Hello, could please evaluate my task ?

thank you.

Writing task 1

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The graphs below show the enrolments of overseas students and local students in Australian universities over



a ten year period.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where

relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

My ans)

The graph displays the enrollment rates of Australian and international students into the various universities of Australia for a decade starting from 2001.

It can be noted very obviously from the graph that the total rates of the Australian students have a significantly larger number than that of the international students.

The graph of overseas students shows us that the rate of total overseas students was parallel towards the commencing rates at the start but then as seen very clearly the rates of total students had a drastic and constant increase as compared to the commencing rates which had a much lower amount of growth. The rates of the total and commencing among the local students have a much bigger difference with the total rates increasing drastically each year while the commencing rates shows little fluctuations but no real growth.

The data from the graph shows that the total rates of overseas and local had increased each year from 2001 by 20000 students with local ending up with 600000 students at the end while international students end with 80000.
The commencing rates among overseas had slow growth to 20000 from 2001 to 2006 and eventually ending up with 40000 while the local students had a sharp increase to 20000 in 2002 and then dropping to below 2000 in 2003 and followed a series of fluctuations while finally ending up with 20000 at 2010

The graph (This means there is only one graph. Study the task.) displays the enrollment rates (There are no rates on these graphs. Read my advice about the misuse of "rate.".) of Australian and international students into the various universities of Australia for a decade starting from 2001.

It can be noted very obviously from the graph that (These are useless words Delete. Read my advice.) The total rates (wrong word) of the Australian students have a significantly larger number than that of the international students.

The graph of overseas students (The reader is confused. There is only one graph, isn't there?) shows us that the rate of total overseas students was parallel towards the commencing rates at the start but then as seen very clearly (Delete) the rates of total students had a drastic and constant increase as compared to the commencing rates which had a much lower amount of growth. The rates of the total and commencing among the local students have a much bigger difference with the total rates increasing drastically each year while the commencing rates shows little fluctuations (Wrong word. Read my advice about the misuse of "fluctuation.) but no real growth.

The data from the graph shows that the total rates of overseas and local (missing noun. Local is an adjective) had increased each year from 2001 by 20000 students with local ending up with 600000 students at the end while international students end with 80000.
The commencing rates among overseas had slow growth to 20000 from 2001 to 2006 and eventually ending up with 40000 while the local students had a sharp increase to 20000 in 2002 and then dropping (wrong verb form) to below 2000 (Incorrect. It is certainly above two thousand.) in 2003 and followed a series of fluctuations while finally ending up with 20000 at 2010 (missing punctuation)


You did not write an essay that pointed out the main features as specified in the instructions.

Read my advice about the outline of a task 1 essay.

If you would like a sample essay, you may ask for one.