+1

It is firmly believe that goverment should take resposibility for children's obesity and health. However, I partly agree with this opinion, schools and parents also pay a vital role in this problem.

To begin with, parents now tend to mollycodle children so that children create a bad habit of daily diet. The reason for this is many working adults have little or no time for family. Young generations today prefer unhealthy food which is lack neccessary nutricents such as fast food because they are convenience. Also, most education institutions focus on other academic subjects, that lead to lack of physical excercise. Those reasons may affect children lifelong physical health and lead to deadly disease.

On top of that, goverment need to have several solutions for this problem. Nowadays, the social media burgeon and widespread so that unhealthy food appear almost everywhere. The authorities have to restrict the advertisements of foods and drinks that contain high level of suga and fat on TV and other social media channels. Besides, it is important for goverment to raise public awareness of childhood obesity aming citizens and have an annual check-up in order to follow children heath easily.

To sum up,although the goverment have to establish several efficient solution for children health risk , parents and schools have a huge impact of children's health and obesity. For these reasons, children need to have a balanced diet and cultivate a good habit to stay in shape.

+0

Please post essays, paragraphs, dialogues and other writing in the essay forum so a moderator does not have to move your post. Click on this link:
https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

Next, tap on the green button "write a new post"


Please do not put the essay instructions in the "Subject" line.
Put it with your answer in the message body.

Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

Message body:
Topic:

Copy the instructions here accurately and completely.


My essay:

(Your text here...)
---------------------

+0

It is firmly believe (wrong form) that goverment (wrong spelling) should take resposibility (wrong spelling) for children's obesity and health. However, (wrong use of transition) I partly agree with this opinion, (missing conjunction) schools and parents also pay a vital role. in this problem.

To begin with, parents now tend to mollycodle children so that children create a bad eating habits. of daily diet. (wrong expression) The reason for this is many working adults have little or no time for the family. Young generations today prefer unhealthy food which is lack (wrong form) neccessary nutricents such as fast food (Fast food is not a necessary nutrient, is it?) because they are convenience. (wrong word) Also, most education institutions focus on other academic subjects, that lead to lack of physical excercise. Those reasons may affect children (wrong form) lifelong children's physical health and lead to deadly disease.

On top of that, (wrong transition phrase) goverment need to have several solutions for this problem. Nowadays, the social media burgeon and widespread (ungrammatical) so that unhealthy food appear (wrong form) almost everywhere. The authorities have to restrict the advertisements of foods and drinks that contain high level (wrong form) of suga and fat on TV and other social media channels. Besides, it is important for goverment to raise public awareness of childhood obesity aming citizens and have an annual check-up in order to follow children (wrong form) heath easily.

To sum up,although the goverment have to establish several efficient solution (wrong form) for children (wrong form) health risk , parents and schools have a huge impact of (wrong expression) children's health and obesity. For these reasons, children need to have a balanced diet and cultivate a good habit to stay in shape.

Site Hint: Check out our list of pronunciation videos.
1 2
Comments  

Why on top of that is wrong transition phrase

Students: Are you brave enough to let our tutors analyse your pronunciation?

Also why solution, children are wrong form :c

"On top of that" is like "in addition to." It introduces another argument, a much stronger one, on the same subject or topic.

Marie was the only woman in the department. She struggled to keep up with her competitive co-workers, who teased her. Also, she had two young children, and was always worrying about them. On top of that, her doctor told her that she had a high risk for cancer. No wonder she was stressed and anxious.

Minh Vũ 9549Also why solution, children are wrong form :c

children's

solutions

Students: We have free audio pronunciation exercises.

Ok thanks 😂

I think children being overweight or fat is because of our modern parent's laxity on them, they tend to be more independent and lack respect. The reason why they can't control how they feed.

some children put on weight due to stress and anxiety and that can lead to an increase in suicides in our communities.

A parent should never forget they have power and dominion over their children until they are mature enough to take such decisions.

whooping ass cause a child does,t want to feed properly isn't a crime. We should learn when to give appropriate corrections and remember only talks won't solve the problem.

this weight issue brings many ills in children like bullying, suicide, and drug consumption. you will see a 13-year-old browser history with how to buy carts online. We may underestimate such but at the end of the day the child won't be just fat, he will equally be an addict.

It is our duty as parents to teach our children better feeding habits and avoid junk food.

Show more