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Please correct my ielts writing task 2 about hard work. Thanks a lot.

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

It has been argued that nowadays some people tend to be diligent and hard-working whereas others seem to have no responsibilities to their work or study. Although a positive work ethic is desirable up to a certain point, too much hard work could be counterproductive and even cause bad effects on their health.

There are several factors why people become so conscientious. One key factor which drives people and makes them more studious is parental pressure. For example, some high schoolers in China, the world’s most populous country, are motivated to study hard as they do not wish to disappoint family members who expect them to apply to a top university such as Tsinghua or Peking. Besides, people also consider hard work as a mean to escape poverty and create a completely new life. Some employees in the USA, where the cost of living is the most expensive in the world, for instance, must assiduously work to earn a living.

Nevertheless, working or studying too hard is fraught with pitfalls. People who spend more than 8 hours a day being stuck behind a desk are susceptible to suffer from some mental illnesses such as workaholism symptoms. As a result, they would become more and more obsessed by their work and neglectful of their friends as well as family members, which would take years to recover. Additionally, students who pay too much attention to their study might confront stress, depression and even self-murder. In fact, Japan is the country which has not only the world’s most industrious students but also the highest suicide proportion due to the heavy academic pressure.

In conclusion, hard work is desirably appreciated, but overworking could cause side-effects and do harm to people’s health.

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could anyone help me to check the essay??

Jessica DangIn education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard?

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yes of course, although it takes so long, but fine

[ 1] People have different attitudes when it comes to the effort they put into work or study. It has been argued that nowadays some people tend to be diligent and hard-working, whereas others seem to have no responsibilities to attach less importance to their work or study. Although a positive work ethic is desirable up to a certain point, too much hard work could be counterproductive and even cause bad have detrimental effects on their people’s health.

There are several factors why that motivate people to study or work hard. become so conscientious. One key factor which drives people and makes them more studious is parental pressure. For example, some high schoolers [ 2] in China, the world’s most populous country, are motivated to study hard as they do not wish to disappoint family members who expect them to apply get into a top university such as Tsinghua or Peking. Besides, people also consider hard work as a [ 3] means to escape poverty and establish a foundation for a successful future. create a completely new life. Some employees in the USA, where Moreover, the cost of living in some countries is very high such that people there have no choice but to the most expensive in the world, for instance, must assiduously work hard in order to earn a living.

Nevertheless, working or studying too hard is not always without its drawbacks. fraught with pitfalls. People who spend more than [ 4] eight hours a day being stuck behind a desk are susceptible to suffer from some stress and other mental illnesses such as obesity, high blood pressure and back injuries. workaholism symptoms. Moreover, workaholism is becoming increasingly common, whereby people As a result, they would become are more and more obsessed by their work and neglectful of their social lives, friends as well as family members. , which would take years to recover. Additionally, students who pay spend too much attention to time their studying might confront often suffer from stress, insomnia and even depression. and even self-murder. In fact, For example, although Japan is the country which has not only famous as one of the world’s most industrious nations, students but it is also a country with one of the highest suicide rates in the world. proportion due to the heavy academic pressure.

In conclusion, some people work hard because of social pressure or to earn a basic living, work is desirably appreciated, but overwork ing could cause side-effects lead to stress and do harm to people’s health.

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[ 1]: Write a general sentence at the start of the introduction to tell the reader what the topic is.

[ 2]: “schooler” is AmE. “high school students” works in all varieties of English.

[ 3]: “means” in that sense works as a plural/singular noun; “mean” is wrong.

[ 4]: Generally, we write out numbers under ten.