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In the present age, in addition to the improvement of the world, there is a sharp increase in the number of elderly people in many developed and developing countries which has had significant impacts on the growth of those countries. In my perspective, population aging has both benefits and drawbacks but the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

On the one hand, the rise of life expectancy has two major positive consequences. To begin with, it is obviously that older people have more experiences and acquire a larger amount of knowledge than the younger generation. Therefore, they have excellent leadership and are the most reliable person in charge of a country’s crucial decisions and missions. Secondly, the appearance of an aging population creates opportunities for businesses to improve and expand by providing services for the elderly such as nursing homes, healthcare services. Thus, it leads to an important economic growth.

On the other hand, there are several dangers associated with the increased number of elderly people and here are three remarkable drawbacks. Firstly, the population aging influences terribly on the labor productivity of certain companies. For example, because the elderly have health limitations, they cannot work at high intensity to speed up the product manufacturing process. Hence, the revenues of such firms will fall, and the country's development would be slowed. Moreover, the government is under financial strain because of social security benefits for the old people, as well as the influence on national security as there are not enough strong youngster to defend the country’s border areas and fight the enemy if conflicts occur. Therefore, the explosion of elderly population is not only affects seriously the economy but also the society and security of a country.

In conclusion, while elderly people offer certain economic benefits, they are also those who create unexpected matters for a country’s growth. I'm wondering if the governments of each country should come up with solutions to cope with this problem.

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

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Topic:

In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.

Copy the instructions accurately and completely.

My essay:

(Your text here...)
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Emma Nai Topic: In many countries around the world, life expectancy is increasing. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this situation and give your own opinion.

In the present age, in addition to the improvement of the world, (that is unnecessary verbiage.) There has been is a sharp increase in the number of elderly people (That is not actually the topic. It is about life expectancy.) in many developed and developing countries which has had significant impacts on the growth of those countries. (That is not in the instructions.) In my perspective, population aging has both benefits and drawbacks but the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

In the opening paragraph, just give a synopsis of the topic as stated. You can add your own information and details in the body paragraphs.

For example,

Nowadays, people are living longer, especially in the developed countries, and that has caused the life expectancy at birth to be in the 80s, compared to in the 50s a century ago. Better health care and new medical technology is expected to increase it even more in the future, so an infant born in 2020 may easily live to be a hundred.. Whereas this has many advantages for the nation and society, I believe that the significant disadvantages overweigh them.


On the one hand, the rise of life expectancy has two major positive consequences. To begin with, it is obviously (wrong form) that older people have more experiences and acquire a larger amount of knowledge than the younger generation. Therefore, they have excellent leadership and are the most reliable person (wrong form) in charge of a country’s crucial decisions and missions. Secondly, the appearance of an aging population creates opportunities for businesses to improve and expand by providing services for the elderly such as nursing homes, healthcare services. (ungrammatical, missing conjunction) Thus, it leads to an important economic growth.

On the other hand, there are several dangers associated with the increased number of elderly people and here are three of them remarkable drawbacks. Firstly, First, the population aging influences terribly on the labor productivity (very poor English) a population with a large percentage of elderly people reduces the effective productivity of the labor force. of certain companies. For example, because the elderly have health limitations, they cannot work at high intensity to speed up the product manufacturing process. Hence, the revenues of such firms will fall, and the country's development would be slowed. Moreover, the government is under financial strain because of social security benefits for the old people, as well as the influence on national security as there are not enough strong youngster (wrong form and wrong word. A youngster is a child aged about 7-12. They do not serve in the military or police.)to defend the country’s border areas and fight the enemy if conflicts occur. Therefore, the explosion of the elderly population is not only affects seriously the economy seriously but also the society and security of a country.

In conclusion, while elderly people offer certain economic benefits, they are also those who create difficulties unexpected matters for a country’s growth. I'm (Do not use contractions in formal writing.) wondering if the governments of each country should come up with solutions to cope with this problem.


Your essay is nearly 325 words and that is too long. Aim for 270-290.