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It is true that in the industrialized world, the average lifespan of humans is rising considerably. There are a variety of possible reasons for this, but steps can definitely be taken to tackle the problem.

As a result, there have been numerous negative consequences. First and foremost, when a large retirement pension is provided to the elderly, it affects other groups of people, particularly adults. Because an aging population will be a burden on society, the proportion of young laborers will be reduced. As a result, not only the government but also the economy of that country are influenced on a social level. Because of the smaller population, the government will have fewer taxes to pay to citizens, and an economic recession will occur sooner or later.

There are a wide range of viable solutions to deal with this problem. To begin with, the age of retirement should be adjusted from 65 to 70. This is because, these days, the standard of living is substantially improved compared to before, so the older generation totally continued their job in a convenient way. In addition, the government ought to encourage immigration in order to increase the number of working adults who pay taxes. Finally, the amount of money will be applied to other public services and transport facilities to serve the overpopulation of older people, or even other groups of people if they are also in the same situation.

In conclusion, there are main consequences to the problem, and several measures are suggested to put an end to the situation.


(THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE CORRECTION ON MY IELTS WRITING ESSAY TASK 2!)

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Subject: Please review my IELTS essay

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My essay:

(Your text here...)
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It is true that (Those are useless "filler" words. They do not add any content to your essay.) In the industrialized world, people's average lifespan of humans (we do not use "humans" this way. ) is has been rising. (Note: Actually, it went down a bit in the past couple of years due to Covid, but that was a minor setback after years and years of increasing.) considerably. There are a variety of possible reasons for this, (Better medicines and improvements in agriculture and food supplies are the reasons.) but steps can definitely be taken to tackle the problem. (Is it a problem that our grandmothers and grandfathers will live longer than their parents and grandparents did? Isn't a long, healthy life a good thing? Are you proposing that people die sooner? )

As a result, (Of what?) there have been numerous negative consequences. First and foremost, when a large retirement pension is provided to the elderly, (Ok, here is a possible solution - reduce the size of pensions. ) it affects other groups of people, particularly adults. (The elderly are adults. This is not logical. ) Because an aging population will be a burden on society, the proportion of young laborers will be reduced. (That makes no sense, either. How does this burden affect the number of children that are born? I think you meant to say that the population has a greater proportion of elderly because of longer lifespans. The "burden" is not the reason. ) As a result, not only the government but also the economy of that country are (wrong verb form) influenced on a social level. (I do not understand "a social level" connected to the economy.) Because of the smaller population, (If people are living longer, the population will be larger, not smaller. Fewer people are dying. ) the government will have fewer taxes to pay to citizens, (In my country, it is the citizens who pay taxes to the government. The government does not pay taxes to the citizens. ) and an economic recession will occur sooner or later. (I do not understand how the situation will cause a recession. Recessions are a natural part of the business cycle.. )

There are a wide range of viable solutions to deal with this problem. To begin with, the age of retirement should be adjusted from 65 to 70. (Oh dear. That makes the problem worse, actually, because if people do not retire, they still stay in jobs that could be opened up for younger people who want promotions. ) This is because, these days, the standard of living is substantially improved compared to before, (That is not a very logical argument. If there is an increased standard of living along with with increased lifespan, then isn't the longer lifespan a helpful thing?) so the older generation totally continued their job (That is not good English) in a convenient way. In addition, the government ought to encourage immigration in order to increase the number of working adults who pay taxes. (Oh dear, That makes the problem worse. Immigrants will compete with the locals for the available jobs, and that means fewer jobs for the natural-born citizens..) Finally, the amount of money will be applied to other public services and transport facilities (Is transportation a problem? You did not mention this as a problem.) to serve the overpopulation of older people, or even other groups of people if they are also in the same situation.

In conclusion, there are main consequences to the problem, (You did not define the problem. ) and several measures are suggested to put an end to the situation.

(You need to be much more careful in brainstorming and presenting good reasons for both the problems and solutions. I could not follow your logic, as you can see from the comments. )