IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Some children find some school subjects difficult (for example maths or philosophy), so these subjects should be optional rather than compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There are a lot of subjects at school, some of which are relatively hard to study. Therefore, several children want those subjects to be selective.and I totally disagree with that opinion for the reasons I'll explain later in my essay.
Firstly, it's quite true that Maths, Chemistry or Philosophy are very complicated and can be daunting as well. They require a clear and accurate understanding of every detail or formula as well as a great deal of intelligence and patience. Whereas not all students are good enough to study subjects like that, some are even scared of them. So evidently, they wish such subjects to be optional instead of compulsory as usual.

However, despite being very difficult, the subjects are immensely important for young peolple to do anything in their daily life. What is more, significant gaps in basic knowledge can result in some serious consequences. For example, if you don't spend time learning Maths, you won't be able to pay your bill or check your salary exactly.

Second, if we make these subjects selective then students only have to study what they like and find easy for them. Gradually, they might lose the ability to confront and overcome difficulties in study and life because they don't need to persevere in complicated subjects. Moreover, they might not have the chance to experience feelings of pressure or stress when they strive to do something that is really hard for them. And that lack of the most important survival skill can lead to a lot of failure in their life after finishing school.

Another reason is that Maths or Philosophy can help students develop their logical thoughts and the ability to see kind of beyond things. Thanks to that, they can have more great opportunities in their career.

In conclusion, students should try to study all subjects even the difficult ones at school because those will be very helpful for students when they move into the world.

Red = my corrections and changes.

Blue = My comments/ suggestions.

Green= words/phrases part I really liked

crossing out= wrong word/poor grammar/wordy or not needed.

There are a lot of subjects at taught in schools, some of which are relatively hard to study. Therefore, several some children want those to choose the subjects that they study to be selective.and I totally disagree with that opinion for the reasons I'll explain later in my essay. I feel that students should not have a choice and be required to study all subject areas.= THESIS STATEMENT
Firstly,First, it's quite true that Mathematics, Chemistry or Philosophy are very complicated and can be daunting as well. They require a clear and accurate understanding of every detail or formula as well as a great deal of intelligence and patience. Whereas Not all students are good enough able to study these difficult subjects like that, and some are even scared of them. So evidently, they wish such subjects to be optional instead of compulsory. as usual.

This is a good paragraph, but it doesn't really support your thesis statement/opinion. Here you are writing about why students don't want to study difficult subjects instead of saying WHY they should study them which is your opinion. Writing a paragraph like this could waste precious time in an IELTS test.

However, despite being very difficult, the subjects are immensely important for young people so that they can to do anything in their daily life. What is more, Furthermore, significant gaps in basic knowledge can result in some serious consequences. For example, if you don't spend time learning Mathematics you won't be able to pay your bills or check your salary exactly accurately. = Better. Because you are NOW supporting your opinion.



Second, If students are given a choice then students they will only have to study what they like .and find easy for them. Gradually, they might lose the ability to confront face and overcome difficulties in their studies study and life because they don't need to persevere in with complicated subjects. Moreover, they might not have the chance to experience feelings of pressure or stress when they strive to do something that is really hard for them. And that This lack of the most important survival skills can lead to a lot of failure in their life lives after finishing school.

Another reason is that Mathematics or Philosophy can help students develop their logical thoughts thinking skills and the ability to be analytical see kind of beyond things. Thanks to that, As a result, they will find that they will have can have more great better opportunities in their future careers.

In conclusion, students should try to study all subjects ,even the difficult ones, at school because those these will be very helpful for students when they move into live in the real world.


Comments.

1. You have used some good words and grammar here, but try not to write such long sentences. Your punctuation is OK.

Don't forget to offset interjections with commas e,g In conclusion, students should try to study all subjects ,even the difficult ones, at school

2. Some of your introductory phrases were a bit old fashioned and wordy e.g what is more. Use more conjunctive adverbs e.g furthermore, consequently, however, as a result.

3. Don’t shorten Mathematics to MATH because IELTS like you to be formal.

4. MAKE SURE ALL YOUR PARAGRAPHS SUPPORT YOUR THESIS STATEMENT/OPINION.

5.Use first NOT firstly and make sure your second point follows it almost immediately.

6. On the whole, your essay was logical and had good transitions and ideas.

Thank you very much. Hope that you'll help me with my other essays!