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I hope you can help me to check this essay. I appreciate your help

The given chart compares the UK and France in term of the number of the money spent on cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras in 2010

Overall, it is clear that the majority of expenditure was spent on cars in both France and the UK. On the other hand, the perfume was used with only a small minority over the period shown.

Look at the chart in more detail, we can see that the cars were more likely to expend rather than other consumer goods in both France and the UK in 2010, at 400.000 and 450.000 pounds respectively. Whereas, the expenditure on computers were a slightly lower, at 370.000 pounds in France and 350.000 pounds in the UK. The figures for the spending on books in France at 300.000, was three quarter as many as that of the UK.

As the data suggests, the UK customers spent at least money on perfume at nearly 150.000 pounds, which was the same the number of the money spent on cameras of French. In contrast, the expenditure on cameras of the UK was over twice as many as that of France.

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You need to study the difference between count nouns and non-count nouns. You have many errors related to this topic.


The given (Do not use "given' What kind of chart is it?) ) chart compares the UK and France in term (Wrong expression " in terms of") of the number of the money (Incorrect. Money is non-count. There is no such expression, "number of money.") spent on cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras in 2010 (Missing punctuation. Be sure to end sentences with a punctuation mark.)

Overall, it is clear that (Do not use expressions "it is obvious / noticeable / clear that") the majority of expenditure (wrong form) was spent on cars in both France and the UK. (There are only two countries and you have already told the reader this in the first paragraph.) On the other hand, (Incorrect transition phrase) the perfume was used with only a small minority (This makes no sense.) over the period shown. (There is only one year. Use this when there is a range of years.)

Look at the chart in more detail, we can see that (Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. Expressions like this are a waste of words that can be used to describe the information. https://www.englishforums.com/English/IeltsTaskHintsTipsAdvice/bxgnkx/post.htm

)

the cars were more likely to expend (Cars do not spend money.) rather than other consumer goods in both France and the UK in 2010, at 400.000 and 450.000 pounds respectively. Whereas, the expenditure on computers were (subject/ verb mismatch) a slightly lower, at 370.000 pounds in France and 350.000 pounds in the UK. The figures for the spending on books in France at 300.000, was three quarter (Three requires a plural form - three apples, three songs, three videos, three quarters) as many (Many is used with countable things. Many students. It is not used with non-count nouns, like amounts of money) as that of the UK.

As the data suggests, the UK customers spent at least (At least requires an amount. They spent more than that amount. e.g. I spend at least $5 for a hamburger. ) money on perfume at nearly 150.000 pounds, which was the same the number of the money spent on cameras of French. In contrast, the expenditure on cameras of the UK was over twice as many as that of France.


Here are some example sentences for this bar chart. You can study the expressions and word usage.

The bar chart compares consumer spending in two countries, France and the UK, on five types of goods in 2010. The five types are cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras and the units are thousands of pounds sterling.

The largest expenditure was on cars in the UK, at 450 thousand pounds and the smallest was on perfume in the UK, which was less than 150 thousand pounds.

The largest difference in spending was for cameras; UK consumers spent more than two times as much as the French on this category.

The largest difference in spending was for cameras; UK consumers spent more than twice that of the French on this category.

Overall, the total for all five categories indicated a larger consumer market in the UK, 1.75 versus 1.4 million pounds.

Cars represented the largest expenditure in both countries.

Consumers in the UK spent slightly more on books than French consumers spent on cars. Both totals were around 400 thousand pounds.

The smallest difference in spending was for computers where the UK residents spent 380 and the French spent 350 thousand pounds.

In France, the order of spending was cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras, the amounts ranging from 400 to 150 thousand pounds. In contrast, the order for the UK was cars, books, cameras, computers and perfume with amounts ranging from 450 to just under 150 thousand pounds.

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Thank you for your help but I have a questions in your example sentences

The bar chart compares consumer spending in two countries, France and the UK, on five types of goods in 2010. The five types are (do I need use past simple tense because it happened?) cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras and the units are thousands of pounds sterling.

the majority of expenditure (wrong form) can you show more detail in this case?

the cars were more likely to expend (Cars do not spend money.) rather than other consumer goods. Can I change this sentence by. " Customers in both countries preferred the cars to other consumer goods"

Base on your helps, I edited my essay.

The bar chart compares customer spending in two countries, the UK and France, on five type of goods in 2010, The five types were cars, computers, books, perfume and cameras and units thousands of pounds sterling.

Overall, Cars represented the largest expenditure in both countries while only the smallest was on perfume in the UK and on cameras in France.

In 2010, Customers in both countries preferred the cars to other consumer goods. In more details, the largest expenditure was on cars in the UK and France, at 450 and 400 thousand pounds respectively. Whereas, the expenditure on computers was a slightly lower, at 370.000 pounds in France and 350.000 pounds in the UK. The spending on books in France at 300.000, was three quarters as much as that of the UK.

The smallest in spending was for perfume where the UK residents spent 150 and the French spent 200 thousand pounds. Similarly, the French spent only 150 thousand pounds on cameras while the expenditure on cameras of the UK was over twice as much as that of France.

designer nguyenThe five types are (do I need use past simple tense because it happened?)

They are on the chart. You are looking at the data in the present time. Use present tense when describing the aspects and features of the chart or graph.

designer nguyenthe majority of expenditure (wrong form) can you show more detail in this case?

You cannot have a majority of one thing. There must be a lot of things, and a majority is more than 50% (half).

For example:

In a group of 200 people, 120 voted for Mr. Kung, and 60 voted for Mrs. Yang. The other 20 voted for other candidates.

You can write: The majority of these people voted for Mr. Kung. because "people" is plural.