I would be really happy if you can give me feedbacks and the band score I would get, so I can improve more.

Thank you so much!

Some people think that the best way to ensure road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding bikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Write at least 250 words.

TASK

In the current society, raising legal driving age is thought to be the most efficient method to control road safety. While I accept that this method has some undeniable effects, I would argue that there are more appropriate solutions to tackle this problem.

On the one hand, adjusting the minimum driving age can help reduce traffic accidents, thus enhancing the safety of drivers and pedestrians. To begin with, numerous incidents are caused by young drivers every year. The main reason is that those drivers are not mature enough to understand the consequences of their careless driving and also inexperienced to handle unpredictable situations on the road. Therefore, by raising the driving age, authority can make sure that even the youngest drivers are aware of their responsibility for their own lives and other people’s lives when driving.

On the other hand, due to the fact that many youngsters drive without driving licence, this measure can only restrain traffic accidents in a minor scale. As a result, more pertinent solutions which can be applied widely need figuring out. One of the most effective ways to enhance road safety is enforcing more serious penalties on those who commit driving offences. For example, heavy fine could be imposed for people using alcohol while driving and taking away licences of relapsing drivers should also be considered. Another solution is upgrading public transportation’s system. For instance, by speeding up vehicle boarding or reducing travel fares, mass transit can attract more passengers, that means the number of private vehicles travelling in the same time would drop to an acceptable rate. In this way, drivers and pedestrians may no longer involving unfortunate traffic accidents.

In conclusion, while the increase in legal driving age may help cut down on traffic accidents, there are still better methods to ensure road safety such as imposing harsh punishments and improving public transportation.(309 words)

Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:


Topic: Some people think that the best way to ensure road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or riding bikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?


My essay:

(Your text here...)
---------------------

Quốc Nguyễn Tấn AnhI would be really happy if you can give me feedbacks

Feedback, homework, research, advice, information, meat and many others are non-count nouns. We do not use the plural forms.

Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies

In the current society, Raising the legal driving age is thought to be the most efficient method to increase / improve control road safety. While I accept that this method has some undeniable effects, I would argue that there are more appropriate solutions to tackle this problem.

(You did not answer the essay prompt: To what extent do you agree or disagree?

You need to use an adverb of extent. Do you know these words?

Complete agreement / disagreement:
------------

completely
fully
totally
wholeheartedly
unreservedly
with no reservations
without reservation
unequivocally
unquestionably
with no hesitation
unconditionally

Partial agreement / disagreement:
----------------

somewhat
partially
partly
to some extent / to a limited extent / to a point
with (some / certain / a few) reservations
conditionally

Slight agreement / disagreement:
----------------

a little (bit)
--------------------


On the one hand, adjusting changing the minimum driving age from 15 to 21 can help reduce traffic accidents, thus enhancing (wrong word) making it safer for other vehicles the safety of drivers and pedestrians. To begin with, numerous A high percentage of incidents are caused by young drivers every year. The main reason is that those drivers they are not mature enough to understand the consequences of their careless driving and also inexperienced to handle unpredictable situations on the road. Therefore, by raising the driving age, only mature adults will be driving cars and motorbikes. authority can make sure that even the youngest drivers are aware of their responsibility for their own lives and other people’s lives when driving.

On the other hand, due to the fact that many youngsters (Youngsters are children aged 7-12. Their parents do not allow them to have keys to the family car.) teenagers / adolescents drive without passing a driving test, driving licence, this measure can only restrain (wrong word) curtail traffic accidents to a minor extent. in a minor scale. As a result, more pertinent (wrong word) v there must be more viable solutions which can be applied widely need figuring out. One of the most effective ways to enhance road safety is enforcing having more serious penalties for those who commit driving offences. For example, heavy fine (wrong form) could be imposed on people using drinking alcohol while driving and taking away revoking the licences of relapsing drivers with a record of speeding tickets, driving under the influence or reckless driving offenses should also be considered. Another solution is upgrading the public transportation’s (wrong form) system. For instance, by speeding up vehicle boarding or reducing travel fares, mass transit can attract more passengers, that means the number of private vehicles travelling at the same time would drop to an acceptable rate. In this way, drivers and pedestrians may no longer involving unfortunate traffic accidents.

In conclusion, while the increase in the legal driving age may help cut down on traffic accidents, there are still better methods to ensure road safety such as imposing harsh punishments and improving public transportation.

Dear teacher, I found myself so lucky that you spent your time to check my essay. Thank you so much.

I have rewrite my essay according to your advices, and also modify some sentences.
Can you check it again and evaluate how much Ielts score I would get with this essay?

Thank you so much, hope you have a happy day today.

EDITED

Some individuals consider raising the legal driving age to be the most efficient method of improving road safety. However, I completely disagree with this view because there are more appropriate solutions to tackle this problem.

On the one hand, increasing the driving age can help reduce traffic accidents, thus making it safer for other drivers and pedestrians. Firstly, a high percentage of incidents are caused by young drivers every year. The main reason is that they are not mature enough to understand the consequences of their careless driving. Therefore, by raising the driving age, only mature adults will be driving cars and motorbikes. Secondly, as older people are more experienced, they can know how to handle unpredictable situations on the road, while younger one might not be able to. To illustrate, if the brakes of a car suddenly break down, a young driver might panic, and accidents are more likely to occur.

On the other hand, due to the fact that many adolescents drive without passing a driving test, raising minimum driving age can only curtail traffic accidents to a minor extent. As a result, there must be more viable methods of ensuring road safety. One of the most effective ways is having more serous penalties for those who commit driving offences. For example, heavy fines could be imposed on people drinking alcohol while driving and revoking the licence of drivers with a record of speeding tickets or reckless driving offenses should also be considered. Another solution is upgrading the public transportation system. For instance, by speeding up vehicle boarding or reducing travel fares, mass transit can attract more passengers, that means the number of private vehicles travelling at the same time would drop. In this way, drivers and pedestrians may no longer involve in unfortunate traffic accidents.

In conclusion, while the increase in the legal driving age may help cut down on traffic accidents, there are still better methods to ensure road safety such as imposing harsh punishments and improving public transportation.

Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.

Some individuals consider raising the legal driving age to be the most efficient method of improving road safety. However, I completely disagree with this view because there are more appropriate solutions to tackle this problem.

On the one hand, increasing the driving age can help reduce traffic accidents, thus making it safer for other drivers and pedestrians. Firstly, First, a high percentage of incidents are caused by young drivers every year. The main reason is that they are not mature enough to understand the consequences of their careless driving. Therefore, by raising the driving age, only mature adults will be driving cars and motorbikes. Secondly, Second, as older people are more experienced, they can know how to handle unpredictable situations on the road, while younger ones might not be able to. To illustrate this, if the brakes of a car suddenly fail, break down, a young driver might panic, and accidents are be more likely to cause an accident. occur.

On the other hand, due to the fact that many adolescents drive without passing a driving test, raising the minimum driving age can only curtail traffic accidents to a minor extent. As a result, Thus, here must be more viable methods of ensuring road safety must be found. One of the most effective ways is having more serous penalties for those who commit driving offences. For example, heavy fines could be imposed on people drinking alcohol while driving and revoking the licence of drivers with a record of speeding tickets or reckless driving offenses should be revoked. also be considered. Another solution is upgrading the public transportation system. For instance, by speeding up vehicle boarding or reducing travel fares, mass transit can attract more passengers, and that means the number of private vehicles travelling at the same time would drop. In this way, drivers and pedestrians may no longer get involved in unfortunate traffic accidents.

In conclusion, while the increase in the legal driving age may help cut down on traffic accidents, there are still better methods to ensure road safety such as imposing harsh punishments and improving public transportation.

I'd like to thank for your advices, teacher!
Can you review my latest essay, I have posted it here:

https://www.englishforums.com/English/HelpIeltsWritingTaskPlease/bpnjgj/post.htm

Quốc Nguyễn Tấn AnhI'd like to thank for your advices, teacher!

Good, but please use correct English!

I'd like to thank you for your advices, teacher! (Advice, like work, feedback, knowledge, meat, luggage, water and money is non-count.)

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.