Please help me give advice for my writing below. Thank you in advance!
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The provided line graph gives information about the percentage of UK population aged over 4 years old listening to the radio or watching television throughout the day in the year 1992 from October to December.
Overall, the number of audiences listening to the radio decreased from daytime to nighttime, while that of people watching television increased, with the period from 6 pm to 10 pm being the time when most audiences watched TV.
During the morning, it is apparent that audiences preferred radio to television, with 7% of the population aged over 4 years old listening to the radio at 6 am, while there was no one watching TV at that time. The number of radio audiences reached a peak at about 28% at 8:30 am before decreasing gradually throughout the rest of the day.
After noon, the number of people watching TV surpassed that of people listening to the radio peaking at 8 pm with nearly 50% of the population aged over 4. From 2 am to 6 am the next day, there were very few audiences entertaining themselves with either television or radio with under 5% of the population each.
Please read my advice for Task 1 essays
IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice
This page describes the vocabulary words that people often use incorrectly:
The provided (delete. - I gave you this feedback on the last essay. Do not use given, provided, shown, or any other similar word. They are unnecessary and unnatural.) line graph gives information about (Information can be anything. It is a useless word here. The picture gives information about Joe - his eyes are brown, his hair is red, and he is thin and tall. You cannot give information about a percentage. It makes no sense.) the percentage of UK population aged over 4 years old listening to the radio or watching television throughout the day in the year 1992 from October to December. (That is not correct reporting. The X-axis on the graph is NOT October to December with a data point for each day, like October 1, October 2..... October 31, November 1, . . . December 31. The rest of your essay confuses the reader because you did not describe what is on the X-axis accurately.)
Overall, the number (wrong word) of audiences (wrong word. An audience is, for example, a whole group of people watching a singer at a concert or a movie in the cinema.. e.g. The audience at the symphony concert was smaller than usual. There are no "numbers of audiences" on this graph. ) listening to the radio decreased from daytime to nighttime, while that of people watching television increased, with the period from 6 pm to 10 pm being the time when most audiences watched TV.
During the morning, it is apparent that (Delete this opinionated dummy-it clause. It has not information content.) audiences preferred radio to television, with 7% of the population aged over 4 years old (repetitious. You do not need to repeat this phrase. It is in the opening paragraph) listening to the radio at 6 am, while there was no one watching TV at that time. The number of radio audiences reached a peak at about 28% at 8:30 am before decreasing gradually throughout the rest of the day.
After noon, the number percentage of people watching TV surpassed that of people listening to the radio peaking at 8 pm with nearly 50% of the population aged over 4. From 2 am to 6 am the next day, there were very few audiences entertaining themselves with either television or radio with under 5% of the population each.
Comment: This graph is not very good. Usually the size of the audience would be measured hourly, so there would be a dot for each hour. The continuous measurements on this graph are highly unlikely, so I seriously doubt the authenticity of the source. The data has errors and the shape of the curves are very suspect with the sudden jags.
Sample essay:
The graph compares the size of radio and television audiences in the UK, measured as a percentage of the population, over an average 24-hour day, starting at 6 am. The data was gathered October through December 1992, and excluded people under 4 years old.
Overall, the radio audience larger than the TV audience in the morning hours until just after noon; the opposite was true the rest of the day. There were two peaks, for radio around 8 am, and a higher and broader one for TV during the early evening.
In detail, the percent of those listening to radio began the day at under one in ten, and grew to its peak of just under three in ten between 8 and 9 am. It tailed off the rest of the day, with a minor bump at 4 pm. The proportion watching TV was lower at the start, but then increased, exceeding the radio listeners around 1 pm. It rose steeply to prime time, maximizing at 45 to 50% between 6 and 10 pm. After that, it dropped to nearly zero between 2 and 6 am.
I really appreciate your helpful advice and will definitely apply them to my future writing. Thank you for the sample as well!