COMPARE THE INFLUENCE OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS ON TEENAGERS

We need to reach the B2+ level for this essay. Please check my essay and consider whether it good enough for the B2+ level or not. If you have any comments, don't hesitate to give them to me. Thanks a lot


Adolescence is considered as the most sensitive time in a person’s life, in which there are noticeable physical and mental modifications. Thus, during their development, they are under the significant influence of both family and friends. How teenagers are impacted by parents and peer is quite different in terms of selecting career and shaping behavior.

When looking at families, their impacts on career-related decision and manner formation are complex, which begin from birth and are carried into the transition to adulthood .First and foremost, parents influence juveniles' career choice both intentionally and inadvertently. When children reach adolescence, they begin to seriously consider their future, often looking on their parents either as role models or career counsellors (Pablo, R., & Drobot, L., 2010). The way parents approach this can encourage them to explore a variety of potential occupations or force them to an intended path. For instance, if a young girl does not see any female engineers in her hometown, and is pressured by her parents to pursue careers in more gender-biased roles (such as nursing or secretarial work), she will not typically believe that becoming an engineer is a possibility for herself (Clutter, 2010). Moreover, the family is considered as the major source of reinforcement of teenagers’ manner. Parents serve as role models for their children in imparting appropriate behavior, so family structures affect partly the development of youngsters. According to Loke & Mak (2013), it may be said that the children of divorced parents display a lower standard of conduct and delinquent behavior when compared to the children from intact families. Parenting style, whether is high or low control and support, is also taken into account.The adolescents who have less supervised time from their parents have higher tendency to use substance than those with more controlled time from their parents. A study showed that juveniles who characterized their parents as neglectful were more likely to have tried smoking (OR = 4.27) and illicit drugs (OR = 3.34) than those with warm and directive parents (Loke & Mak, 2013).

Peer pressure plays an indispensable role in shaping the teenagers’ career decision-making and behavior modification. Regarding career choices, teenagers have a tendency to share important information such as salary, promotion or competition to each other. For this reason, individuals can consider whether this position is suitable or not and be more decisive to adopt their dream career. Statistics from a research reveals that 70% students concur with the sentiment on peer assistance in career decision making to a greater extent and 25% believe it to some extent (Naz, et al. 2014). Correspondingly, the proportion of students approving of the position that peer group assists in career selection is 75% higher extent (Naz, et al. 2014). Additionally, friends have profound impacts on adolescents’ behaviors. Juveniles can be impinged by their peers to engage in unhealthy behaviors such as smoking, alcohol use or aggressive behaviors. In particular, the main motivation for their drinking is related to social events with friends because drinking is supposed to help relax or facilitate sharing experiences and feeling (Tomé, et al. 2012). However, friendship can motivate youngsters to study harder or participate in social activities. Adolescents with reciprocal friendships mention high levels of sense of belonging in school; customarily, it can have positive effects in teenagers’ academic results (Tomé, et al. 2012).

In conclusion, family and companions exert significant influences on teenagers in respect of career orientation and behavior formation. Regardless of their positive and adverse impacts, both factors contribute greatly to teenagers’ growth.

(Total: 586)



References

Clutter, C. (2010). The effects of parental influence on their children’s career choices.

Loke, A., & Mak, Y. (2013). Family Process and Peer Influences on Substance Use by Adolescents. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 10(9), 3868-3885. doi:10.3390/ijerph10093868

Naz, A., Saeed, G., Khan, W., Khan, N., Sheikh, I., & Khan, N. (2014). Peer and friends and career decision making: A critical Analysis [PDF file]. Middle-East Journal of Scientific Research 22(8): 1193-1197. doi: 10.5829/idosi.mejsr.2014.22.08.21993

Palos, R., & Drobot, L. (2010). The impact of family influence on the career choice of adolescents [PDF file]. Elsevier Ltd. doi: 10.1016/j.sbspro.2010.03.524.

Tomé, G., Matos, M., Simões, C., Diniz, J. A., & Camacho, I. (2012). How Can Peer Group Influence the Behavior of Adolescents: Explanatory Model. Global Journal of Health Science, 4(2). doi:10.5539/gjhs.v4n2p26

Group 3 - 18E15 - ULIS

I just want to make one brief, overall comment.


You were asked to COMPARE THE INFLUENCE OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS ON TEENAGERS.

I would expect your conclusion to sum up the similarities and differences of these two kinds of influence.

Yet when I look at your concluding paragraph, I don't see this. Why not?

You haven't done what you were asked to do!

Clive

I just gave feedback on this essay. Are you the same person as Mai Phương?


https://www.englishforums.com/English/PleaseCheckMyEssay/bxknbn/post.htm


And I agree with Clive. Since there are no specific comparisons in the essay, you did not address the topic adequately.

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.

We are asked to do a research writing assignment and our teacher said that we had to be neutral, we couldn't give our opinion to support whether parental impact was stronger or peer influence was stronger.

These essays are totally different. We study in the same class but not in the same group. We chose the same topic and the materials were recommended by our teacher.

Rosie0258we couldn't give our opinion to support whether parental impact was stronger or peer influence was stronger.

The topic: Summarize what the source material states about the influence of family and friends on teenagers.

Your essay fits that topic, not a "compare" topic.

Comparing two things is not necessarily giving an opinion. Scientists do this all the time to classify things. You are just reporting what is in the source material.

e.g.

Parents have complete control over their children's behavior until adolescence, when peer pressure can overcome the family's rules and standards for good versus bad behavior. An example is using drugs or drinking alcohol where there is intense pressure for a teenager to do what the dominant members of their peer group are doing. They not only neglect, but rebel against their parent's teaching. Another example is the faddish clothing that is so popular among teenagers. If a teenager does not have the latest fashions and cannot compete with their friends, they will feel isolated from the group, which leads to resentment against the parents who may think this kind of dress is inappropriate or too expensive.

Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.

Ok, I got it. Could you please check the writing for me? This is the second draft for the essay and I hope you can give me more useful comments.

Adolescence is considered as the most sensitive time in a person’s life, in which there are noticeable physical and mental modifications. (wrong word) Thus, During this period of their development, they are under the significant influence of both family and friends. How teenagers are impacted by parents and peer is quite different in terms of selecting a career and shaping behavior.

When looking at families, their impacts on career-related decision (wrong form) and manner formation (wrong expression) are complex, which begin from birth (What career-related decisions do newborns make?) and are carried into the transition to adulthood .First and foremost, parents influence juveniles' career choice both intentionally and inadvertently. When children reach adolescence, they begin to seriously consider their future, often looking on their parents either as role models or career counsellors (Pablo, R., & Drobot, L., 2010). The way parents approach this can encourage them to explore a variety of potential occupations or force them to an intended path. For instance, if a young girl does not see any female engineers in her hometown, and is pressured by her parents to pursue careers in more gender-biased roles (such as nursing or secretarial work), she will not typically believe that becoming an engineer is a possibility for herself (Clutter, 2010). (Consider a new paragraph here - you are starting a new idea.) Moreover, the family is considered as the major source of reinforcement of teenagers’ manner. (behavior, moral system, conduct) Parents serve as role models for their children in imparting appropriate behavior, so family structures affect partly the development of young children youngsters. According to Loke & Mak (2013), it may be said that the children of divorced parents display a lower standard of conduct and delinquent behavior when compared to the children from intact families. Parenting style, whether is high or low control and support, is also taken into account.The adolescents who have less supervised time from their parents have higher tendency to use substance than those who are supervised more closely by with more controlled time from their parents. A study showed that juveniles who characterized their parents as neglectful were more likely to have tried smoking (OR = 4.27) and illicit drugs (OR = 3.34) than those with warm and directive concerned parents (Loke & Mak, 2013).

(You need a transition here.) Peer pressure plays an indispensable role in shaping the teenagers’ career decision-making and behavior modification. (wrong expression - Behaviour modification is a psychological technique for removing unwanted habits or phobias) ) Regarding career choices, teenagers have a tendency to share important information such as salary, promotion or competition (Are teenagers employed? Do they have salaries and careers already?) with to each other. (I think you meant that teenagers are more open to sharing personal financial information than adults are.) For this reason, individuals can consider whether this position (What position? The position of sharing personal information?) is suitable or not and be more decisive to adopt their dream career. Statistics from a research (wrong form. "Research" is non-count.) reveals that 70% students concur with the sentiment (??) on peer assistance in career decision making (hyphenated) to a greater extent and 25% believe it to some extent (Naz, et al. 2014). Correspondingly, the proportion of students approving of the position that peer group assists in career selection is 75% higher extent (Naz, et al. 2014).(Consider a new paragraph here - you are starting a new idea.) Additionally, friends have profound impacts on adolescents’ behaviors. Juveniles can be impinged (wrong usage) by their peers to engage in unhealthy behaviors such as smoking, alcohol use or aggressive behaviors. In particular, the main motivation for their drinking is related to social events with friends because drinking is supposed to help relax or facilitate sharing experiences and feeling (Tomé, et al. 2012). However, the desire to maintain or make friendships can motivate youngsters them to study harder or participate in social activities. Adolescents with reciprocal friendships mention high levels of sense of belonging in school; customarily, it can have positive effects in teenagers’ their academic results (Tomé, et al. 2012).

In conclusion, family and companions (wrong word) peer groups exert significant influences on teenagers in respect of career orientation and behavior formation. Regardless of their positive and adverse impacts, both factors contribute greatly to teenagers’ growth.

It still does not comport with the instructions and title. COMPARE is the operative word.

Here is the way I would answer.

Introduction:

Adolescence is considered as the most sensitive time in a person’s life because it represents the transition between being a dependent child and an independent adult. During this four-to-six year period, beginning at around the age 12, they are under the significant influence of both family and friends. There are two areas of change where the influence of friends is quite different from that of their parents and mature family members. (This is the thesis statement that I will develop in the essay.) These are first, behaviour and opinions, where conflicts between the parental teaching and peer pressure may arise, and second, their choice of career, where they are soliciting advice from many sources and may find agreement between family and their peer group.

Body paragraph 1: Describe how the peer pressure may cause conflicts and result in family disruptions in the case of using tobacco and alcohol..

Body paragraph 2: Describe how advice from all sides on selecting a career is usually advantageous and seldom results in conflicts.

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?