Below is my writing, I hope you can correct my mistakes and point it out for me as much as you can. I appreciate your help. Thanks in advance.

Topic: Some people think that getting a degree from university is the best way to guarantee a good job, others believe that it would be better to go straight into work and get experience instead. Discuss both views and give your opinion.


Preparing essential job skills continue to be a controversial topic to students. Most people enter university to get a degree first, while others believe that going straight into work and gain experience is the better. Personally, I can understand the opposing points of views, which I will discuss them now.

On the one hand, the increase of high technical job requires people need to have a fundamental knowledge of its area before going to handle practical issues. Enrolling a university is the best way to get that specialized background. For example, in order to create a robot to manufacture in industry, we need to build from mechanical pieces, through programming algorithm to control, to deploy it in large amount of connected machines industry. That job requires high levels of accuracy and calculation using in-depth knowledge we can’t go straight into work. In addition, having a degree accredited by prestigious university proves they are qualified for eligible criterion related to the job, thus, it rises the employability of the candidate. Therefore, going to university is absolutely vital for pursing a successful career in the specialized field.

On the other hand, there are some jobs we can go straight into work. It is often argued that it will save you time going to school to learn useless theories or redundant knowledge could be gained through working. But personally, I think it will be challenging to advance their career in a higher level, for instance, working in the field of marketing, at the small scale we just dive into advertising the product and see how it works, then obtain and analyze data to adjust the strategy more suitably, but with larger scale, we can’t evaluate precisely a big amount of data collected from marketing. Getting data analysis skills form studying at college will give that advantage to boost their career substantially.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that going to university is more favourable than going straight into work. Building fundamental skills at university then applying in practice make easier to get a good job.

Preparing essential job skills continue (wrong form) to be a controversial topic (The instructions did not say this was controversial. It is just that there are two choices. Whether to have vanilla or chocolate ice cream is a choice. It is not controversial.) to students. Most people enter university to get a degree first, while others believe that going straight into work and gain (wrong form) experience is the better. Personally, I can understand the opposing points of views, which I will discuss them now.

(Never mention your essay or your writing in an academic essay. The instructions asked for your opinion. You must give your opinion as your thesis statement.)

On the one hand, the increase in the numbers of highly technical jobs requires people need to have a fundamental knowledge of its area before going to handle practical issues. (??) Enrolling (missing word) a university is the best way to get that specialized background. For example, in order to create a robot to manufacture in industry, that operates in a manufacturing plant, we need to build from mechanical pieces, through programming algorithm to control, to deploy it in large amount of connected machines industry. (unnatural, awkward English) That job requires high levels of accuracy and calculation using in-depth knowledge we can’t go straight into work. In addition, having a degree awarded / given accredited by prestigious university proves they are qualified for eligible criterion related to the job, thus, it rises (wrong word - raises) the employability of the candidate. Therefore, going to university is absolutely vital for pursing (wrong spelling) a successful career in a the specialized field.

On the other hand, there are some jobs we can go straight into work. It is often argued that it will save you time if you start working immediately rather than going to school to learn useless theories or redundant knowledge could be gained through working. But personally, I think it will be challenging for someone to advance their career to in a higher level, (comma splice error) for instance, working in the field of marketing, at the small scale we just dive into advertising the product and see how it works, then obtain and analyze data to adjust the strategy more suitably, but with larger scale, we can’t evaluate precisely a large big amount of data collected from marketing. Getting data analysis skills form studying at college will give people that advantage to boost their career substantially.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that going to university is more favourable than going straight into work. Building fundamental skills at university then applying them in practice makes it easier to get a good job.