Hi everyone, thanks for your feedback on my previous essays. This is my new essay.

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees works from home instead of travelling to a workplace every day.
Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages?

The number of people who work from home around the world is on the rise. It is true that some are supporting the idea of working from home instead of coming to the office day by day. In my opinion, this has more benefits than drawbacks.

On the one hand, remote work will have some disadvantages. The main disadvantage is that the interaction with other colleagues and supervisors will be lost. This means employees who work away from the office can feel isolated; consequently, working environment at home may cause several mental problems. For example, my sister working at home as a web developer has recently experienced depression although she can earn more than $30,000 per month. Another issue is that a wide range of distractions is likely to be reached when you are remote worker. Obviously, without any observation f the supervisor, people tend to spend remarkable hours engaging in watching TV, checking Facebook or even doing the household chores.

On the other hand, I believe that there are more benefits of being remote employees. The first reason is that working at home part- or full-time helps the workers reduce household expenditure on transport. Secondly, reduction in travel time is likely to decrease the amount of CO2 from burning energy, therefore this surely have positive impact on preventing air pollution. Finally, this type of work also enables them to strengthen the family tie. As a matter of fact, parents working from home can spend more time with their children in order to monitor their progress and providing them sustainable care.

In conclusion, although working at home couldcreates several disadvantages, it seems to me that the benefits of it are higher.
Ngan HoOn the one hand,
This is not the most natural form of the idiom.

On one hand, it is good....
On the other hand, it is bad...

For example, my sister who is working at home as a web developer has recently experienced depression, although she can earn more than $30,000 per month. Another issue is that you are likely to experience a wide range of distractions is likely to be reached when you are a remote worker (working remotely). Obviously, without any observation by the supervisor, people tend to spend remarkable numbers of hours engaging in watching TV, checking Facebook or even doing the household chores.

Finally, this type of work also enables them to strengthen the family ties.

In conclusion, although working at home could have several disadvantages, it seems to me that the benefits of it are higher.
I got what you meant. You know, on the Internet, a lot of sources for me to study. Therefore, different writing styles makes me confused sometimes Emotion: sad