In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?


In some nations, youngsters are often given message that if they are hard-working enough, they can achieve whatever they want. This message gives some benefits to the children but at the same time, causing some disadvantages.

The first benefit of telling children it is possible to achieve everything if they try hard enough is that children will get use to putting all effort into what they do which helps them easier to reach their targets in the future. This is due to the fact that youngsters usually look up to and listen to adults, especially their parents and relatives so they will do what they are told. After a period of time, they will familiar with hard-working and that habit will help them on their future path. In addition, this message also brings hopes to the ones who have bad backgrounds or disabilities. They can set successful people coming up from nothing as examples, feeling the inspirations and overcoming all the barriers.

On the other hand, there are disadvantages to the children in this action which are too focus on things that are not deserved and being stressful if they can’t reach theỉ targets. With this message, youngsters will think they can achieve anything, even which are truly beyond their abilities. As a result, they keep wasting time concentrating in one thing that they may never achieve rather than spend time on more deserved things. In the situation where they can’t achieve goals, they will blame themselves and doubt their abilities.

In conclusion, telling the children that nothing they can’t achieve if they try hard enough gives hopes and help them create good habits, however, it also has bad effects on the children.

You need to study pronouns. Most of the time, you do not use them effectively.


In some nations, impressionable young people youngsters (Not a good word choice.) are often given the message that if they work hard are hard-working enough, they can achieve whatever they want. This message gives some benefits to them the children but at the same time, causing some problems. disadvantages.

The first benefit of telling children it is possible to achieve everything if they try hard enough is that children will get use to putting all effort into what they do which helps them easier to reach (ungrammatical) their targets in the future. This is due to the fact that they youngsters usually look up to and listen to adults, especially their parents and relatives so they will do what they are told. After a period of time, they will familiar (Familiar is not a verb.) with hard-working and that habit will help them on their future path. In addition, this message also brings hopes (wrong form) to the ones those who have bad disadvantaged backgrounds or disabilities. They (Who do you mean?) can set (wrong word) successful people coming up from nothing as examples, feeling the inspirations and overcoming all the barriers. (ungrammatical)

On the other hand, there are disadvantages to the children in this action (wrong phrase) which are too focus (wrong form) on things that are not deserved (wrong word.) and being stressful (ungrammatical) if they can’t reach theỉ targets. With this message, youngsters (Not a good word choice.) will think they can achieve anything, even those which are truly beyond their abilities. As a result, they keep wasting time concentrating in one thing that they may never achieve rather than spend (wrong form) time on more deserved (wrong form) things. In the situation where they can’t (Do not use contractions in formal essays) achieve goals, they will blame themselves and doubt their abilities.

In conclusion, telling the children that there is nothing they can’t achieve if they try hard enough gives hopes (wrong form) and help them create good habits, (comma splice error) however, it also has bad effects on them. the children.

I see you are posting new essays. You should try to fix the mistakes that you have made in this one first. Students learn best by correcting their own errors. If you have a question about how to make a correction to a sentence or word, please ask about it.

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.

It is believed that with the advance technology people’s longevity is inclining today in the industrialized nations. This essay will examine the reason behind the incremental effect in the individual’s life expectancy and the solution to avoid the issue.

To embark on, social cost in the advanced countries to take care of old people is inevitably increasing, which results in rising the tax burden on the next generation. With the growing pace in tax rates, young people work hard to harness more income to the contrary of their parent’s generation, where the incentives were quite high with less tax burden, as a result of less old age population. Eventually, it will have detrimental effect on the vitality of the economy to the society.

As a solution, government should increase the age of the retirement. This will enable the economy to slow down the pace of ageing and foster more time to tackle this issue. Additionally, it is high time to also repair the health care department to better handle the aggravating ageing problem.

To conclude, extension in retirement age and repair of health center allows the society to cope up with the worsening problem of fast growing population

navy scarf 597It is believed that with the advance technology

Milliann; Please post your new essay in a different thread. Post your revision and corrections for the first essay below. Do not mix up two different essays in the same post.

Also, please do not use two different accounts. We can delete the one you do not wish to use.

Below is my correction for the first one. Hope you can check it.


In some nations, impressionable young people are often given the message that if they work hard enough, they can achieve whatever they want. This message gives some benefits to them but at the same time, causing some problems.

The first benefit of telling children it is possible to achieve everything if they try hard enough is that children will put all effort into what they do. This is due to the fact that they usually look up to and listen to adults, especially their parents and relatives so they will do what they are told. After a period of time, they can be familiar with hard-working and that habit will help them on their future path. In addition, this message also brings hope to those who have disadvantaged backgrounds or disabilities. To be more precise, children can take successful people coming up from nothing as an example. While doing this, they will know that there are people, having the same background as them, can achieve their life goals after hard-working over an extended period of time. Therefore, young people may try to imitate these successful people and work hard in order to change their lives.

On the other hand, there are disadvantages to children who are given this message. These young people can be too concentrate on things that are not worthy due to the reason that, with this message, children may think they can achieve anything, even those which are truly beyond their abilities. As a result, they keep wasting time concentrating on one thing that they may never achieve rather than spend time on more deserving things. In the situation where they can not achieve goals, they will blame themselves and doubt their abilities.

In conclusion, telling children that there is nothing they can not achieve if they try hard enough gives hope and help them create good habits. However, it also makes children put the focus on wrong things which causes bad effects on them.


I also want to ask why 'youngster' is a bad word choice because I have seen this word in other IELTS academic writings, and what word is suitable to replace 'children' in this essay.

Thank you so much.

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I'm sorry but the account below is not mine, I only use this one.

milliann

I'm sorry but the account below is not mine, I only use this one.

Well, you were rudely interrupted by that person! Sorry for that. Some people are impolite, not respecting others.