The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut art and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on useful subjects such as information technology. To what extent do you agree?

Many people accept it could be better if school take art and music down of the programme, so children will have more time to turn their attention to technological subjects. Even though the merits of eliminating the art classes is true, I believe remaining those extra materials will bring more positive development.
On the one hand, it is not necessary that everyone shall be a good musician or good at art. In this fast-paced era, several developments such as technology, science, and infrastructure have improved quickly, thus the majority of people stand their children to gain more knowledge in information and technology. This is because it will make students more ready to face the workforce in the future. For instance, Google, as one of the information and technology-based giant companies will recruit and give more job opportunity to people who have better IT knowledge as the qualification.
On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why art and music are the most important components in the development of children. Firstly, those subjects can increase students' intelligence. Some research shows that a person who plays a musical instrument well has a better opportunity to master academic subjects quickly because tones that they produce in the music can stimulate their creativity, imagination, and comprehension. Secondly, it will help children to enjoy for some moment and build a sense of felling to create wonderful creatures. Lastly, from these classes, the child can define their hidden talents, which help them to find their roles in the world.
For the above reasons, it seems to me that the advantages of art and music in education outweigh the drawback. The government should give a larger analysis in the curriculum system then.

Nguyen Quynh AnhMany people accept it could be better if school take art and music down of the programme, so children will have more time to turn their attention to technological subjects.

Many people almost suggests a majority: at least that the view is widespread. The question does not assert this; merely that such a view exist. If we begin with the second conditional "could" to indicate the situation is hypothetical, then we need to continue with conditionals: if the school took...

The topic is the school curriculum, not one particular programme, and a subject would be removed, not "taken down". The verb with attention here would be "devote".

Nguyen Quynh AnhEven though the merits of eliminating the art classes is true, I believe remaining those extra materials will bring more positive development.

"Merits" is plural; the verb is singular. "True" is not quite the right word: "valid" might be better. "Remain" is an intransitive verb and does not take an object: "keeping these subjects in the national curriculum".

I can see that you are trying to provide a balanced view here, but it comes across as muddled because if eliminating art classes is an improvement, then how can retaining them be a positive development? It is not a logically consistent stance. The truth is more that there is not enough time in the national school curriculum for everything: students or schools have to make choices.

Nguyen Quynh Anhit is not necessary that everyone shall be

it is not necessary for everyone to be ...

Nguyen Quynh Anhthe majority of people stand their children to gain more knowledge

"stand" should be "wish".

While this may be true,

Nguyen Quynh Anhmore job opportunity

singular or plural?

What matters in education depends on your view of the future: there is no discussion of your vision of the future; whether it will be technology-oriented, or what the other alternatives might be.

Nguyen Quynh Anh because tones that they produce

because the tones produced ...

Why can't they just listen to music? Explanation needed.

Nguyen Quynh Anhit will help children to enjoy for some moment and build a sense of felling to create wonderful creatures.

? it will bring enjoyment and a break from academic study to the children, and allow them to express their feelings ??? 'Felling' has to do with cutting trees down.

Nguyen Quynh Anhthe child can define their hidden talents,

a child can develop their hidden talents ??

Nguyen Quynh Anhthe advantages of art and music in education outweigh the drawback.

advantages .....outweigh ... drawbacks

Nguyen Quynh AnhThe government should give a larger analysis in the curriculum system then.

Do you mean the national curriculum should devote more time to them? Or there should be a more in-depth investigation into which is best?

Many people accept it could be better if school (wrong form) take art and music down (wrong word) of the programme, so children will have more time to turn their attention to technological subjects. Even though the merits of eliminating the art classes is true, (wrong word)I believe remaining (wrong word) those extra materials (wrong word) will bring more positive development.
On the one hand, it is not necessary that everyone shall (wrong word) be a good musician or good at artist. In this fast-paced era, several developments such as technology, science, and infrastructure have improved quickly, thus the majority of people stand (wrong word) their children to gain more knowledge in information and technology. This is because it will make students more ready to face (wrong word) the workforce in the future. For instance, Google, as one of the information and technology-based giant companies will recruit and give more job opportunity (wrong form) to people who have better IT knowledge as the qualification.
On the other hand, there are a variety of reasons why art and music are the most important components in the development of children. First, those subjects can increase students' intelligence. Some research shows that a person who plays a musical instrument well has a better opportunity to master academic subjects quickly because tones that they produce in the music can stimulate their creativity, imagination, and comprehension. Second, it will help children to enjoy for some moments and build a sense of felling (wrong word) to create wonderful creatures. (wrong word) Lastly, from these classes, the child can define their hidden talents, which help them to find their roles in the world.
For the above reasons, it seems to me that the advantages of art and music in education outweigh the drawback. (wrong form) The government should give a larger analysis in the curriculum system then. (??)

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