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Some people believe that money plays an essential role in lives, even though money is considered even more crucial than others, in some cases. However, it still depends on each person’s point of view. If they appreciate it seriously, they find it important and inverse. Thus, these questions are being discussed below.

Obviously, money is a foundation for humans’ daily lives. Yet, at least, we can pay for basic things such as clothes, food, houses, and service. It is hard to imagine life without money, people will fall into miserable situations, under the pressure of financial problems and rising children. But to some materialistic people, they want to enjoy life, squander money on luxury things such as treasure, sports car, brand stuff,… rather than necessary basic needs, so they found money more crucial than others because they perceive that money can buy everything. But, eventually, money is just a tool, despite having a lot of money we can’t buy the times, love, and happiness of a family. If we overuse money there may have repercussions. For instance, a family that relies solely on money might rapidly disintegrate in the unfortunate situation of the money running out.

Therefore, the value of money is undeniable but we have to be aware of the way to use it reasonably. . Some of the rich expense money to entertain while some people need it to withstand hard lives. In addition, people always want to show off about themselves. Even, they buy clothes that cost a million dollars without regrets. Money should be used for necessary demands, health care system, education. Particularly, authorities should support children who go into disadvantaged situations have opportunities to go to school or improve medical facilities for hospitals in the case of an epidemic outbreak. Charity funds are also encouraged a good utilization of money. Moreover, people should live a good modest life, learn how to save money, and use it in the right ways.

Overall, money is vital for human lives. But it is not everything, people shouldn’t focus too much on it. We need to treasure life because there are so many meaningful things in the world not just about money.

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Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic:

Money is important in most people’s lives. Although some people think it is more important than others. What do you feel are the right uses of money? What other factors are important for a good life?

Copy the instructions accurately and completely. The one you posted has grammatical errors.



My essay:

(Your text here...)
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You wrote over 360 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write 270-290 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.


You have 40 minutes.

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Some people believe that money plays an essential role in our lives, even though money is considered even more crucial than others, (That other what? I do not understand.) in some cases. However, it still depends on each person’s point of view. If they appreciate it seriously, they find it important and inverse. (that makes no sense. I don't know what you are trying to say. But "thus" is not logical. You need to address the essay prompts:

1. ) What are the right uses of money?
2. ) What things make a good life?

Here is an example opening: It gives a high-level idea of the "right uses of money" and "other things that make a good life."

Money is vital in today's societies, since without money, you will never be able to support a family as an independent adult. Young children do not need money at all because they are totally dependent on their parents. However, adults have to earn money and should use it wisely for things such as housing, food, utilities and transportation. Money does not guarantee happiness though; that requires family, friendships and a purpose or goal in life.

Thus, these questions are being discussed below. (Not good)

Obviously, money is a foundation for humans (wrong usage) our daily lives. Yet, at least, we can pay for basic things such as clothes, food, houses, and services. It is hard to imagine life without money, (comma splice error - ungrammatical) people will fall into miserable situations, under the pressure of financial problems and rising (wrong word) children. But to some materialistic people, they want to enjoy life, squander (wrong verb form) money on luxuries things such as treasure, (wrong usage) sports car, brand stuff (wrong usage) ,… (Never use ellipses, "etc." or phrases like "and so on" in formal writing.) rather than necessary basic needs, the bare necessities so they found (wrong verb form) money more important crucial than others because they perceive that money can buy everything. But, in the end, eventually, money is just a tool, (comma splice error - ungrammatical) despite having a lot of money we can’t (Do not use contractions in formal writing.) buy the fun times, love, and happiness of a family. If we overuse money there may have (wrong word) repercussions. For instance, a family that relies solely on money might rapidly disintegrate in the unfortunate situation of the money running out.

Therefore, the value of money is undeniable but we have to be aware of the way to use it reasonably. . Some of the rich expense (wrong word) money to entertain while some people need it to withstand hard lives. (wrong expression) In addition, people always want to show off about themselves. (Your have little coherence and cohesion in your writing. The subject jumps form one idea to another idea, and back again. Learn to link your sentences together in a flow of logic.) Even, (wrong usage) they buy clothes that cost a million dollars without thinking. regrets. Money should be used for necessary demands, health care system, education. (ungrammatical. Missing conjunction) Particularly, authorities should support (Off topic. It is not about government spending, but individuals' spending.) children who go into disadvantaged situations have opportunities to go to school or improve medical facilities for hospitals in the case of an epidemic outbreak. Charity funds are also encouraged a good utilization of money. (off topic. No coherence.) Moreover, people should live a good modest life, learn how to save money, and use it in the right ways.

Overall, money is vital for living in a modern society. human lives. But it is not everything, (comma splice error - ungrammatical) people shouldn’t focus too much on it. We need to treasure life because there are so many meaningful things in the world not just about besides money.


The major issues in your essay are:

1. comma splice errors - You made three of them.
2. Coherence and cohesion - you generally had good ideas, but they were not presented in a systematic, logical order.

3. Wandering off-topic - that is a problem with the length of the essay. Longer essays get bad marks because they go off-topic.

4. A very weak opening paragraph. Introduce your main ideas.

5. Violating the style rules of academic writing by using contractions and ellipses.

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