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Here is my completed writing task 2. Please point out my mistakes and give me a band score for each criterion if possible. Thanks in advance.

Topic: Scientific research should be carried out by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree?

There has been an ongoing discussion regarding who should perform scientific research. Should experimental explorations be regulated by the states instead of corporations? Personally, I completely agree that firm operation is the optimal option because of the specific reasons below.

The first main reason for my opinion is that the economy of the whole country will be benefited significantly. First, researches carried out and controlled by corporations have resulted in several innovations, and these can be sold abroad for money or used in technological and other fields to increase productivity. Therefore, the more companies do scientific researches, the more profit their nation will gain. In addition, the problem of unemployment will be solved. Not only many people who are experts in the researching area but also unskilled laborers will be hired.

Apart from the reason above, understanding about science will be widespread through a large number of researches operated by private companies. By co-operating with institutions and universities, many firms have assisted students and lecturers on acquiring a wide range of knowledge to apply to their experiments or projects, thus led to several breakthroughs in science. For example, with support from many private companies, students in a university in Vietnam have successfully created mobile disinfection chambers to serve people working in areas affected by Covid-19. The body sterilization chambers are now being piloted in medical examination areas.

In conclusion, for the reasons I have mentioned above, I strongly believe that scientific research should be funded and administrated by corporations. They will both develop the economic system in the country rapidly and enable the community to broaden their knowledge.

(272 words)

Comments  

“Not only many people who are experts in the researching area but also unskilled laborers will be hired.” There are wordy sentences over your writing. I would suggest you to write the above phrases like


“Not only experts but also unskilled laborers will be hired”