Given is the bar chart comparing the time spent by 10 to 15 year olds in the UK on chatting online and playing computer games on the daily basis.

Overall, it is clear that playing on games control is more popular than online chatting and all of these students spend less than 3 hours each day.However, games are played more by boys while 10 to 15 year old girls much engage in online conversation.

Boys aged between 10 to 15 prefer playing on game consoles to having online conversation. Indeed, 85% of boys spend time on gaming daily compared to only 55% chatting online. Furthermore, the vast majority of boys play on their consoles for over 1 hour per day and 10% do this activity for 4 hours or more.

Regarding to their counterparts, much of their time goes into texting and chatting on the internet. There is a proportion of nearly 70% of girls in the ages of 10 to 15 favour online conversation, but the lower figure for games consoles accounting for approximately 50% and close to 2% play for 4 hours plus.


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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

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Topic:

The chart below shows the amount of time that had at 15 year olds spend chatting on the internet and playing on the games consoles on the average school day in the UK.

Please copy the instructions accurately and completely.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Given is (Unnatural) The bar chart compares the time spent by 10 to 15 year olds in the UK on chatting online and playing computer games on the a daily basis. (Incomplete. You did not mention boys and girls as separate as well as both together. You did not mention the units of measure, which is percentage, not time. You did not mention that the length of time was grouped into three categories.)

Overall, it is clear that (Delete. That clause gives no information) playing on games control (wrong word) is more popular than online chatting (That is not true for girls.) and all of these students spend less than 3 hours (That is not true. Some of them spend more than 4 hours.) each day.However, games are played more by boys while 10 to 15 year old girls much engage (unnatural - poor English) more in online conversations.

Boys aged between 10 to 15 (Repetitive. There are no other age groups, and you already gave that in the first paragraph. Do not repeat the information) prefer playing on game consoles to having online conversation. Indeed, 85% of boys spend time on gaming daily compared to only 55% chatting online. Furthermore, the vast (55% is not "vast") majority of boys play on their consoles for over 1 hour per day and 10% do this activity for 4 hours or more.

Regarding to their counterparts, Much of their the girls' time goes into texting and chatting on the internet. There is a proportion of nearly 70% of girls in the ages of 10 to 15 favour online conversation, but the about half lower play on figure for games consoles accounting for approximately 50% and close to 2% play for 4 hours plus.

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