My essay:

As we can see above, the graph illustrates the change in the percentage of domestic access to home modern technology in the UK.

In 1996, Internet access was not available so there were only three kinds of home technology: mobile phone, home computer, and the CD player. At that time, the CD player was the most popular among all technology devices with 60 percent. Meanwhile, mobile phone just reached a small number of under 20 percent and home computer marked a little better percentage, which was nearly 3 percent. It was not until 1998 that Internet access first took its place with a number of about 10 percent. Home computer slightly increased to 35 percent while mobile phone rose more sharply and reached almost 30 percent. Besides, the CD player still steadily climbed to 69 percent.

After two years, Internet access suddenly climbed sharply to more than 30 percent while home computers still slowly increased. Moreover, cellphone suddenly slowed down between 1999 and 2000. However, it was still upward trend and ranked almost 50 percent in 2000 and 2001 period. At the time, the CD player had no fluctuations and continually reached a higher percentage, which was 78 percent. In the next years, all four elements of technology devices are upward. Internet access reached 43 percent, mobile phone reached 70 percent, and passed home computer which was 58 percent, and the highest one is CD player with 82 percent.

Overview, everything seemed to increase consistently and this also reflected that homes in the UK have such great access to modern technology.

As we can see above, the graph illustrates the change of the percentage of domestic access to home modern technology in the UK. In 1996, Internet was not available so there were only three kinds of home technology: mobile phone, home computer and CD player. At that time, CD player was the most popular among all technology devices with 60 percent. Meanwhile, mobile phone just reached a small number of under 20 percent and home computer marked a little better percentage, which was nearly 3 percent. It was not until 1998 that the Internet access first took its place with a number of about 10 percent. Home computer slightly increased to 35 percent while mobile phone rose more sharply and reached almost 30 percent. Besides, the CD player still steadily climbed to 69 percent. After two years, the Internet access, at a sudden, climbed sharply to more than 30 percent while home computer still slowly increased. Moreover, cellphone suddenly slowed down between 1999 and 2000. However, it was still upward trend and ranked almost 50 percent in 2000 and 2001 period. At the time, the CD player had no fluctuations and continually reached a higher percentage, which was 78 percent. In the next years, all four elements of technology devices are upward. Internet access reached 43 percent, mobile phone reached 70 percent, and passed home computer which was 58 percent, and the highest one is CD player with 82 percent. Overview, everything seemed to increase consistently and this also reflected that homes in the UK have such great access to modern technology.

Where is the graph?

Click on:
- Reply
- Attach images (near the top right)
- Choose Files (upload the image)
- Add to post

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.
surinAs we can see above,

No, we can't see above.

Sorry, we cannot help you.

1. We do not have the essay instructions.

2. We cannot see what you are writing about.

3. You failed to write in paragraphs. That makes the text difficult to understand.

Please post essays in the essay forum here:

https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

If you are writing IELTS Task 1, please attach an image of the figure you are writing about:

Please put the essay instructions with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic: Put the essay instructions here.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
---------------------

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. Write your essay in paragraphs and post it again.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

Then we are very happy to give you feedback.

Your essay has many issues, and a major one is the length, 260 words.

The minimum is 150.

You will not lose points simply for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for these errors.

Second, especially in Task 2, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. In Task 1, you are likely writing about everything, rather than following the instructions and picking out only the significant points. This will cost you points.

Third, you will take a lot of the limited time writing, and not have time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, and that lowers your score.

Fourth, you will not have enough time to devote to Task 2, and get a lower score there. Task 2 counts twice as much for your overall score.

The second problem is the order of paragraphs. It is not logical.

Read my advice for the best paragraph structure for task 1.

And the third problem is phrases and clauses that 1) have no information content or 2) are very unnatural and awkward.

Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies

As we can see above, (Useless words with no information) the (What kind of graph?) graph illustrates (wrong verb) the change in (wrong expression.) the percentage of domestic access to home modern technology (Very awkward and unnatural. Just tell the reader what items are on the graph.) in the UK.

In 1996, Internet access was not available so (Do not write any interpretations, deductions or conclusions in Task 1 . That is only for Task 2. In Task 1 you just describe information on a graphic.) there were only three kinds of home technology: (That is not true. People had televisions and radios.) mobile phone, home computer, and the CD player. At that time, the CD player was the most popular (that is an opinion word. ) among all technology devices with 60 percent. Meanwhile, mobile phone just reached a small number (that is not good English) of under 20 percent and home computer marked a little better percentage, which was nearly 3 percent. It was not until In 1998 that Internet access appears at first took its place with a number of about 10 percent. Home computer ((wrong form) slightly increased to 35 percent while mobile phone rose more sharply and reached almost 30 percent. Besides, the percentage having a CD player still steadily climbed to 69 percent.

(Your essay is too wordy. You are not supposed to write every detail. Read the instructions - they say "summarize" and compare.)

After two years, Internet access suddenly climbed sharply to more than 30 percent while home computers still slowly increased. Moreover, cellphone suddenly slowed down between 1999 and 2000. However, it was still upward trend and ranked almost 50 percent in 2000 and 2001 period. At the time, the CD player had no fluctuations (wrong word) and continually reached a higher percentage, which was 78 percent. In the next years, all four elements of technology devices (awkward, unnatural) are upward. Internet access reached 43 percent, mobile phone reached 70 percent, and passed home computer (ungrammatical) which was 58 percent, and the highest one is CD player with 82 percent.

The overall paragraph is not in the correct place for cohesion and coherence. In all scientific articles, the abstract or overview always comes before the details. Also, on the instructions, it says to report the main features first, and then the comparisons (details).

Overview, everything seemed to increase consistently and this also reflected that homes in the UK have such great access to modern technology.

Sample essay (too long, but useful for study purposes)

Paragraph 1: Describe the graphic but do not mention any data values

Paragraph 2: Report some "main features". 2 or 3 most significant observations about the data

Paragraph 3: Focus on some interesting details and comparisons. Do not just copy the values from the graph and put them in words.


The line graph plots the percentage of households in the UK that had one of four different types of technologies in their homes, specifically a CD player, a mobile phone, Internet service and a home computer between the years 1996 and 2003.

Overall, the presence of all these technologies in UK homes increased steadily over the period. The majority of homes had a CD player in 1996, whereas none had internet access. Internet access first appeared in 1998. By the end of the period, the majority of homes had all four, except for internet service.

In detail, ownership of CD players was quite common. In 1996, 60% had one, more than any of the others. This went up continuously and steadily to over 80% in 2003, an increase of 20%. Mobile phones had the largest percentage change, from 18% in 1996 to nearly two-thirds in 2003, when it placed second after CD players. Possession of a home computer was in second place after the CD Players in 1996, at about a quarter of all households, but fell to third place in 1999. In 2003, it was in just over half of the households. The last technology, internet access, was in fourth place when it first appeared in 1998, installed in about 10% of homes. At the end of the period just under 50% of homes had it.