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Some people think that young people can learn useful skills by playing electronic and computer games. Others argue that people who play electronic and computer games are wasting their time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Computer games are becoming more and more popular among the young, especially boys. But attitudes of people towards that kind of entertainment tend to vary significantly.
Some would argue that the yourh can learn many things from those games. First, it is evident that most of the modern electronic games are very complicated and intricate. They require players to be clever enough as well as have some certain skills. Therefore, people can have a chance to make brains work harder and improve their intelligence or agility by playing video games. Moreover, teenagers also need to completely focus attention on the screen when playing those. As a result, they may have their patience together with concentration boosted greatly. Another benefit which computer games have is that they encourage team spirit because a player often has to cooperate with others to organize a match and gain victory. Because of this, they can learn how to get on well with other people or reach a compromise.
In contrast, others assume that video games are time-consuming. In fact, despite being quite useful, this kind of games is highly additive, which makes players spend too much time on it and even lose all track of time. Consequently, games can be a drain on the young's energy, which probably results in some serious effects. For example, if a student is addicted to playing computer games. he spends most of the time sitting in front of the phone or laptop instead of doing homework assignments. Therefore, his study results may become worse. Additionally, teenagers may also miss the chance to enjoy the time of themselves through leisure activities such as extracurricular ones or sports.

However, in my perspective, electronic games are rather useful and people can learn a lot of things from them. But if we do not use them the right way, we will make video games a complete waste of time.
In conclusion, the youth should only spend a moderate amount of time playing games. More importantly, they ought to concentrate on their studies and extracurricular activities as well.

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Computer games are becoming more and more popular among the young, especially boys. But attitudes of people towards that kind of entertainment tend to vary significantly.

(Your paragraphing is not the best. Especially the first paragraph is insufficient. The examiner is looking for your understanding of the topic and your answer to the essay question in the first paragraph.

You demonstrate your understanding by paraphrasing the topic.
You show "task completion" by making a thesis statement which is your answer to the question.

Neither of these is in your first paragraph. You will lose points. You will lose points for "cohesion and coherence" as well because of your paragraphing. They are not balanced. )


Some would argue that the yourh can learn many things from those games. First, it is evident that (Those are useless words. Avoid the dummy-it clauses.) most of the modern electronic games are very complicated and intricate. They require players to be clever enough (wrong usage) as well as have some (wrong usage) certain skills. Therefore, people can have a chance to (That is not good English) exercise their brains make brains work harder and improve their intelligence or agility (Agility means that they are moving physically showing a sense of balance and quickness. I don't know a video game that has this.) by playing video games. Moreover, teenagers also need to completely focus attention on the screen when playing those. (wrong usage) As a result, they may have their developed patience together with concentration boosted (wrong usage) greatly. Another benefit that which computer games have is that they encourage team spirit because a player often has to cooperate with others to organize a match and gain victory. Because of this, they can learn how to get on well with other people or reach a compromise.
In contrast, others assume that video games are time-consuming. In fact, despite being quite useful, this kind of games (ungrammatical) is highly additive, which makes players spend too much time on it (wrong pronoun) and even lose all track of time. Consequently, games can be a drain on the players' young's energy, which probably results in some serious effects. For example, if a student is addicted to playing computer games. he spends most of the time sitting in front of the phone or laptop instead of doing homework assignments. Therefore, his marks will suffer. his study results may become worse. Additionally, teenagers may also miss the chance to enjoy the time of themselves (wrong usage) through leisure activities such as extracurricular ones or sports.

However, in my perspective, electronic games are rather useful and people can learn a lot of things from them. But if we (wrong usage) do not use them the right way, we will make video games are a complete waste of time.
In conclusion, the youth should only spend a moderate amount of time should be allocated to playing games. More importantly, they ought to concentrate on their studies and extracurricular activities as well.

Comments  
Sherlock NguyenPlease help me check this essay (Original post)

Your request is incorrect. Consider these three sentences.

1) Please help me to carry my bags ( You carry the bags, but I assist you. )
2) Please carry my bags. (I carry the bags for you. )
3) Please help me by carrying my bags. (If I carry your bags, it will be good for you.)

1) Please help me check this essay. (You check your essay, but I assist. The web site does not allow this.)
2) Please check this essay. ( I check your essay and give you feedback. )
3) Please help me by checking this essay. (I check your essay and give you feedback. That will help you.)

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