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The table below illustrates the total number that people from different age groups in Someland spend their free time on six different activities per annum.

Overall, it is clear from the table that people tend to spend the greatest amount of their downtime watching TV/Videos. It is also clear that the older people get, the less involved they are in group exercise/sport and socializing with 4 or more people.

Teens and elderly people aged more than 70 years old in Someland devote a nearly equal amount of their downtime watching TV/Videos, at around 1200 hours, which is two times and three times as many as the figure of those who are the 30s and 50s. A reverse pattern can be seen for individual exercise and going to the cinema. To be more specific, people of all age groups reporting to spend fewer than 200 hours and 100 hours doing personal exercise alone and going to the movie theater distributively.

As regards socializing with a group of fewer than four people, 150 hours is the total of time that people younger than 30 years of age spend on annually, and this figure rises by 200 hours as the group expands in number. Group exercise/sport seems to less attractive to the residents living in Someland as they age. While people aged under the 40s dedicated spending more than 200 hours on group exercise/sport, old people above 60 reported not spending any time taking part in.

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You wrote nearly 250 words. The minimum is 150.

There is no penalty for a long essay, but longer essays tend to get poor scores. The reasons are:

  1. You have more chances to make mistakes.
  2. You do not have time to proofread carefully.
  3. You will have less time for Task 2, which counts double to your overall score and
  4. You will likely not be following the instructions of "selecting the main features." You will be tempted to write about every data value indiscriminately!

Please read my advice for Task 1 essays. You have made some typical errors.

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The table below (When you write your essay, the table will not be "below". Do not use these descriptive words: given, provided, above, below. ) illustrates (wrong verb) the total number (Number of trees? Number of movies? Number of games? What is counted? ) that people from different age groups in Someland spend their free time on six different activities per annum. (What are the activities? What are the age groups?)


Example:

The table lists hours of free time that residents of Someland in seven age groups spend on six types of activities, for example socialising, sports and watching films and TV. The age groups are given in ten-year age brackets, from teens to 70 and above.


Overall, it is clear from the table that (Those words tell the reader nothing about the data. Delete them.) people tend to spend the greatest amount of their downtime watching TV/Videos. It is also clear that (Repetitious and also "filler" words.) Furthermore, the older people get, the less involved they are in group exercise/sport and socializing with 4 or more people.

Teens and elderly people over 70 aged more than 70 years old in Someland ( The reader knows these people all live in Someland. Don't be repetitious.) devote a nearly equal amount of their downtime watching TV/Videos, at around 1200 hours, which is two times and three times (Which one? two or three?) as many as the figure (wrong word) of those who are the 30s and 50s. (wrong expression. People are not 30s. ) A reverse pattern can be seen for individual exercise and going to the cinema. To be more specific, people of all age groups reporting to (ungrammatical) spend fewer than 200 hours and 100 hours doing personal exercise alone and going to the movie theater distributively. (wrong word)

As regards socializing with a group of fewer than four people, 150 hours is the total of time that people younger than 30 years of age spend on annually, and it figure (wrong word) rises by 200 hours for larger sized groups. as the group expands in number. (This is incorrect. You only have two different group sizes, not many different sizes.) Group exercise/sport seems to less attractive (ungrammatical) to the residents living in Someland as they these people age. While people aged under the 40s (wrong expression - under 40) dedicated spending spent more than 200 hours on group exercise/sport, old people above 60 reported not spending any time doing this. taking part in.

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Comments  

thank you, sir!

sorry for my carelessness, here is the table that I have described. I'm so grateful that you spend your time to help me!

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?
IMANEWSOUL here is the table that I have described.

I notice that the instructions have a grammatical error and are not native English.
Perhaps this is not the best book to use for your essay practice.

 AlpheccaStars's reply was promoted to an answer.

Oh really? It was my teacher's instructions, he has studied aboard when he was about 20 and now he is a famous teacher teaching hundred gifted students in my area. What you have said made me feel so nervous.

Teachers: We supply a list of EFL job vacancies

Imanewsoul, AlpheccaStar is one of the most respected and learned moderators on this forum. Don't be nervous by her advice; just follow it. You will surely reap the benefits like most of us here.

Tom

Thanks for your detailed correction. Here is the essay that I rewrite based on your correction:

The table lists hours of free time that residents of Someland in seven age groups spend on six types of activities namely socializing, sports, watching TV and videos, and going to the cinema. The age groups given in ten-year brackets, from teens to 70 and above.

Overall, people tend to spend the greatest amount of their downtime watching TV/Videos. Furthermore, the older they get, the less involved they are in group exercise/sport and socializing with four or more people.

Teens and people over 70 devoted a nearly equal amount of their downtime watching TV/Videos, at about 1200 hours, which is two times as many as the hours spent by 30s-year-old people and three times as many as the total of time used by 40s-year-old adults. A reverse pattern can be seen for individual exercise and going to the cinema. To be more specific, people of all age groups spend fewer than 200 hours and 100 hours doing personal exercises alone and going to the movie theater respectively.

As rewards socializing with groups fewer than four, 150 hours is the time that people younger than 30 years of age spend annually, and it rises by 200 hours for larger sized groups. Sport exercise/sport seems to be the least attractive as these people age. While people under 40 spend more than 200 hours on group exercise/sport, pensioners above 60 reported not to spend any time doing this.

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