Government should impose stricter punishment for illegal logging and forest clearance. As individuals, it would be better if residents planted more trees in the garden to absorb CO2 and create shade, thus lowering the temperature inside the house. shadows and They can purchase used alternative appliances such as evaporative coolers.

In conclusion, deforestation and air conditioner overuse are two culprits behind global warming. If the proposed solutions mentioned above (Do not use "mentioned" or "aforementioned". They are not natural choices for such short essays.) are worked out effectively, the severe threat can be alleviated and the earth can be saved.

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