Could you help me improve my IELTS writing, please? I really appreciate that. Thank you in advance!

Question: Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that governments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

The tuition fee for higher education is always an issue appealing to people’s attention. It is said that the governments should abolish fees to allow everyone to access university, but it seems to me this suggestion will have more disadvantages than advantages.


There are many compelling reasons why students should be permitted to pursue college without a fee. On the individual level, after graduating from university, people will have sufficient skills, knowledge to get a decent job. It will help them take care of themselves and support their family. On the societal level, a lot of skilled laborers will push the economy, which will result in a thriving economy. Moreover, a society with many educated people will be a civilized one.


Although waiving tuition has some benefits, I would contend that it still has some adverse on both students and society. First, if everyone can easily access to higher education, without fee, they won’t appreciate their study. It will lead to a bad result so this method may cost both government's budget and student’s time. Second, the government has a ton of things to pay for such as medical, traffic, national defense,... so that coverage for all student’s tuition at university can put a strain on government coffers. Consequently, it will make budget deficits, tax hikes, or reduced welfare among others.


Despite some advantages of abolishing tuition, the disadvantages will overshadow them so I strongly believe that government should continue to charge for higher education.

Hello ngoctham,

Take a look at my suggestions below. If you'd like more help, please message me.

Good luck with your assignments and exams!

~ Kayley

ngoctham4344There are many compelling reasons why students should be permitted to pursue college without a fee paying fees. On the individual level, after graduating from university, people will have sufficient skills,and knowledge to get a decent job. It will help them take care of themselves and support their familyfamilies. On the societal level, a lot of skilled laborers will push the economy, which will result in a thriving economy. Moreover, a society with many educated people will be a civilized one.
Here you may want to explore what you mean by 'civilized society'.
Although waiving tuition has some benefits, I would contend argue that it still has some adverse on both students and society. First Firstly, if everyone can easily freely access to higher education, without fee, they won’t appreciate their study studies. It will lead to a bad result so this method Lower grade point averages are not the return governments expect from subsidizing education. may cost both government's budget and student’s time. Second Secondly, the government has a ton of things to pay for other portfolios such as Health, traffic Infastructure and Transport, and National Defense. ,... so that coverage for all student’s tuition at university can put a strain on government coffers. Education funding needs should be balanced against these other financial obligations.
Consequently, it will make budget deficits, tax hikes, or reduced welfare among others.
Despite some advantages of abolishing tuition, the disadvantages will overshadow them so I strongly believe that government should continue to charge for higher education.
Here you need to turn this last sentence into a paragraph. It's your conclusion, but it needs to be elaborated on with more detail.
Kayley SantiagoFirst Firstly,

Kayley,

Welcome to English Forums. We appreciate thoughtful posts by native speakers, especially teachers.

I have been advising consistently to our essay writers that the transitions " first, second and third" be used in these essays, and not "firstly, secondly, thirdly".

Although the -ly forms are not ungrammatical, they have been falling out of use in American English and, especially "firstly" seems quaint, old-fashioned and even archaic to the modern ear. My recommendation is also in accordance with modern style guides. I strive to guide the students to an International business English writing style. Moreover, these transition words are also perfectly acceptable in British English, in which the older -ly forms are still extant.

You can see the discussion in an earlier post.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/FirstlyDiscussion/bxgbvk/post.htm